DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old woman who has struggled with self-esteem and personal relationships my entire life. My fiance and I have talked in depth about past trauma, but it wasn't until within the past year that I've realized how much of an impact my mother had on those aspects of my life.

From as far back as I can remember, she always told me that from the moment I was born, she had a hard time connecting with me, and I wasn't loving toward her. How could that have possibly been something I caused? I suspect she may have had postpartum issues, and she is now a fully diagnosed bipolar individual.

I watch her have functional relationships with lots of other people, but still, to this day, we have almost no connection. I feel guilty about the state of our relationship but worse when I witness the way she treats others compared to me. Am I a terrible daughter? -- DISCONNECTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISCONNECTED: If what your mother said is true, remember that for the most part, children react lovingly toward people who are loving to them. You are not responsible for your mother's diagnosed mental illness, which may be why she had so much trouble relating to you. You are not a terrible daughter. If you have any doubts about what I have written, please consult a licensed mental health professional who can help you understand that you have nothing to feel guilty about.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will soon celebrate our 11th anniversary. Together since we were 19, we're now in our mid-30s with two children.

Abby, I can't seem to shake the feeling my husband is cheating on me. For the past two years all he wants is sex, on his time. If he doesn't get it within his "timeline," he gets angry and has an attitude. If he doesn't get it at all that day, I'll hear about it for days afterward.

I love my husband with all my heart, but he is not a great dad. It kills me to see him brush the kids off when they are so excited to see him, hug him and play. But my husband doesn't play with them, doesn't snuggle with them on random days off or lounge around with them. I get jealous seeing dads playing with their kids and just being goofy for hours.

He works all the time and worries about his work calls. All my life I wanted a husband who would be a great dad. What I'm trying to ask is, if he isn't into our kids, is always stressed, isn't playful in a non-sexual way with me anymore and only wants sex, is he seeing someone else to fulfill his needs? -- HEARTBROKEN WIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WIFE: There are plenty of issues in your marriage that need working on, but I doubt that a man who often wants sex with his wife is cheating. You stated that he doesn't relate well to the children and is always stressed. Once you understand the reasons, things may improve. Marriage counseling might help you achieve that.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years and in a relationship for 20. I just found out that for more than a year he has been lying about working. He pretended he had a part-time contracting job and has been using our savings to pass as income from this fictional job.

Over the past year, we made a lot of financial decisions based on the assumption that he was employed, which has left us in a tight situation. He initially denied it when I confronted him and even provided fake documents about his "job" before finally coming clean. I'm feeling many emotions because of this betrayal, and I am unsure about how to proceed. Can you guide me? -- DUPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DUPED: Your husband may have been embarrassed about his job loss, which is why he deceived you. What was he doing when he was supposedly working? His (and your) problems may go beyond the financial bind you are now in. Is your husband trying to find another job? Why was he let go?

Contact a CPA or financial adviser and ask what you need to do to get back on firm financial footing. You didn't mention whether you are employed, but if you aren't, it's time to find a job. Once that's done, marriage counseling is crucial.

DEAR ABBY: My last parent passed away 24 years ago, and my brothers and sisters went their separate ways. We were not close in our younger years. I'm the youngest, so it was pretty hard on me to suddenly have no birth family, so to speak.

A couple of years ago, my estranged brother and I reconnected. We have a lot in common, and my husband and children really like him. The problem is, when he has been drinking, he calls me terrible names. It hurts me because I don't know why. It can be a great day, and then suddenly something sets him off.

I want to say something to him, but I would hate to make him mad and cause our sibling relationship to go sideways again. I feel everything I am thinking of saying will hurt our friendship. I need some sound advice, and I promise to take it. -- CONFLICTED SIS

DEAR SIS: I hope you realize that what you have described is one of the classic symptoms of alcoholism. The next time you and your brother get together and there is alcohol involved, press the record button on your cellphone so you can play it for him when he sobers up. Then tell him that in the future, you prefer he not drink anything stronger than punch when you are together.

DEAR ABBY: I've always connected with my significant other's parent. But now I am emotionally more connected to them than to my significant other. Is this healthy, or am I cheating on my S.O.? -- CONFUSED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONFUSED: When you wrote "emotionally connected," did you mean you have more in common with your S.O.'s parent than with your S.O., or that you are physically attracted? If it's the latter, end the romance. If you don't, it will cause chaos in your S.O.'s family and likely not end well for any of you.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 29. My partner, "Jeremy," and I have been together for six years and have talked about getting engaged. He set the timeline for an expectation of when he'd propose early on in our relationship -- by "five or 30" (meaning either we've been together for five years or he hits 30). Both of those marks hit last year, and I expected him to propose, but it didn't happen. I am mortified because I keep getting asked by people, "Why not?" I don't have an answer, except that Jeremy is just not ready.

He told me he wants to pay off some debts before buying a ring, but we are both saving and living well below our means, and I don't want anything expensive. Jeremy is focused on his physical training and his hobbies. I'm ready to buy a home, get married, maybe even start a family, but I feel like we're stuck in the post-college lifestyle.

I have told Jeremy all of the above several times now, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Otherwise, he tells me the commitment is already there and that he will get to a place where he feels he's ready. He also told me the only reason he'd ever propose is because I want it -- because it has no meaning or joy for him!

I'm confused and worried that something is wrong with me for feeling this way. All my friends are married. They have bought homes and are starting families. I'm tired of waiting for this train to come in, and I'm resentful that he hasn't kept to his timeline. Now I'm not sure I should say yes, even if he does ask. Do I run for the hills or trust him to keep his word? He's always been honest with me. -- WAITING AND WAITING

DEAR WAITING: When a man tells you that marriage has no meaning or joy for him and that he will propose when he feels ready but still isn't ready after five years, you have some important decisions to make about your future. Trying to wrestle a marriage proposal out of him because your friends have all married and started families does not guarantee that your union would be a happy one.

Tell Jeremy that you appear to be operating in different time zones, that marriage is very important to you, and he hasn't kept his word about the five years. Then move on, so you won't be writing in another five years about this same problem.

DEAR ABBY: Please, please help me save a very old friendship. I have a friend who will not let me finish a story, a comment or a response. When I tried to be polite and said, "Please, let me finish," she got miffed. We went out to lunch with another friend recently, and she did it again! How do I politely ask her to wait her turn? -- WORD IN EDGEWISE

DEAR WORD: Stating it in plain English wouldn't hurt. Do it right after you ask this woman why she feels it is necessary to interrupt you. (If the answer is that you held the floor too long, you will need to edit either your friend list -- or your storytelling.)