DEAR ABBY: After many years of trying to keep our family together, divorce is our final option. My husband has had two affairs that I know of during our 30-year marriage. They hurt me deeply. We've had lots of counseling, but we can't get past the damage and breakdown in communication.
Advertisement
Should I tell our university-age children about the affairs? I kept them secret for years because he was a good father, and I didn't want to ruin my kids' relationship with their dad. But now that we are breaking up, I'm afraid I may be blamed when our situation is entirely his fault.
I did everything I could to save our marriage, including forgiving the first affair, which happened before our kids were born, and raising what I thought were happy and successful children with him. Now he has blown this up again, and I'm angry he gets to continue having a good relationship with our children.
At the same time, I have a good relationship with my elderly father, although I suspect he may have cheated on my mother. After all these years, I don't know for sure and I'm grateful I don't. What do you think? Should my children know the real reason why we split? -- RESENTFUL IN CANADA
DEAR RESENTFUL: If your husband is true to form, your children will probably figure out for themselves that their dad has a character flaw. You stated that you are grateful you don't know the intimate details about your father. That's why I'm recommending you take a page out of your own book and refrain from the temptation to sling mud at your almost-ex.