DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner for three years. We met on a dating site but were not able to get together often because of prior plans and vacations we both had scheduled. I have now found out that his prior obligations were with another woman he was seeing.

Before we became intimate, which was six weeks into our relationship, I asked if he was dating anyone else. He said no. I asked again another time, and he said no. Even though we weren't able to see each other often, I believed we were exclusive. Now I know he was seeing her for two months before we met and for three months after. He was intimate with her also. Abby, they took a 10-day trip together two months after we met. He says he broke up with her shortly after the trip.

I feel confident that he has been faithful since then. I found all of this out by looking through his old emails. Otherwise, he would have kept lying about it. I had asked him several times if he went on the trip alone, and he always said he did. I fell in love with him, and we have been living together for a year. I am having a difficult time forgiving him and don't even know if I should. -- DEFLATED IN ARIZONA

DEAR DEFLATED: Your boyfriend lied to you consistently about the fact that he was involved with another woman. If you hadn't looked at his old emails, you still wouldn't know the person you have been living with. Have you been checked for STDs? If you haven't been, contact your doctor and make an appointment. You say you are "confident" he isn't seeing any other women now. Why are you confident? This man has a roving eye and trouble telling the truth. If you are looking for a faithful husband, he isn't it.

DEAR ABBY: I treated myself to a facelift several years ago, and I'm very pleased with the results. However, I don't like revealing this to people. I believe it's personal and my own business, even if it's evident because of my age.

The problem is people who feel the need to delve into my life for whatever their reasons and, once they find out through logic, I become the topic of conversation and ridicule. I have been hurt deeply, embarrassed and made the fool several times, and I have no idea why anyone would care.

I respect and love my husband and don't flaunt myself at men, but I have been accused of it. It's hurtful because I am a "people person," and I find the criticism and mockery to be cruel. I'm at a loss about how to handle this other than to hide in my home. Please give me some advice. Thank you. -- LOOKING GOOD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LOOKING GOOD: There is nothing shameful about wanting to look your best. Many women (and men) who can afford it avail themselves of cosmetic surgery. You have already been "unmasked" by these jealous people, so you might as well smile, stand up straight and own it. Because your result was so good, you might even offer to share the name of your surgeon. Hiding hasn't worked, so step out and be proud. You paid for that face. Put it out in public!

DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old woman who has struggled with self-esteem and personal relationships my entire life. My fiance and I have talked in depth about past trauma, but it wasn't until within the past year that I've realized how much of an impact my mother had on those aspects of my life.

From as far back as I can remember, she always told me that from the moment I was born, she had a hard time connecting with me, and I wasn't loving toward her. How could that have possibly been something I caused? I suspect she may have had postpartum issues, and she is now a fully diagnosed bipolar individual.

I watch her have functional relationships with lots of other people, but still, to this day, we have almost no connection. I feel guilty about the state of our relationship but worse when I witness the way she treats others compared to me. Am I a terrible daughter? -- DISCONNECTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISCONNECTED: If what your mother said is true, remember that for the most part, children react lovingly toward people who are loving to them. You are not responsible for your mother's diagnosed mental illness, which may be why she had so much trouble relating to you. You are not a terrible daughter. If you have any doubts about what I have written, please consult a licensed mental health professional who can help you understand that you have nothing to feel guilty about.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will soon celebrate our 11th anniversary. Together since we were 19, we're now in our mid-30s with two children.

Abby, I can't seem to shake the feeling my husband is cheating on me. For the past two years all he wants is sex, on his time. If he doesn't get it within his "timeline," he gets angry and has an attitude. If he doesn't get it at all that day, I'll hear about it for days afterward.

I love my husband with all my heart, but he is not a great dad. It kills me to see him brush the kids off when they are so excited to see him, hug him and play. But my husband doesn't play with them, doesn't snuggle with them on random days off or lounge around with them. I get jealous seeing dads playing with their kids and just being goofy for hours.

He works all the time and worries about his work calls. All my life I wanted a husband who would be a great dad. What I'm trying to ask is, if he isn't into our kids, is always stressed, isn't playful in a non-sexual way with me anymore and only wants sex, is he seeing someone else to fulfill his needs? -- HEARTBROKEN WIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WIFE: There are plenty of issues in your marriage that need working on, but I doubt that a man who often wants sex with his wife is cheating. You stated that he doesn't relate well to the children and is always stressed. Once you understand the reasons, things may improve. Marriage counseling might help you achieve that.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years and in a relationship for 20. I just found out that for more than a year he has been lying about working. He pretended he had a part-time contracting job and has been using our savings to pass as income from this fictional job.

Over the past year, we made a lot of financial decisions based on the assumption that he was employed, which has left us in a tight situation. He initially denied it when I confronted him and even provided fake documents about his "job" before finally coming clean. I'm feeling many emotions because of this betrayal, and I am unsure about how to proceed. Can you guide me? -- DUPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DUPED: Your husband may have been embarrassed about his job loss, which is why he deceived you. What was he doing when he was supposedly working? His (and your) problems may go beyond the financial bind you are now in. Is your husband trying to find another job? Why was he let go?

Contact a CPA or financial adviser and ask what you need to do to get back on firm financial footing. You didn't mention whether you are employed, but if you aren't, it's time to find a job. Once that's done, marriage counseling is crucial.

DEAR ABBY: My last parent passed away 24 years ago, and my brothers and sisters went their separate ways. We were not close in our younger years. I'm the youngest, so it was pretty hard on me to suddenly have no birth family, so to speak.

A couple of years ago, my estranged brother and I reconnected. We have a lot in common, and my husband and children really like him. The problem is, when he has been drinking, he calls me terrible names. It hurts me because I don't know why. It can be a great day, and then suddenly something sets him off.

I want to say something to him, but I would hate to make him mad and cause our sibling relationship to go sideways again. I feel everything I am thinking of saying will hurt our friendship. I need some sound advice, and I promise to take it. -- CONFLICTED SIS

DEAR SIS: I hope you realize that what you have described is one of the classic symptoms of alcoholism. The next time you and your brother get together and there is alcohol involved, press the record button on your cellphone so you can play it for him when he sobers up. Then tell him that in the future, you prefer he not drink anything stronger than punch when you are together.

DEAR ABBY: I've always connected with my significant other's parent. But now I am emotionally more connected to them than to my significant other. Is this healthy, or am I cheating on my S.O.? -- CONFUSED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONFUSED: When you wrote "emotionally connected," did you mean you have more in common with your S.O.'s parent than with your S.O., or that you are physically attracted? If it's the latter, end the romance. If you don't, it will cause chaos in your S.O.'s family and likely not end well for any of you.