DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a daughter, "Liz," who is our life. She's 28 and a nurse. Her boyfriend, "Owen," used to be a heavy cannabis user. My wife suspects he still uses it when he gets "stressed." He is also a gambler.
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We have tried to give Owen a chance. He had no place to stay, so he stays in our walk-in in-law apartment. My wife thinks he is disrespectful, but I think she overreacts because she doesn't like him.
Owen has been going out with my daughter for four years now, and he says he is getting her a ring, but nothing transpires. Liz seems to love him, but my wife and I feel he's not a good choice and is headed for trouble down the road.
I'm at my wit's end and my wife is constantly stressed. I know you are going to say our daughter is 28 and an adult, etc., but this situation is different. What else can you offer? -- STRUNG ALONG IN NEW YORK
DEAR STRUNG ALONG: Have a "man-to-man" talk with Owen to ask directly what his plans are regarding his relationship with your daughter. He has lived with you (rent-free, I presume) for four years, and the ring he promised hasn't materialized.
The living situation you have tolerated for so long hasn't helped him move forward. (Could he have gambling debts?) While Liz may not like you doing it, explain to Owen that it's time to find a place of his own. I'm hoping, as I suspect you are, that this may galvanize him to action -- whether it's to step up to the plate or head out the door.