DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here is an issue for our times: I was in a coffee bar recently, and a person sitting a few feet away from me was listening to some sort of recorded content on his mobile phone without the benefit of headphones. It was annoying, particularly on top of the shop's programmed music and other face-to-face conversations taking place.

After a while, I asked, in a very polite and civil manner, "Sir, do you happen to have earbuds or headphones that you could use?" He bristled slightly and said that he didn't realize the sound was annoying, then simply shut the device off, for which I thanked him.

Is what I did within the bounds of reasonable and polite behavior? While I would never question someone's right to engage in a face-to-face conversation or telephone call in this situation, my feeling is that playing anything loud enough for someone else to hear amounts to forcing your choice on others, and is therefore inconsiderate. I would appreciate your thoughts on the issue.

GENTLE READER: Certainly this is rude. Bristle as this young man might, you did nothing wrong by politely and reasonably asking him to use headphones in a public place. In fact, Miss Manners assures you, you likely saved him from a ruder patron's much more indignant objections.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My closest friend has been helping a healthy 92-year-old man clear possessions from his house over the course of a year, beginning after the great loss of his wife. He has given my friend a number of personal items.

Over this time, my friend has mentioned me as a very dear friend, and the man he is helping is inclined to share a piece of jewelry with me. It is a vintage designer piece -- a choker, I believe. I am happy to receive it as a loving response to his loss.

I will likely see photos of the jewelry before actually receiving it -- or even meeting him. Should I acknowledge and thank him before receiving the piece of jewelry? And I would imagine I should formally thank him again after receiving and wearing it.

I believe there is no protocol for the preemptive acknowledgment of a gift. It will be at least three months before I receive it, after he has placed it in my friend's hands to deliver to me. I am a most sincere and constant writer of formal thank-you notes, so you might understand my dilemma.

GENTLE READER: No one ever complained about too many thank-you letters. Well, only if they were bemoaning their own deficiencies in writing them, of course. And fortunately, you do not complain about that.

Miss Manners therefore thinks it would be charming for you to write a letter to your friend's friend, introducing yourself and telling him how honored you are to be the recipient of a piece of his departed wife's jewelry. Then, when you finally receive the gift, you could write another (shorter) letter, acknowledging receipt and saying that it is even more beautiful in person.

There is no reason not to give this kind gentleman some good reading material in exchange for his generosity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The pandemic has altered life in many ways, perhaps permanently. One change that is grating on my nerves is basic telephone courtesy.

With so many of us working from home, it is now common to be on a business call while listening to dogs barking, babies crying or dishes being washed in the background. One person I work with seems to call me only while she is munching on her lunch. I suppose these callers aren't aware of how distracting these sounds are.

I had to ask one client to call back when he was through at the gym because the sound of someone doing reps on a machine was so off-putting: wheeze, grunt, bang, wheeze, grunt, bang -- constantly repeating in the background. He was cool about it, but was I out of line? Are we supposed to accept this inconsideration as the new normal?

GENTLE READER: Lunch munching and gym wheezing are indeed extremes. ("Lunch Munching and Gym Wheezing" would also be an excellent name for a cartoon show.)

But, Miss Manners points out, none of us is exempt from the occasional barking dog or wayward car alarm when we are working from home, even if the sound is from across the street. She therefore suggests a simple, non-accusatory, "Why don't I call you back at a better time?" And then hope like mad that there is one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who is obsessed with a particular movie series that came out when they were younger. They love to talk about it, which is fine. I have seen them get very defensive, even a bit angry, when someone said they didn't care for the series.

When I was asked the other day for my opinion, I avoided the topic, because I personally do not like the movies. We work at a small company, and it can be obvious when avoiding just one person. How do I best tell them that I'm not interested in that subject?

GENTLE READER: "If you don't want to hear my opinion, then you probably shouldn't ask."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My nephew is getting married soon. I received the wedding invitation, and it says "vegetarian or vegan with special dietary request." My nephew's family are all meat eaters; none are vegetarian or vegan. I found it odd. Usually vegetarian/vegan options are special request.

Do I mention it? Or is meat a special dietary request? It's a new world, so I wasn't sure.

I was thinking that I would just go along with it and eat a big lunch beforehand. His grandma thought it was funny.

GENTLE READER: Grandma would find it even funnier if you penciled in that your special dietary request was meat.

But your hosts will not be so amused. Miss Manners suggests that you and Grandma therefore make plans to eat your big ol' slab o' cow beforehand or afterwards -- and keep the humor of the whole situation to yourselves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a good friend who always interrupts me in a conversation. I don't think I've ever completed a sentence around her! Then she proceeds to tell me she has a brother, cousin, neighbor, etc. who has gone through whatever I'm trying to express. Help! What do I do??

GENTLE READER: Even constant interrupters occasionally check for a physical or verbal affirmation to see that their audience is still with them. Think of your friend as a wild animal looking for a meal: These checks are her way of making sure you are a suitable audience (meal) because you are still listening (alive).

If you assume an attentive, beatific, static and, above all, silent smile (play dead), she will lose interest and either wander off or ask what you think of what she just said.

The answer to the latter is, "Very interesting. I just was not sure if you were finished."

This eventually works on even the wildest humans, which Miss Manners knows from having spent a great deal of time observing them in their natural habitat. Not having spent much time in the woods, she makes no similar claim about actual wild animals -- no matter how chatty they may be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don't drink coffee. I have no objection to it, I just have never liked it. But I am a tea drinker.

Some friends acknowledge this; others don't -- and who, truly, can keep track of all the likes and dislikes of our friends? I don't mind.

So, after a meal at the home of friends, whether old or new, when coffee (and only coffee) is offered, I always decline. However, I long for a cup of something to join the rest. Usually I just sip from my water glass, but that's difficult if coffee is served away from the dinner table.

I always have tea bags in my purse -- a habit from years of traveling for work. When offered coffee, could I reply that I don't drink coffee, but ask if I could have a cup of hot water, since I have a tea bag to use?

(I did this once, some time back, and was told by the hostess that she had no means of boiling water -- even though a microwave and stove were in the kitchen -- but that she could give me some water from the faucet. It made a lousy cup of tea.)

GENTLE READER: The etiquette rule that prevents guests from asking for things not offered is not absolute.

You can ask if there is pepper when offered salt. You can ask for mustard when there is ketchup. And you can ask for tea when there is coffee -- without, please, offering your own tea bag.

Miss Manners also allows guests to ask for water so long as they do not tell us about the pills they are taking, and for the bathroom so long as they do not tell us why they need one.

In all such cases, the question should be phrased apologetically, and a negative answer received gracefully. In no case should the guests offer their own solutions -- although, in the bathroom example, they may need to apologize for an early, hasty departure.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)