DEAR ABBY: Fifteen years ago, my partner and I moved to a new community, befriending a neighbor whose initial kindness and generosity impressed us greatly. When the neighbor learned I was unemployed, his influence enabled me to secure a position with his company.
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In a professional setting, however, the neighbor revealed a personality that was manipulative, condescending, backstabbing and mean-spirited, often reducing colleagues to tears with his profanity-laced tirades. His was literally a Jekyll and Hyde transformation.
After a decade of his tyranny and the suicide attempt of a colleague he had mercilessly badgered, I accepted a position with another company, and later retired to another state. Since then, he has contacted me at regular intervals to say he misses us as neighbors and friends and would like to visit.
While working for his company financially empowered us to make future plans previously beyond our means, I lack the ability to prioritize gratitude over the memories of the emotional abuse to which he subjected my co-workers and me.
My tenure there had a negative impact on my health, and I have no desire to relive the experience merely to nourish his ego. My partner suggests I can tolerate anything for a few days. Am I wrong to feel otherwise? -- HESITANT IN ARIZONA
DEAR HESITANT: When your former boss asks to visit, politely decline. If he continues to pursue it, that will be the time for a frank conversation with him. When (and if) it comes to that, express that, although he was kind to you personally, his tirades and the fact that he nearly drove a co-worker to suicide were the reasons you left the company, which is why you prefer he not visit.