DEAR ABBY: I've been seeing a man, "Barry," who worked with my younger brother. They had an altercation at work, and Barry was terminated for misconduct. My brother, "Rob," is upset with me because I still see him. Barry did reach out to Rob to apologize and see if they could move on. While my brother has forgiven Barry, he has chosen to have no contact with him, and continues to want to control the narrative.

Am I wrong for going against my brother and continuing the relationship? I was in prior abusive relationships that Rob wasn't concerned about. But when it is about him, he lets me know he's "disappointed" or worried about my well-being. I have set boundaries with them both, but that altercation was between them, not me. -- TORN IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR TORN: The altercation between your brother and Barry must have been a doozy for him to have lost his job. You mentioned that you have been in "prior abusive relationships," which tells me your man-picker may be somewhat skewed. Barry may have anger management issues that need to be addressed.

Like it or not, your brother is right that Barry could be dangerous. The altercation may have been between them, but what's to prevent your boyfriend's volatile temper from erupting on you? Your relationship with Barry could be hazardous to your health, which is why I am urging you to move on and find someone more stable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a loving relationship with my wife, who is 10 years older. Last year, we discussed her retiring from the workforce. She's 63 and has worked her whole life. We weren't 100% prepared for this move financially, but I'm happy to see her happy, enjoying time with the grandkids and doing other things.

Here's the rub: She gets bored sometimes. When she gets bored, she spends money and arranges things for us to do that I dislike -- like going camping. I still work full time, and I enjoy my weekends at home relaxing. I think it'd be helpful for her to find a part-time job. I have suggested it, but then she gets hostile and asks if I think she's wasting her time. It becomes an uncomfortable conversation.

Any suggestions about what I can say so I won't tick her off while helping her realize she could find something else to keep her busy and contribute financially? -- TRYING TO KEEP UP IN ARIZONA

DEAR TRYING: Tell your wife you are happy she is enjoying her retirement, but you are still fully employed. Then remind her that when she decided to leave the workforce, you weren't fully prepared for it financially. Explain that for the time being, you need the weekends to rest, not to go camping, which is one of your least favorite things to do. And while you're at it, mention that you know she enjoys shopping, and a part-time job would give her more discretionary money to do it. I don't think that any of those statements should be inflammatory.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two years, together for five. He's a wonderful man I love dearly. I always felt called to be a mother, and he has expressed the same about being a father. He would be an incredible father, and I'd love nothing more than to raise children with him.

The conflict is that, over the past year or so, I have learned much more about pregnancy and childbirth and what they can put the mother through emotionally and physically. A number of my friends who have given birth recently had serious complications.

Abby, after learning all this information, I'm terrified of being pregnant. So many things can go wrong, and I have a chronic illness that likely will be exacerbated by pregnancy. I also question the ethics of bringing a child into this world, knowing how horrible a place it is, and there are so many children who need a home already, but that's minor compared to my fear of health issues.

My husband does not want to adopt our first child unless we are unable to conceive or I am unable to carry the child, but he's open to adopting after we've tried for one of our own. Adoption or surrogacy isn't financially feasible for us anyway.

I don't know how to tell him I don't want to carry a child -- ever. We are a little older, so my biological clock is ticking. How can I get over my terror to give us something we both deeply want? -- TERRIFIED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TERRIFIED: I discussed your letter with Beverly Hills OB/GYN Michele Milovina. The first words out of her mouth were, "That's a very common question," if it makes you feel any better.

Dr. Milovina went on to say that if someone (like yourself) is afraid because of a preexisting health condition, it's time to schedule a preconception visit with their OB/GYN or with a perinatologist. A perinatologist is a physician who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. You can then get real percentages and numbers and make an informed decision.

If you are still fearful, a reproductive psychiatrist (yes, there is such a specialty) may help to quell your fears. You can include your husband in these visits because this is a decision that should be made together with him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm part of a group of four girlfriends. We gather for all of our birthdays and treat the birthday girl to dinner at a restaurant of her choice. However, one girl in the group orders several expensive cocktails, and the bill comes out to be a fortune. She seems to have no regard when it comes to the bill.

This friend's birthday is coming up soon, and she has chosen a very pricey restaurant where the bill will be a minimum of $900 for four people. I'm scared to think about it. How do we nicely tell her she has gone overboard, or do we just not say anything at all? -- TOO MUCH IN MIAMI, FLA.

DEAR TOO MUCH: What "we" say to the birthday girl is that her choice of this restaurant is going to cost more than any of you can comfortably afford, and to please make another selection that will fit into your budgets. Order a bottle of wine and skip the cocktails.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I retired a few years ago to a neighborhood where most of the residents are our age, and we have become friendly with the widow next door. My husband and I help her out with any minor home issues she runs into and some light gardening. We are happy to do this. She and I also occasionally get together for coffee.

She recently called to invite us to dinner at her house with her sister (whom we have met) and her sister's husband. Abby, I don't want to start socializing over dinners with her. My husband and I are introverts, and I have anxiety issues. Although I have entertained on a small scale occasionally over the years (usually just one couple), I become extremely anxious and I'm miserable until it is over. I want my retirement years to be as stress-free as possible. We also are particular about the foods we eat. She sends food over occasionally that I end up throwing out.

Her brother lives close by, keeps completely to himself and has nothing to do with any neighbors. I'm thinking of telling her (or using the excuse) that my husband is pretty much like her brother and isn't interested in getting together for dinners. Is this rude, or is there a more polite way of doing it? -- SEEKING STRESS-FREE IN THE EAST

DEAR SEEKING: Your neighbor may have invited you for dinner as a way to repay the many favors you and your husband have done for her. Do NOT tell her your husband is "like her brother," because you don't know the reason her brother is the way he is.

A preferable solution to your problem would be to be honest. Tell her you enjoy your occasional coffees together, but you have anxiety issues, which is why, although you like her very much, you would not be comfortable socializing with her sister and brother-in-law.

DEAR ABBY: I am married, but it isn't perfect. My husband of seven years, for whatever reason, doesn't like my family. My mom has now been diagnosed with early dementia. I want her to come live with us, but he doesn't want that. If I even go by her home, he has a problem. I'm torn between saving my marriage or taking care of Mom. Please help me figure out what to do. -- NEEDED IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS

DEAR NEEDED: It's time to carefully evaluate the quality of your marriage. When you married your husband, you promised to stay with him until death do you part. If your mother were out of the equation, would your marriage be better? Is he this controlling in other areas of your life?

Taking in a parent with dementia can be a full-time job. Are there other relatives who could take her in if you offer to participate in the care she will need? You have a lot of thinking to do, my friend. IF you were to end your marriage, would you have the stamina to care for your mother until the end?