DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to decline to be photographed at parties and other private events? Not that anyone asks beforehand. I sometimes notice that I'm being snapped while in the midst of a friendly conversation at a host's home, and people then post my photo on social media.

I simply don't want my photos to be on the internet. If I say, "Wait, let me step out of the photo," it seems to cause a scene. People ask, "Why don't you want your picture taken?" and become upset, as if I'm behaving badly.

I've had people rudely criticize me, insisting that I "shouldn't be worried about it." There are dozens of reasons why someone might not want their photo online -- from having dealt with a stalker to being employed in a role in which party photos are frowned upon.

I don't think these reasons are anyone's business. Of course people are going to take photos at weddings, but at cocktail parties and the like, shouldn't I be able to say no? If so, how?

GENTLE READER: Turn your back on them. No, not while they are speaking to you, of course. But if you find yourself being photographed without consent, Miss Manners suggests you slyly turn to look at something or bend down to tie a shoe.

If questioned, you may say, "You know, I don't want to ruin the picture, so I will just step aside." After a few takes of this, your would-be photographers will probably be too exasperated and bewildered to protest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a wedding invitation that states "black tie only." This leaves a bad taste in my mouth: It seems to say that I'm important enough to invite to your wedding, but that you don't think I have the sense to show up and look nice.

I honestly cannot afford to buy a new formal outfit, but have plenty of dressy clothes in my closet. Not sure what to do. If I show up in a dress that's not "black tie," will I be told to leave?

Or should I break the bank buying a dress and then not be able to afford a gift? I'm really perplexed over this.

GENTLE READER: For women, "black tie" generally means a floor-length dress made of a dressy material like velvet, chiffon, silk, satin or taffeta. But its interpretation is widespread, subjective and influenced by fashion trends.

Hence the bad-tasting "only" in that invitation. Merely stating "black tie" is the traditional notification to guests that the event is formal.

If you do not already have something that fits the criteria -- and most people do not, unless they are regulars at Hollywood award ceremonies, opening nights at the opera or the bridesmaid circuit -- Miss Manners will defend your choice to wear the best of what you already have in the way of dressy clothes. She assures you that you will not be the "only" one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are vaccinated, boosted and get flu shots annually. We know COVID is still lurking and we are not reckless, but we have resumed many of our pre-pandemic activities. We don't wear masks, but respect those who do. If we are not feeling well, we stay in and stay away from others.

We invited another couple to our house for dinner. We had not seen them since before the pandemic began, and in the ensuing time, the husband had had a serious medical issue (unrelated to COVID) that left him very immunocompromised. While he is still somewhat cautious, he said he is out of the woods, is not worried about getting sick and is ready to resume a social life.

When we extended the invite, we confirmed several times, via phone and text, that they were comfortable socializing in our home. We offered to change to an outdoor venue or postpone the dinner if they were at all hesitant about visiting.

They expressed no concerns, so we were surprised when they both showed up at our door wearing N95 masks. We awkwardly asked if they wanted us to wear masks as well (never mind that I'm not sure we could have found any, had they said yes).

They both said no, it was fine. The husband took his mask on and off throughout the evening, but the wife never removed hers, except to eat. She seemed very upset and almost rude during the visit. They left early.

Afterward, my wife and I discussed that perhaps we should have worn masks even though they told us not to -- maybe they were just being polite? No one got sick, but it is still bugging me because I'm not sure if we did anything wrong. What are the correct manners in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Although you and your wife are correct in realizing that your guests expected you to do more, their behavior was based on a mistaken notion about etiquette that you seem to share.

By assuring you at every stage that nothing more needed to be done, your guests acted foolishly. And demonstrating anger when you conformed your behavior to what they said -- rather than reading their minds -- was rude.

But it was all so unnecessary. Miss Manners assures you that none of the following would have been rude: agreeing that it would be better to hold the event outdoors; postponing; even accepting your offer at the door to wear masks. If only they had picked one of those options.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the fairest way to divide up an office when several colleagues' daughters sell cookies?

GENTLE READER: By not selling cookies in the office. Miss Manners suspects you meant "fair" to apply to the budding entrepreneurs and their sponsors (also sometimes called "parents"), but she prefers to apply it to the equally hardworking staff.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to discuss events one has hosted or attended, to which one's interlocutor was not invited?

Many people in my social and professional circles talk freely about this or that party they went to, or hosted, to which I was not invited. I try to be discreet about gatherings I have attended or hosted when talking with people who were not there because I do not want people to feel excluded or rejected, but many people in my social circle do not exercise the same consideration toward me.

Is there a proper response to such disclosures that calls attention to the etiquette breach (assuming this is a breach) but does not expose the hurt I feel, which I would prefer to keep to myself?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette objects when one or two people in the group are singled out by the rest for ridicule, which is the effect when the group goes on about how much they enjoyed their evening together without you.

As Miss Manners suspects you already know, the only way to disguise your hurt is not to mention it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Ten years ago, I was a working single mom to a loving, but rather difficult, 5-year-old boy. Not having enough bandwidth for everything, I decided to pick my battles in raising him. I focused on the behaviors that were the most important to me, like being punctual, contributing to household chores, sending thanks for gifts and thinking about others' feelings.

Other things, like table manners, I let go, hoping that he would pick them up by observation, and if not, that I could teach him in the future.

Well ... the future is here! He is a punctual, grateful, kind 15-year-old who cooks and cleans. But his table manners are atrocious: He hunches down over his plate, chews with his mouth open, talks with his mouth full, etc.

Do you have any advice on how to address this now? We have a really good relationship, but as an independent teen, he's touchy about instruction from Mom. (By the way, the angle of making a good impression on a potential romantic partner won't work. He's not there yet!)

GENTLE READER: Even parents with greater bandwidth (which Miss Manners assumes to mean more time for parenting rather than a louder speaking voice) do not teach everything at once. Consider table manners an extension of the parental lessons that went before. That the delay has made the task harder -- because your son is of an age where he is less receptive -- makes her wonder if perhaps you did mean speaking louder.

Just remember how you taught other manners successfully: by repetition and appealing to a sense of kindness to others. Sloppy table manners can damage the appetites of those around him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)