DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a small department in a medium-sized hospital. My problem and that of the other workers in our department concerns a fellow employee whose table manners are deplorable, not to mention unhealthy in the hospital environment in which we work.

When we eat lunch together, he will pick his teeth with a plastic fork, use his napkin as a handkerchief or loudly clear his throat, all without excusing himself from the table where we are all eating. Today, he helped himself to my lunch using his fingers to tear off a piece of meat without asking permission. We were all horrified.

Please, tell us how to politely inform him of his terrible manners without hurting his feelings. Besides showing a lack of etiquette, his table manners are unsanitary, especially in a hospital setting.

GENTLE READER: His manners are unsanitary in a non-hospital setting as well, which leads Miss Manners to wonder why you choose to continue to eat lunch with him.

Ending joint lunches may be a sacrifice, but it avoids the rudeness of correcting someone else's manners. If your co-worker notices the change and asks, it may then be possible to explain that you have a prejudice from childhood of not sharing your lunch, but you did not want to give offense.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son and his fiancee are planning a wedding in her hometown. It will be an out-of-town wedding for all of our side of the family and friends, and many of the bride's friends. With hopes of getting a sense in advance (for accommodations and other planning purposes) of how many guests will make the long trip, would it be acceptable to include on the save-the-date notices a line of "Advance RSVPs Welcomed and Appreciated" along with the wedding website address?

I feel that without the RSVP prompt, most guests will just wait for the formal invitation, which will come far too late to reserve rooms and make other important arrangements.

GENTLE READER: While there is a logic to getting answers sooner, Miss Manners fears that it breaks down when asking someone to respond to an invitation that has not actually been extended. She has no objection, however, to simply sending the invitation earlier.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father offered one of my root beers to a guest of my aunt's. Was he right?

Or should he not have offered my stuff since I had nothing to do with the guest? Please help me with this so I can stop being angry when he does this.

GENTLE READER: It is time to have a talk with your father, now that he is of an age where he can understand the consequences of his actions. You must be the adult. And adults do not begrudge using available supplies to offer hospitality to guests.

Miss Manners suggests you explain to him that just as he taught you to respect his feelings and his things, he owes you the same courtesy. You would be happy to share your root beer with your aunt's friend, but he should have asked you first.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is planning to visit his estranged daughter, who is a lesbian, married and now pregnant with twins. My husband's Christian faith is a matter of contention for her, as same-sex marriage is not sanctioned.

Regardless, my husband loves his daughter and wants to avoid being alienated. He has plans to meet with her for a brief visit.

We have not met her wife, who recently gave birth to a son. The last time his daughter visited us, she condemned and swore at her father, so there is a lot of reconciliation that needs to occur.

Is a gift in order for her or the babies, or her partner and son? If so, what would be appropriate?

GENTLE READER: You have kindly provided Miss Manners with a great deal of irrelevant information. And she knows even less than your husband does what would please your stepdaughter.

Why people keep asking Miss Manners to choose presents for people they know but she does not is a mystery. If there were an all-purpose present that would please everyone, everyone would already have it.

But she is going to give this one a try, based on the one legitimate clue you did provide: that there are going to be a lot of infants in this household. So it shouldn't be too great a burden on the imagination to realize that their parents might need help.

Baby equipment times three? A service to relieve them of some chores? Or best of all, a grandfather willing to show loving consideration by pitching in.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I bought an expensive engagement ring for my fiancee. She went to get the band sized and possibly a different style band. She then selected a much larger diamond that costs thousands more, and she knew the price difference. I heard this not from her, but from the salesman who (with her knowledge) phoned me to explain how she loves the new proposed ring and diamond.

Am I right to feel hurt and disrespected?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but what you should really feel is panicked.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother taught me that it is inconsiderate to serve food to guests that someone at the table is not able to eat.

Today there are so many food restrictions, whether from medical necessity, religious laws or personal preference, that it sometimes seems impossible to serve a meal that everyone at the table could eat. What is a hostess's responsibility to provide alternatives to a planned menu to accommodate all guests?

GENTLE READER: Tough as Miss Manners may be, she cannot reasonably ask people to be responsible for doing what you rightly point out is impossible. She dares say that even your gracious mother could not devise such a menu today.

It has therefore become incumbent on hosts to inquire beforehand if their guests have any food restrictions -- and to hope that the guests do not interpret this as an opportunity to register their mere dislikes.

If, among them, they eliminate all the food groups, the best that the host can do is to see to it that all of them have enough for an acceptable and palatable meal, even if they cannot eat everything that is served.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In these days, where one must rely on technical support given over the telephone in order to repair a problem, what is the proper etiquette when one cannot understand the person giving the technical information? Especially if you are being charged for that information?

GENTLE READER: "I am so sorry, but we seem to have a bad connection -- and with all of this technical language, I am unable to understand you. Could we do a written chat instead, or is there someone else with whom I can talk?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I just had a baby (our first). We were obviously very excited, as were most of our family. However, my father-in-law has not shown the level of excitement we would have expected.

My father-in-law has not gotten us or our daughter a gift or even a card. He did visit briefly while my wife was in the hospital.

When my wife's sister had their first child, my father-in-law had a custom dresser made by a furniture maker. This dresser is easily a $700 to $1,000 piece of furniture.

My wife is starting to take this personally. It is becoming part of a long-standing situation in which my father-in-law discounts everything accomplished by my wife because her older sister has already done it. I want to say something to him but don't know that it is my place.

GENTLE READER: Are you really hoping to get into the middle of an age-old fight about which sister your father-in-law prefers?

While Miss Manners sympathizes with your disappointment in what you deem lesser treatment, really your only solid complaint is that you didn't get the $1,000 piece of furniture. Your father-in-law did acknowledge the new baby -- even if it was not with the measure of excitement you would have liked.

Asking why you didn't get the goods ("but Bethany did!") is not a polite grievance. You could, however, ask for the gift of his company -- and make concrete plans to arrange for it. Then if he still doesn't comply, you may wonder aloud what you or your wife did to upset him. But only if you are genuinely prepared to hear the answer, which may not be reasonable or pleasant.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I liked your advice to the person who may not be able to afford a big restaurant party to invite friends over for tea and cake instead. I always get carried away with big ideas that I can't afford. I forget that one can still be hospitable and generous without spending a lot of money.

Do you have any other similar ideas for someone on a budget?

GENTLE READER: The underlying idea is to invite people at times when meals are not expected: midmorning coffee, afternoon tea, or after another event, such as the theater. Miss Manners has noticed that even the greatest food snobs consider scrambled eggs to be a great treat when served at midnight.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)