DEAR ABBY: Several members of my husband's family let us down badly by not attending our daughter's wedding. They had various work and other family obligations near the date of our event. "Save the Date" cards had been sent out six months prior, but we were apparently lower on their priority list. I expressed to my husband my desire to not send holiday cards this year because I no longer feel good about these family members.

Then, while I was traveling for work, he bought cards, printed a letter with pictures, signed it from both of us and sent it to most of his family and some of our mutual friends. The first I heard about it was from a friend thanking me for the card and pictures a month later. I discussed it with my husband and got an apology, but I'm still shocked and saddened. What do you think? -- STILL MIFFED

DEAR STILL MIFFED: Although you didn't want to send holiday cards to the relatives who skipped your daughter's wedding, apparently your husband didn't feel the same way. He was entitled to do what he did. Repeat after me: A wedding invitation is not a command performance. Now let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I'm estranged from my nephew and feel bad that our relationship has deteriorated. We live in different states. He has a mental illness and refuses treatment.

As a professional who is respected at work and at home, I am distressed that my nephew is aggressive and demeaning to me in public and in private. How can I get onto a path of reconciliation, and how does one know when self-protection is the only reasonable action? -- SAD UNCLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNCLE: You are fortunate to be geographically distant from your mentally ill nephew. It is not up to you to make amends with him. Until he receives psychiatric treatment for his illness, his behavior won't moderate and there will be no reconciliation. In a case like this, self-protection is the most reasonable action.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I received a generous gift card from my brother and sister-in-law to a restaurant we love. Next week, the four of us are going to dinner together there. My question is about the etiquette of using such a gift card. Should we use it that night or plan not to use it? If we use it and there is excess, should we pay toward my brother's bill? I know my brother won't be bothered or offended either way, but I'm curious about the "correct" way to handle this, and I'd appreciate your advice. -- WONDERING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WONDERING: If my mail is any indication, some folks become offended if someone they are splitting the bill with uses a gift card rather than a credit card or cash. That's why it never hurts to ask that question of the person who is joining you before going to the restaurant.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married less than a year, and I'm pregnant with my first child. Our baby was planned, and we were thrilled.

Something changed with my husband once I hit the second trimester. If I read something about pregnancy and try to share it with him, he instantly shuts me down, saying I shouldn't believe everything I read or that I'm wasting my time. He doesn't want to set up anything in the nursery, either. He keeps saying we don't need to do it until a month before the baby is due.

I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but friends have now taken a step back from talking to me and I'm feeling very isolated. The other night, my husband put me down at dinner with friends. One of them said being pregnant was the most selfish thing a woman could do, and my husband agreed! I am still hurt by the comment. While the person apologized for saying it and further explained their position on the subject (everyone had been drinking, except me), my husband hasn't apologized. He refuses and says I'm idiotic for being so upset about it.

I am at a loss here. We planned for this baby, and I thought it would bring us even closer. Now I feel incredibly alone and sad. Why would anyone say something so cruel, and why would my husband agree instead of being on my side? -- EXPECTING MORE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR EXPECTING: Pregnancy is an exciting and challenging experience for all concerned, and your emotions may be heightened. Although your husband was initially enthusiastic about the idea of starting a family right away, it's possible that during this second trimester he recognized the reality of the responsibilities that come with parenthood. It is also possible that, because of your excitement about your pregnancy, it has become your main topic of conversation, which may be why your friends have stepped back.

The remark that was made the evening the two of you were with friends was likely fueled by too much alcohol and not enough good judgment. Your husband may have agreed because he feels jealous that your body has been "co-opted" by the baby. Not knowing him, I can't guess at why he continues to refuse to apologize for it.

It seems to me you would feel less isolated if you found an older, more experienced female friend or relative to guide you through this challenging period. Also, keep up with your medical appointments to make sure everything is progressing normally.

DEAR ABBY: I was born deaf in my right ear. No matter how many times I remind the people I am closest to, they still seem to get annoyed with me because I ask them to repeat what they say. It is especially hard for me when their backs are turned to me. Any suggestions on how to curb my anger? Yes, it does upset me because of my hearing challenge. -- HEARING AS BEST AS I CAN

DEAR HEARING: Curb your anger by continuing to remind people they need to talk into your "good" ear and, when you are seated, be sure the people you are interested in conversing with are sitting to your left. If you do, it may be less stressful for all of you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently ended an 18-year marriage that should have ended many years earlier. While I was deciding to leave, I met the most wonderful man, "Winston." He treats me like a queen -- the polar opposite of my former husband.

My former home was sold during divorce proceedings, and I took Winston up on his offer to move into an empty trailer on his property. We get along so well, and I'm sorry we didn't meet years ago and have a life together.

Winston is my best friend. He has been nothing but respectful since our meeting a year ago. We didn't take our relationship to the next level until my divorce was final six weeks ago. I have been in the trailer for three months now, and I'm very happy. He lives next door in a house with his sister. Neither she nor he has ever married.

We have already talked about marriage. He would like us to be married in around six months. I was thinking of getting ENGAGED in six months, simply because I need time to breathe and I've gone through a lot with moving, changing my name, changing my address, etc. This has now caused a rift in our relationship.

I told Winston I do want to get married, but I haven't been divorced even two months yet. I need more time to adjust to such a different, more normal, relationship. Previously, he told me "no pressure," and he knows I need time, so I was kind of floored when he expressed wanting to get married in six months.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable, do you? What should my next step be? I do want a life with him, but I'm just not ready so soon. -- PAUSING TO BREATHE IN THE EAST

DEAR PAUSING: You are fresh out of an unhappy marriage. You met Winston on the rebound. You DO need time to recover and establish who you are before committing to another marriage. You stated that after you told Winston you needed to take your time, it created a "rift." That is a big red flag, and it does not bode well for what a marriage with him would be like.

People are advised to make no important decisions for one year after a traumatic event. I concur. Get to know Winston and his sister a lot better before walking to the altar. I'm also advising you to find a place other than his trailer to live so you can learn to be independent again.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a lonely girl without many friends. The friends I do have I hold on to tightly. One of them is now moving to a different state. She said we would stay in touch and I'd see her once more before she leaves, but she hasn't been answering my calls or texts. She hasn't been talking to another friend, either. My mom says I should stop calling her and she will answer when she has a chance. What should I do? -- LONELY FRIEND IN VIRGINIA

DEAR FRIEND: Your mother is a wise woman. There could be more than one reason why your friend hasn't responded to your efforts to reach out. She could be busy. She could be having separation anxiety, just as you are. Or she could be feeling smothered and overwhelmed. Listen to your mother and take a step back.