DEAR ABBY: Many months ago, a family member's husband was charged with possession of and distributing more than 10,000 items of child pornography. The police and Department of Homeland Security raided their home and seized computers, cellphones and other devices. He was arrested and spent about a week in jail. He hired a very good attorney, and all the charges were dismissed.

His wife, our blood relative, stayed by his side. She remains married to him and doesn't plan to leave him. She has been keeping us up to date on the legal developments and says his attorneys believe he won't serve any jail time because "he's in his mid-70s and has no prior convictions of any crimes."

Although the charges were dismissed, we are not comfortable having him in our homes because there are small children at our gatherings. It's important to note that his wife never denied that he was viewing and distributing these materials. She only said, "They're making him out to be a monster." How can we remain supportive of her while at the same time let her know when the time comes, that he's NOT welcome? This chain of events has been devastating to our entire family. -- DEVASTATED IN THE EAST

DEAR DEVASTATED: Your concern is understandable, but I have to question whether you have all of your facts straight. On the one hand, you state that all the charges against this man were dismissed. On the other hand, you say his attorney thinks he won't serve time because of his age, which makes me wonder if some sort of plea deal happened, and he will be required only to perform community service.

You may want to be emotionally supportive of this family member, but if the parents of minor children feel her husband could present a danger to them, those children must be protected. And, if that means not exposing them to the couple, then so be it.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my husband for 16 years. He has two children, ages 17 and 19. Every year, he spends the major holidays with his ex and his kids. I can't go with him because his ex has ruined any chance of my having a relationship with his children. Frankly, they hate me and blame me for their parents' divorce.

I have five children. I make time for them at holidays, but I prioritize my husband. I don't think he should be doing this. Am I wrong? He's done it for 16 years. I mention it every year, and he always says next year will be different. Please tell me your thoughts. -- MISSING HIM THEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MISSING: This year won't be different, and neither will the ones after. My question to you is, were you responsible for breaking up his marriage? According to the mail I have received over the years, many marriages were over long before either spouse filed for divorce. If the "kids" are right, they aren't going to change their attitude at this late date. If, however, you were blameless, their father should have straightened them out when they were old enough to understand.

DEAR ABBY: I caught my husband talking on the phone to another woman. I heard him say, "Get some sleep, sweetheart," and "Thank you for being my companion." When I called him on it, he claimed nothing was happening and he had used the wrong words.

He admitted to whom he was talking, and I called her. She said she was just a friend and had no feelings for him that way. Afterward, I still felt something was going on. That was two years ago, and I do not think the same way about him. He knows this, and continues to tell me he loves me and that nothing went on. Am I right to feel this way? -- DIDN'T BUY IT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DIDN'T BUY IT: People have been known to speak affectionately to each other without an affair going on. Both your husband and the woman denied it. However, with the trust between you and your husband broken after what you heard, the time to begin dealing with it was two years ago. It is still not too late for the two of you to have some sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist, and that's what I am urging you to do.

DEAR ABBY: I'm hoping that you can help me. My sister and I are distanced from each other. We haven't spoken since the passing of our mother three years ago. Today I learned that she has been diagnosed with stage-3 cancer. Of course, this has hit me hard. I want to reach out, but I'm not sure how to go about it. She has blocked me from her social media and won't accept my calls. I need to let her know that I'm here for her. Please advise how to approach this. -- TRYING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR TRYING: Whatever caused the rift with your sister, it is clearly more serious than "distancing." If you put your thoughts and feelings in a letter to her, it will let her know that you love her, are concerned about her diagnosis and ready to do whatever she will allow you to do to help. That's all you can do. After that, the ball is in her court. I hope it works.

DEAR ABBY: You often respond to a person who has been "ghosted" by a friend or relative. I have the opposite problem. I have a longtime friend and colleague who has begun to drive me nuts, creating anxiety and anger whenever I must deal with them.

They are a nice person, but every time I communicate with them, they respond by texts and emails multiple times a day. They have only four go-to topics -- one of them being weather. I don't know how not to hurt their feelings, so ghosting seems like the softest approach. Ideas? -- FUTURE GHOSTER IN OREGON

DEAR FUTURE GHOSTER: Explain to this colleague that your schedule is swamped. Then stop responding to the unnecessary texts and emails. If the person asks why or what has changed, repeat that you are jammed and do not have time for personal exchanges during work hours. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My 98-year-old mother has spent the last eight years in a nursing home. My siblings and I placed her there when her health declined to a point where it was no longer safe for her to live alone. Her mind is sharp, but she has a hard time getting around and caring for herself. She has made friends there and is loved by everyone who meets her.

I live 65 miles away and visit her every two weeks. My brother lives several hours away and tries to see her every six to eight weeks. My sisters live closer and visit Mom often. Mom enjoys these visits.

The problem is the eight grandchildren. Most of them live nearby and are either too busy or say they can't stand to visit Grandma "in the home." The ones who live farther away hardly ever call. My siblings and I have tried dropping subtle hints by telling them how much a visit would mean to her, to no avail. My worry is that someday they'll realize the mistake they made by not visiting her while she can still carry on a meaningful conversation.

Mom never complains, but she has said she'd like to see or hear more from relatives. Why is it that people always have time to go to a funeral but don't take the time to visit someone special while they're still alive? I hope my letter convinces someone out there to find time in their busy schedule to visit a person in a nursing home. -- DAUGHTER IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR DAUGHTER: You are a caring daughter. I, too, hope your letter does provide a timely reminder that the time to befriend people is while they are breathing. I suspect that many avoid nursing homes and care facilities because they consider them to be depressing. However, unless the patient/resident is so infirm that he or she can't be moved, nothing prevents a son, daughter or grandchild from taking their relative out for a nice brunch, lunch or dinner.

The next time you visit Mom, take one or more of your children along. It would lessen the responsibility of making conversation for them and, if you can take your mother out, the change of scenery might benefit all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 15 years cheated on me with a man 20 years her senior. I never so much as winked at another woman. We are divorced now, but I know we still love each other. She calls me from her new house in the middle of the night if she's scared, even though she plans to marry him. She knows I'm the love of her life. Am I crazy for holding on? I can't help but still love her. Is she just using me? Is there any hope? -- IN LIMBO IN IDAHO

DEAR IN LIMBO: The divorce is final. That she is planning to marry the man she cheated with should be sending you a strong message -- and it isn't that she still loves you. If she gets scared in the middle of the night, remind her that she now has a fiance to protect her. Then change your number.