DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the last few years, I have been introducing recently bereaved female relatives and friends as “the widow X.” I was surprised to learn that this offends some people, so thought I might vary the introduction with an occasional “the relict X.”

Which term do you think most women would prefer? In the case of a bereaved male, would the term “relicter” be appropriate? Thanks for any guidance you can offer.

GENTLE READER: Some guidance: Please stop annoying the bereaved by showing off your familiarity with defunct terms that identify them as leftovers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been slowly slogging through grad school -- one course a semester -- and after four long years, I’m finally going to graduate.

I work in the industry I’m going to school for, and I’d like to invite some of my co-workers out to dinner to celebrate. While I’d love to foot the bill for everyone, I’m not financially able to do so.

How can I tactfully word the invitation so everyone knows I’m inviting them to dinner, not treating them to one? I don’t want anyone to be embarrassed due to assumptions or expectations.

GENTLE READER: Here is a lesson about the real world: If you cannot afford to do something, you cannot do it.

It is true that getting others to pay your bills has become a national sport, whether it is through gift registries, fundraising drives or by charging people you claim to entertain. The ruse of “come and honor me at your expense” is a common ploy.

Miss Manners will not help you do that. Why didn’t you ask, instead, how you could entertain your colleagues inexpensively?

Perhaps you could treat them all to a toast in the office cafeteria, or in a bar after work. Or invite them to a weekend tea party.

Or you could just bubble over about how happy you are to be graduating and to have a great job working with people you admire. Then perhaps someone might think of toasting you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should the bride and groom be shown the best man’s speech before the wedding? Or, if not them, someone else?

GENTLE READER: What makes you think the best man needs vetting?

Oh, right -- he is the bridegroom’s best friend, so it is not hard to guess his notion of what should be said. Miss Manners supposes that that is the problem. Perhaps that should have been considered before he was assigned the role.

But yes, the bridegroom can inquire, in the spirit of friendship, what his buddy is thinking of saying. He could even drop some remarks about the sensitivity of the crowd, and what topics should be avoided, however amusing.

But in the end, he has to trust that his best man will do his best to please him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there any way to politely back out of an invitation one has already accepted? I know this is done all too frequently for any reason, but there are some situations where something more important truly does come up. Is there a mannerly way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: Disease and death are excuses that any host should recognize as valid for canceling an invitation. “Something more important” is not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In January, I had the pleasure of attending two holiday parties. Both events were potlucks, to which I gladly contributed dishes. The hosts provided beverages like water, tea and coffee. The parties were well-attended, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

However, a few days after each gathering, I received a message from the hosts. They mentioned the amount they had spent on the party and requested a $10-$30 donation from the guests, providing their financial app details for this purpose.

This approach struck me as more akin to a fundraiser than a social gathering among friends. Is this a standard practice in modern times? Is it now customary for hosts to ask for post-event monetary contributions to cover their expenses? I want to ensure I am up to date with current social etiquette.

GENTLE READER: Putting aside the audacity of asking guests both to cater the party and to pay for their drinks, Miss Manners cannot imagine how one could even consume $10 of water, tea or coffee.

So it would seem that guests are being charged rent for the use of the venue as well. This borders on extortion.

There is nothing wrong with an agreed-upon potluck, but that is where it stops. The act of holding a party must assume some of the responsibility for basic amenities. Even restaurants don’t charge for plain water.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is a first grader at a local elementary school. We drive him there for drop-offs and pickups each day, which entails parking and escorting him to and from the building. These drop-offs and pickups typically take about 15 minutes each.

I have gotten in the habit of parking on a residential side street that is convenient for entry and exit without having to wait for crossing guards and such. Lately I have noticed the lady whose house I typically park in front of giving me sideways glances, and the other day, she wagged her finger at me from afar like I was a naughty schoolboy.

This residential street is about half a block from the school, and it's a public street with no residential parking permits required. The husband and wife at this house are obviously retired and well off, and they park their cars in the garage; I am not encumbering them in any way.

Should I start parking somewhere else? My gut instinct is that I have every right to park there, so why should I make my life more difficult to accommodate them? They are the ones who bought a house next to an elementary school (the school has been there since 1957). Am I justified in continuing to park there?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but if the dirty looks continue and you feel emboldened, you may reasonably say, “I’m sorry, but parking on this street does not seem to be restricted. Am I missing something?”

Miss Manners just asks that you steel yourself for the answer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was leaving the gym when I saw someone wearing a T-shirt that infuriated me. It read, in bold letters, “Eat the Fragile.”

This made my blood boil, particularly in today’s climate, as there are so many groups targeted with hateful, inflammatory slogans. I thought about the elderly, the disabled, the minority groups that deal with this sort of thing constantly.

I wish I had been forthright enough to comment in some way that might have made this individual think, but I was too angry to speak in a civil manner, so I simply left. What could I have said?

GENTLE READER: Clearly, this T-shirt was an attempt at humor, arguably even satire. Perhaps it actually meant the opposite of what it said.

That it did not land with you is understandable. Miss Manners does not get it, either. But pointing out insensitivity to someone you already believe to be insensitive seems a waste of time.

For the sake of your own blood pressure, Miss Manners urges you not to take so-called humorous shirts at their literal word. Half the people who sport them have forgotten they are wearing them, anyway. We already have more than enough intended insults on the streets; we need not go looking for more.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 29-year-old, fully independent daughter recently told me that she does not wish to hear negative comments from me: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

I am the retired senior director of a large multimillion-dollar firm with two postgraduate degrees. I successfully managed hundreds of employees over the years and undertook extensive, complaint-free personnel management, staff development and mentoring.

I have a forthright personality and am used to speaking my mind directly with family, due to years of having to be politically correct in the office. I raised my daughter to be a strong, successful career woman. I am at a loss now that I must be politically correct all the time.

I know you will probably tell me I am in the wrong, but as I am now in my late 60s, I am tired of having to self-censor. I have done it for so many years and in so many professional and social settings. My daughter was one of my only “filter-free” outlets.

Do I just suck it up, smile, shut my mouth and stop being me? Or do I need to pay a therapist to listen to my invective?

GENTLE READER: Not wanting to be a punching bag for bottled-up negativity, Miss Manners notes, hardly qualifies as censorship.

Perhaps your daughter is so successful because she learned from you how to maintain cordial business relationships. Now she is doing you one better by recognizing that family deserves the same respect, if not -- brace yourself -- even more.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)