Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 50-year-old man, married for 17 years with two kids. I have a mostly good marriage, but I have been noticing things that bother me. Almost daily, my wife seems to insult me or make a sarcastic comment.

I work long hours because of the nature of my job, which my wife claims I am a slave to. Whenever I get a raise, my wife says, "Is that all?" She never seems happy with what I make. We're in debt, but she works part time at what she calls a "princess job" that pays well per hour, but she works only three days a week. Sometimes, however, she doesn't work for months.

My wife seems uninterested in anything I try to tell her that isn't about her. While she cooks, I handle most of the other chores. I have grown less content with my situation recently, although I admit I'm not without my faults. This has me wondering if there's something wrong with me. I wonder, if I can't make my wife happy, would I be able to make anyone happy?

A friend told me he thinks I have been mentally abused for years. Could it be true? There are times when things feel fine. This is embarrassing to ask, but have I really been abused? Has it been going on for a long while and I'm just noticing it now? -- LESS THAN HAPPY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LESS THAN: Your friend may have a point. It's not just women who are subjected to spousal abuse; it happens to men, too. Your wife is hardly supportive if she snipes at you on a daily basis and refuses to recognize your achievements at work.

I wish you had mentioned why you and your wife are in debt. It may contribute to the stress that has been happening in your marriage. While I hesitate to advise you to take on any more expenses, it might benefit you to talk with a licensed counselor, whether it be for you and your wife, or you alone.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 16. She has been with her boyfriend, who is 18, for a year. She says she loves him, but she doesn't want to go on dates. She also doesn't like to give him hugs (the only type of affection that is shown). I have told her it's OK if she doesn't like him like that, and it's OK to not have a boyfriend at all. She says she doesn't want to talk about it.

I am concerned because this isn't normal. He gets to see her only when she allows him to come to our house. She could go weeks without seeing him and be OK. He is so in love with my daughter that I don't think he will ever end their relationship. I just want her to be happy, and she doesn't seem to be. I try to let her figure things out herself, but her dad and I are at a loss. How can we help her? -- SOMETHING'S OFF IN OHIO

DEAR OFF: You and your husband should stay out of this. This is your daughter's problem (if there IS a problem) to resolve. She may like this young man only as a friend, or she may be taking her time figuring out where her true feelings lie. Once she does, SHE will end it. If her boyfriend (I use this term advisedly) wants more than he's receiving, he will eventually draw the line himself.

DEAR ABBY: I worked for 11 years in the accounting department of a busy law firm. During my tenure, my three much younger colleagues married and started families. Due to the inevitable trials of raising kids, planned, unplanned and often simultaneous absences became commonplace, which left me to run the department alone.

During my last performance review, which I presumed to be confidential, I shared with our boss my exhaustion and health-impacting stress. My appeal for additional personnel was rejected. Rather than address the matter in the context of firm productivity, our boss informed each of my co-workers that I had complained about their chronic absenteeism, drawing charges that I, a middle-aged male with no children, was "insensitive" to their familial obligations.

I mended fences to the best of my ability but resigned shortly thereafter. I never confronted my boss, and he was never aware I had any knowledge of his manipulation. He now contacts me monthly to feign concern for my health and tell me how much I am missed, all of which is disingenuous.

As my former colleagues have now left the firm and face no retribution, I would like to end his contacts with an appropriate expression of my contempt. Or should I simply block him and be done with it? -- MOVED ON IN ARIZONA

DEAR MOVED ON: As a former employee of that firm, you are under no obligation to have any more contact with your former boss. If you are still in the working world, refrain from venting about your contempt. Simply express that you prefer he not call you again. If he asks why, you would be within your rights to tell him you know he violated your confidence, which is why you left the firm.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, I reconnected with a childhood friend. We met for dinner a few times with our husbands, and everything seemed fine. They keep asking us to take a trip together, but I don't feel we know them well enough to spend that much time with them. I'm also becoming uncomfortable when we are together.

She says things like she told her mother she was meeting me for dinner and her mother said, "I'm jealous." Her husband tells me she says I'm her favorite person, EVER. She constantly sends me silly things on social media. I have now backed off even meeting them for dinner because I feel crowded by her.

She recently texted me asking if she had done anything to offend me. I explained that I had a lot of work issues right now and was not good company -- I hoped it would be enough. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want to encourage her friendship, either. Should I leave it alone, or say something more? -- SMOTHERED IN GEORGIA

DEAR SMOTHERED: Listen to your intuition. I don't think you need to do more than you are already doing, which is distancing yourself. If you are confronted directly again, remind her that you and your husband are busy people and you do not have the time to devote to cultivating a closer social relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is toxic. She had a terrible childhood, and she takes it out on me and my younger siblings. I live far away; they live in the same town as she does. If they don't drop everything for her and do what she wants, she calls them selfish.

Because I had to leave town to get my life together, I am accused of "abandoning" her. I am called selfish and also accused of not loving her. A couple of months ago, we all blocked her on social media because she berates us constantly. We told her to get a therapist.

Today, my sister sent me screenshots of Mom berating her again on Facebook. In the texts my sister sent, Mom said she got a psychotherapist who says we are all psychotic.

Abby, why wouldn't the therapist see how delusional and toxic my mother is? Why would a therapist feed her delusions? Where do we go from here? Must I block my mom forever and never talk to her again because her therapist won't help her? -- INCREDULOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR INCREDULOUS: Your mother may have been less than truthful about seeing a therapist. I doubt she has found a licensed mental health professional who would diagnose you and your siblings as suffering from psychosis without having met you. Perhaps the sister who shared the screenshots can tell you what that mental health professional's name is so you can check their credentials.

You left town because you wisely decided to improve your mental health. If you must block your mother and not communicate with her, do not feel guilty for protecting yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 24 years. We make a good living. I earn considerably more than my husband. From the beginning, he has asked me to split everything with him. (He's not the "provider" type.) He views me as a roommate, financially speaking. He was used to having his parents bail him out of financial situations.

I am tired of being the provider. I pay half the mortgage and far more on other expenses. I also do all the cleaning, laundry, cooking and dishes, and I've been picking up after him for 24 years. I have a full-time, highly stressful job and come home from work with chores to do. He works from home and takes naps and siestas during the afternoon.

He brings nothing to the marriage beyond paying his half of the bills. I am no longer physically attracted to him. You can't blame me. Most women are not attracted to men who cannot provide. We have one child. I can't breathe and would rather die young than grow old in this hopeless, depressing arrangement. I just need validation that I shouldn't be putting up with this. -- PROVIDER IN THE WEST

DEAR PROVIDER: I don't know how many other women would tolerate the kind of marriage you have described, but many do. You are entitled to your feelings, but before doing anything rash, it's important that you discuss this with an attorney who specializes in family law. According to the law in the community property golden state of California, your husband could wind up with half of your hard-earned assets.