DEAR MISS MANNERS: The question is: Should my niece write a thank-you note? Her mother (my sister) says no. I say yes.

Here’s the story: My niece’s friend has stayed the night at our house two times. She was a lovely guest, thanked us all profusely, but did not write a note. This friend sees my niece every day at their soccer program, where they are both interns.

My niece was invited to a lovely dinner hosted by her friend’s grandparents, with whom the friend lives. When I asked my sister if my niece had written the grandparents a thank-you note, my sister replied: “No, I don’t want her to show up (friend’s name)!”

This seems crazy to me. My niece enjoys a lovely invitation and doesn’t write the grandparents for fear of showing up their granddaughter? I think my sister is wrong.

GENTLE READER: Attempts to pass off your niece’s thoughtlessness (unwillingness to thank someone for a kindness) as thoughtfulness (avoiding shaming her friend) are neither logical nor convincing.

The events and the participants being distinct, no comparison is likely to be made. But if it were, Miss Manners would prefer to think that in writing a thank-you letter that the grandparents might mention favorably, your niece would be setting her friend a good example.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many months ago, I had a medical condition from which I am mostly recovered. It still manifests itself in mild but visible signs that do not bother me; I usually don’t even notice the problem. Eventually, this will all go away, so I am not at all concerned by it.

Sometimes, the person that I am speaking with will notice, and in the middle of the conversation will ask, “What’s the matter with your ___?” I know this question arises because the person I am speaking to is genuinely concerned, and I am happy that people care.

But the answer is complicated, and I do my best to be succinct. “I had such-and-such illness, which has left me with this visible problem, but I’m OK and it’s not a big deal.”

This, unfortunately, generates a gasp, because the name of the illness sounds much worse than it actually is. The gasp is followed by, “Oh, I’m so sorry,” along with more questions, or sometimes even a story that starts with “I once had ...” If I don’t name the illness, I get pressed further for more details.

I would much prefer to just get back to the conversation and not discuss medical conditions or illnesses. How can I respond in a way that ends the inquiry without making the person feel awful for having asked?

GENTLE READER: With less detail. “It was a side effect of a condition I had, but fortunately it’s resolved and going away.”

Miss Manners appreciates your assumption that the inquirer’s intentions are good, but that assumption will be tested if there are follow-up questions. Each subsequent answer should be identical to the first. The repetition is a pointed, but polite, way to respond to mounting rudeness.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response when an acquaintance or stranger says “She’s beautiful” about your child?

Even if I were my teenaged daughter’s biological mother (I’m not), I think “thank you” is a little strange because her beauty isn’t my accomplishment. Should the answer be different depending on whether my daughter is present?

GENTLE READER: Compliments are an expression of admiration, and sometimes also of gratitude, flattery -- or merely an attempt to move things along. Miss Manners expects that anyone who has toasted the host at a boring dinner party or been on a first date is aware of this.

Because compliments are not recognition for work well done, you need not worry about not having earned one. The proper response is “thank you,” meaning for having thought and/or said something charming. If the compliment is given to you about your teenage daughter in her presence, your daughter will have to be gracious about not being addressed directly, an approach more suited to a small child.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his new wife were married last year, with a wedding shower the month before. We have never received thank-you cards for either event, nor have any of the other guests.

This is very rude of my son and my daughter-in-law, in my opinion. Should I say something to them about getting busy writing, or just let them be rude? Is telling them to write them rude as well?

GENTLE READER: It is not rude when you are in loco parentis -- and even less so, if there can be less than no rudeness -- or when you are the actual parentis.

Miss Manners does suggest that when you raise the issue, you talk about the other guests’ not having received thanks, and leave your own grievance to the side. There will then be no way to confuse justifiable parental nagging with whining.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I both wear wedding bands with carved designs. My ring has no diamonds or jewels of any kind. I don’t have an engagement ring. I respect other women’s preferences, but I did not want my husband to spend unnecessary money on jewels. Our bands were not expensive and they are comfortable to wear.

Some people seem to think that a lack of jewels is an indicator that the husband is not truly devoted. One person even implied that an inexpensive ring means that there was a “shotgun wedding,” for an unexpected pregnancy.

We have been married for seven years, are financially comfortable, and we have no children by choice. How should I respond to people who ask why he didn’t buy me a diamond?

GENTLE READER: As if someone had questioned the value of one of your most treasured possessions.

Miss Manners is not advising a counterattack of the “I do not waste money on baubles” variety. The sentiment-vs.-expense point can be made more subtly. Your face should convey surprise, hurt and vulnerability, as you explain that your husband knows you so well that he guessed that this ring would mean more to you than any rocks would have.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I go out to dinner with another couple, he thinks it’s petty either to request separate checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is what we do with most friends.

The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only contributes $5 to $10 for the other couple’s food.

However, we are friends with one other couple who has always declined to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my husband and I have always been the ones to order more), and my husband has always grumbled afterward to me about “Tony’s” stinginess.

Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends.

I don’t think friends are obligated to subsidize my husband’s and my appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when it’s $40 worth. Also, I think it’s OK to request separate checks.

GENTLE READER: This problem is likely to solve itself when you find that you are the only person left willing to go out for dinner with your husband.

Funny how his idea of polite sharing always seems to work in his favor. Miss Manners notices that he is not paying that “little extra cost of going out with friends”; he is charging them for the privilege of going out with him.

It is true that it would be petty to grudge the cost of offering hospitality. But this is not the case in a restaurant, where it is agreed that each of you is buying a meal. There is nothing unfriendly about requesting separate checks, which would be a good idea if you want to have any friends left.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Recent wedding-planning discussions have gotten my friends and me thinking about the new rules for wedding gifts.

Most couples of my generation (that fuzzy one between Gen Y and the millennials) have been living together for years, or have been on their own long enough that a wedding registry is seemingly pointless -- just a way to fill one’s already-cramped apartment with more junk.

However, since there is something deeply ingrained within us, asking for cash often comes off as either greedy or crass. What are some ways to avoid the confusion, hurt feelings and duplicate blenders?

GENTLE READER: The way to solve both these problems is to realize that giving and choosing wedding presents -- or, as you think of them, junk -- is up to the prospective donors, not the recipients.

Miss Manners considers the fact that couples often get married fully outfitted to be a good reason to drop the custom, rather than to devise other ways to extract money from guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)