DEAR ABBY: My husband took me on a trip for my birthday this year, only he didn't prepare for anything other than some sightseeing events. He didn't help plan for camping, didn't financially plan well for souvenirs or if we wanted to eat out, and had a crappy attitude the entire time. We got into an argument at almost every event we went to because he either disagreed with my preferences or pushed back at my calling him out for pouting.

I'm upset because this was supposed to have been a "makeup" trip from him for ruining my birthday years prior, and for pretty awful fights we were having leading up to my birthday. I had tried to back out, but he convinced me to go. My actual birthday was the day after we got home. He ignored me the entire day, and we got into another argument. We had a few friends over, but overall, I was pretty upset and felt unloved by him.

When I addressed it the next day, he told me no one should get a "birthday week" and called me ungrateful and unappreciative of his efforts. Am I wrong for being upset? This was supposed to be his birthday gift to me, but it felt more like I took him on a trip he didn't even want to be on. -- BIRTHDAY GIRL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GIRL: It is possible your expectations surrounding your birthdays may be, in your husband's opinion, grandiose. Have you two been arguing about more subjects than birthday celebrations, and if so, for how long?

Speaking safely from the sidelines in order to avoid the crossfire, I suggest you ask your doctor (or health insurance company) to recommend some licensed marriage and family counselors. There are healthier ways to manage conflict in relationships than the way you two are doing it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my daughter-in-law. I know she loves me, but I don't think she likes me. An example: Yesterday, I met her and my son at my granddaughter's dance recital. When I entered and sat down next to them, she barely looked up from her phone, yet when another mother arrived, she leapt up and chatted for minutes.

This kind of thing happens often. When we are alone together, she chats with me, but if someone else is in the group, it's like I'm not even there. I have no other complaints about her. She is a terrific mom and partner to my son. Should I talk to her about this? How do I bring it up without making her defensive? -- IGNORED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IGNORED: I don't doubt that your daughter-in-law loves you. However, she may be so comfortable around you that she's treating you like family ... in other words, taking you for granted. She jumps up when she sees her contemporaries because she doesn't see them as often as she sees you, and they may have fresh news to talk about. Be grateful that when you are alone you communicate well. I don't think there is anything positive to be gained by approaching her with this.

DEAR ABBY: I think the world of "Celia," my best friend of 25 years. She has been there for me through many major ups and downs in my life. She is beautiful inside and out, well-educated and works hard.

Celia has been in a five-year relationship with an old friend I'll call "Vince." I think he is a nice guy, but not for her. He has no desire to do better in life, doesn't provide for her and lives off her money. Vince barely works, and his time is spent out and about enjoying himself while Celia works two, sometimes three, jobs.

Now Celia's physical health is suffering, and so is her mental health. Vince has a kid who sometimes stays over, and when they run out of money, Celia asks me to help cover them. She sees nothing wrong in this and wants to have a child of her own with him.

I have had many talks with Celia, but they go nowhere. I've helped with money a few times and she always pays me back. But recently, after she asked me for money for food for the three of them, I learned they went to the movies instead. Now I feel used. This is just not OK. I no longer want to give her money to cover a grown man's responsibility. I'm not sure how to tell her I can no longer help out with money. -- STRAINED FRIENDSHIP

DEAR STRAINED: Celia may be well-educated, but it appears she has serious self-esteem issues, little common sense and a parasite for a boyfriend. That she would consider having a child with Vince, a man who can't support himself or the child he already has, is coconuts! Tell your beautiful friend that while you care for her, you will no longer subsidize the three of them, and using your money to pay for movie tickets was the last straw. Then don't relent.

DEAR ABBY: I taught tennis lessons at a private club for 41 years. Then came the pandemic. I was furloughed and not asked to return to work. I wasn't given the usual parting acknowledgement that previous employees received -- no goodbyes, no thank yous.

In the successive years, I have asked for a free membership as a gift for my years of service. So far, the answer is "no." Is my request valid? Should I continue asking? -- SERVING FAIRNESS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SERVING: You didn't mention how many times you have asked for the membership as a gift for your years of service, but if it has been more than once, stop asking because it isn't going to happen. A furlough is defined as a temporary layoff for a specified period of time. Employees retain their jobs and benefits but do not get paid during that period. If this is what your separation from that private club was called, it may be time to speak to an attorney about how you were treated.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I (both women) have been together for 25 years. For half of them, we lived in the Middle East. We met while working as health care expatriates. My spouse is from South Africa and was raised very differently than I was.

When we finally returned to the U.S., we bought a house in a southern state where two of my brothers live. Over time, my spouse let me know she didn't want them to stay in our house when they came to visit. She preferred they stay in a hotel. She said she was disgusted that they might not shower before bed, and that our cats would be disturbed by their presence. I told her I thought her comments were rude, and I reminded her that sheets are always washed after visitors leave.

This has caused a lot of conflict in our relationship, and I'm not sure I can go on alienating and hurting my family by not welcoming them in my home. I love my spouse, but I love my family and friends too, and I want them to feel welcome. I am torn about what to do. -- PULLED IN TWO

DEAR PULLED: I don't know what your spouse has against having your brothers as houseguests, but her "reasons" for wanting them to stay in a hotel are excuses rather than reasons. As you stated, the sheets are washed and changed after guests leave. And cats are adaptable creatures. An alternative might be for your spouse to leave when your relatives come to visit, or for you to visit them instead.

DEAR ABBY: My sister passed away 11 months ago, just one month after a diagnosis of ovarian cancer. I loved her and miss her dearly. She told her husband and me that she wanted me to have specific belongings and her annuity that was in her name, but she did not have a will.

My brother-in-law has not given me anything that she requested be given to me. I haven't asked why, but I feel if I don't ask, he'll never give me an explanation. I realize that since she didn't have a will, he's not legally obligated to give me anything. It's really about trust, honesty and fulfilling her spoken wishes, but I guess he doesn't view it that way. I feel totally disrespected. Should I never ask him why and distance myself from him? -- DISAPPOINTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your sister. By ignoring her wishes, her husband isn't disrespecting you, he is disrespecting her. It's a shame your sister didn't have her wishes in writing, but she didn't, and you will have to accept it. Since you feel you need answers, ask him why he hasn't followed through on what your sister wanted. Depending upon his answer, decide whether to distance yourself then.

TO MY READERS: I wish you all a joyous, meaningful, healthy and safe Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

TO MY READERS: The eight days of the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah begin at sundown. Happy Hanukkah, everyone, and a joyous Festival of Lights to all of us! -- "LATKAS" OF LOVE, ABBY