DEAR ABBY: I need advice about a new relationship. I am a 60-year-old man. I divorced last year and met a nice woman named "Eileen" shortly afterward, and things seemed to be going well. When my ex found out I was seeing Eileen (they didn't know each other) she decided to call Eileen and try to cause issues by saying many things that are not true. She succeeded.

I tried to save my marriage but was unsuccessful and was trying to move on and be happy again. There was no abuse or anything like that, but my ex said I didn't fulfill her needs well enough, so she moved on. I now feel Eileen doesn't fully trust me even though she still sees me.

I want to have an open and honest relationship because I care for Eileen enough that someday in the future, I may want to make her my wife. How can I earn back the trust that was lost and get our relationship back on track? Things have definitely taken a big step backward, and I'm disappointed and saddened. -- NERVOUS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR NERVOUS: You have done nothing wrong and shouldn't need to "earn back" Eileen's trust. Have a face-to-face talk with Eileen. Tell her you care very much about her, but since your bitter ex-wife felt the need to have a woman-to-woman chat with her, you sense things may have changed between you. Ask if that's true, and if it is, ask why. She needs to hear your side of the story to counteract what your ex said. However, if, indeed, she no longer trusts you, you may need to find another lady friend.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating the most wonderful man I have ever met for more than a year, and we are planning to get married. One of the things we have bonded over is that we both want a multigenerational household. My boyfriend's parents (who are in their 70s) have been living with him for the past two years, and this will continue for the foreseeable future.

As our wedding grows closer, I'm feeling increasingly anxious about the logistics of living with his parents. I like having minimal possessions, while they are borderline hoarders. My boyfriend knows I'm anxious about it and is willing to talk about the situation, but he also takes the position that he and his family are a package deal. I love him, but I don't think I can sign up for 20 years of a cluttered house. What should I do? -- CONCERNED ABOUT CLUTTER

DEAR CONCERNED: I'm glad your boyfriend is willing to talk about it, but what is he willing to DO about it? Your (and his parents') lifestyles are very different. They feel most secure having all of their possessions around. At their ages, they are not likely to change.

The place to have a truth session would be in the office of a licensed family counselor to see if this can be mediated. But frankly, because they are a package deal, as all multigenerational households are, you might be better off finding someone to marry other than the three of them.

DEAR ABBY: My friend is married to a penny-pincher. He hates spending money. They are retired and have sizable assets. He never buys her anything for her birthday or takes her out to dinner. He doesn't buy her a card on Valentine's Day, either.

They each own their own homes and commute back and forth between them. When he comes to her house, she has her refrigerator stocked. When she goes to his, he has no food. She must go to the market and buy food for both of them. Then he gets angry in the market about spending money on food. He hates restaurants because they cost money.

Because he's so cheap, he goes to the local hospital and buys his dinner from the cafeteria there. They keep their finances separate, but she feels he should do something for her for holidays and special occasions. She always does nice things for him, like treat him to sporting events, dinners, etc. If they go out with a group of people, he gets annoyed with splitting the bill. She's always slipping him money under the table so he can pay his and her share.

At this point, his cheapness is affecting their marriage. Abby, can you suggest anything to change a cheapskate husband? He has the resources; he just doesn't want to spend any of it. -- ASKING FOR A FRIEND

DEAR ASKING: If your friend and her husband spent a reasonable amount of time together before they married, she must have known about his "quirk." He may have a deep-seated fear of poverty. Because his penurity has become increasingly hard for her to live with, she must speak up. That their homes and financial assets have been kept separate may have been very wise. (You didn't mention whether they are happy in other aspects of their marriage.)

Counseling might help -- if he is willing to admit there is a problem. If she's soliciting advice from you, suggest she become less generous and eat well before she arrives at his home. If his cupboard is bare, he, not she, should go to the store to fill it or even treat himself to dinner at the hospital cafeteria. Not every spouse needs gifts but, because she does and he chooses to ignore it, she may have to accept they are two very different people. While opposites can attract, in this case, apparently it isn't true. What a shame.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a widow for three years. There's a guy I have known for the last eight years, and I have had a crush on for a couple of years. I'm not sure how to talk to him about my feelings and I don't want to ruin our friendship. How can I talk to him and not ruin our friendship? -- FEELING LOST

DEAR FEELING LOST: Do you socialize with this person? If you do, the next time you go out together, tell him how much you like him and how special he is to you. If he reacts positively, tell him you may have a crush on him. Then listen. I wouldn't call that being unduly forward, but if he runs for the hills, you'll know your crush is not reciprocated. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with the same man for three years, and we have been engaged for a year. I love him with all my heart, but I just learned through a phone call that he has been fooling around with men from the internet. I have also seen some messages in his email.

Does this mean he is bi and never told me? I don't know what to do. Please help me before I make a mistake. -- HURTING IN LOVE

DEAR HURTING: What this means is your fiance is either bisexual or gay. For both your sakes, tell him you know what has been going on, because if he's unfaithful now, marriage vows won't change him. Ask your doctor to test you for STDs, and then call off the wedding so you can find a mate who will be faithful -- and he can find a relationship in which he can truly be himself.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married seven years. It's the second marriage for both of us. We have a good relationship and love each other. I told her before we were married that, while I like animals, I do not want a pet. She's an animal lover and is now pressuring me to get a small dog. She's hoping I will change my position, but I will not.

She told me this morning that she might have to leave me and find someone who wants a pet. I told her I understand and will accept her decision. Now I need guidance because I realize that a dog is more important to her than our relationship. Please help. -- ANNOYED IN INDIANA

DEAR ANNOYED: I wish you would have stated why you feel so strongly about not having a (small) dog in your home. You and your wife need more mediation than I can offer in a letter. A marriage counselor may be able to help you to communicate with each other more effectively than you have been. For her to have given you a semi-ultimatum was wrong, but it indicates to me that you two may have more problems to resolve than whether to get a dog.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, son-in-law and two grandsons live in Australia because of our son-in-law's job. One grandson will be bar mitzvahed soon, and our daughter is asking us to send her a list of our friends so she can send them invitations. Because going to Australia is such a long and expensive trip, we are quite sure that none of our friends will attend and will regard the invitation as a request for a gift. Should we send her the list she's requesting? -- CONFUSED GRANDPARENTS

DEAR GRANDPARENTS: I am against sending an invitation to anyone who isn't a close relative for the reason you stated. Because of the distance, it will seem like a bid for gifts or money. A diplomatic way of conveying the news of your grandson's rite of passage would be to share it verbally with friends -- who can then volunteer that they would like to send the boy something. Perhaps the feedback you receive can shape the invitation list.