DEAR MISS MANNERS: There are so many requests to give donations at the checkout line these days -- sometimes multiple times in a day! I do give to worthy causes, but I have been asked at every visit to a particular grocery store, where I shop almost daily, for a contribution.

It has started to trouble me that all of these funds -- collected at the expense of the customers, and with such frequency -- serve to benefit these large stores as donation write-offs.

Add to this the implication that one is being miserly to the less fortunate if another donation isn’t made. Some people who would like to give generously are simply not in a position to do so, and shouldn’t feel embarrassed.

I have tried saying, “Thank you, I already donated,” which is accurate, but it doesn’t really address how unkind it is to put customers (and the sales staff, who have been told to ask) in such a position. I have also said, “Not today,” but I admit to feeling a little badly about that sometimes.

I am considering simply giving a warm smile and a, “Thank you, I donate privately.” How does Miss Manners feel about such a response?

GENTLE READER: Does this not seem to you like an inordinate amount of time to spend worrying about something to which the sales staff, the store manager and the other customers are not paying the slightest attention?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a Pilates studio, and I like to acknowledge and express appreciation for the hard work of my instructors after each class.

I’m unsure how to do this when people get into detailed conversations with the instructor after class. My practice has been to say a loud “Thank you!” or “Great class!” into the air as I leave the building. Sometimes I try to make eye contact.

Is that an appropriate response? I’ve struggled with this dilemma for years at various workout studios where the environments are fairly intimate.

GENTLE READER: Is your purpose to express personal gratitude to the instructor, or to lead the rest of the class in a similar expression of gratitude? Do you wish to be seen demonstrating your thanks publicly, or are you in a hurry to get to your next appointment?

Miss Manners asks only because your solution could be seen to address all of these except the first. Assuming that expressing your own gratitude -- and not the public display -- is actually the one you care about, she suggests you write a personal letter and leave it at the front desk after the last class.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I told my husband that he's always saying I am negative. He said I was a liar. Later, he said I did something 10,000 times. When I said HE was a liar, he said his statement was an exaggeration. I asked why my statement was a lie, whereas his statement was an exaggeration.

What’s the difference between an exaggeration and a lie in these sentences?

GENTLE READER: The subject, dear.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you have any advice on how to manage questions from audience members post-lecture?

The moderator makes it clear that due to time limitations, questions should be concise. Inevitably, one or more men (always men, to date) ramble on about tenuously related issues before the moderator interrupts them and asks for their question.

This interruption does not act as a deterrent, only a chance for the person to take a breath before carrying on about Aunt Matilda’s hip replacement in 1989, Jimmy Carter’s secretary of state, etc.

I end up feeling like the event was hijacked by these rambling audience members, and I resent the fact that the program coordinators are not more effective in their roles.

Recently, an audience of about 200 people broke into a chant: “Ask your question! Ask your question!” I realize this was a rude way to treat a fellow human being. However, we have paid a fee to listen to an expert in the field, not to someone telling personal stories and seeking attention.

GENTLE READER: It is rare that Miss Manners sees an acceptable solution that others have found rude.

True, it would be rude to issue that chanted command in most circumstances. But perhaps not this one.

It was the job of the moderator to remind the gentleman, as often as necessary, that the microphone was his only for the purpose of asking a question. Finally, he could have been told, “Thank you, but we will move on to the next person who has a question.” Failing that, other audience members were performing the same function.

What makes the situation different from social attempts to silence bores is that this offender put himself on stage, and was therefore subject to the audience's reaction.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the proper way to eat an olive with a pit? At home, I pop the whole thing in my mouth, chew off the olive, then place the pit on my plate. Is that a polite way to eat it in a restaurant? Or should I hold the olive, nibble it off the pit, then place the pit on my plate?

GENTLE READER: Carry on as before. Miss Manners reminds you that an olive is not a popsicle.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 50-year-old retired American man, and just moved to Paris with my wife and two kids. I attend a terrific language school where I have made friends with several teachers.

We have bought an apartment, and we’re thinking of having a housewarming party. That said, I’m sensitive to the fact that my financial situation is very different than that of my classmates, and particularly that of my teachers, who are paid criminally low salaries.

Is it in poor taste to have a housewarming party knowing that my friends will not be able to afford a nice family apartment in Paris like the one we have?

GENTLE READER: Yes. If you call it a housewarming, you will seem to be expecting your guests to admire your expensive home, if not also to contribute something to it.

Miss Manners suggests that you focus on the guests, instead, making it a party to get to know them better -- rather than to feature your apartment.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It’s nearing that time again: time for the ridiculous show of kindergarten "graduations." I generally decline invitations to any such events, but this year I have a grandniece "graduating" who lives in the same town I do.

I feel I should attend and do my best to limit any eye-rolling. Is a gift required? What does one get a 6-year-old for this event?

GENTLE READER: You seem to have difficulty appreciating the solemnity of the occasion and your grandniece’s mastery of academic skills. Therefore, Miss Manners suggests that you approach it, instead, as the young lady’s entry into (slightly) higher education.

You would not, then, give her a toy, but an introduction to a subject that interests you -- science, art, history, whatever that may be. The present could be a book at the first-grade level or, better yet, an excursion with you to a museum, laboratory, national monument or such. Along with your sincere efforts to spark her interest.

Think of the future, when you attend the ceremony at which she receives her Ph.D. in this field. Then you will not have to worry about rolling your eyes, but about shedding a proud tear.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have, as close friends, two families in which the husbands -- previously powerful, with highly respected jobs -- have become disabled with dementia. Both wives have explained that they have become caretakers for their husbands. You can imagine the tragedy; we are devastated.

My wife and I care deeply for both families, but we don’t know how to communicate with them now, or even if we should. If we attempt contact, we may seem to be imposing and demanding a response. If we don’t, we may seem indifferent. Can you suggest the right path forward?

GENTLE READER: Pay social visits to them. Look for ways to relieve the wives -- doing errands, bringing treats, staying with the husband so that the wife can go out.

But you were wondering if you should even communicate with these close friends. Miss Manners would have thought that the very concept of friendship means not deserting them because of their troubles.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My high school senior made a mistake, and the consequence is that he will get a diploma, but he cannot participate in any senior activities -- including attending graduation and walking across the stage.

I have already bought graduation announcements, and they all have the date and time for the ceremony. I can’t mail them now, I guess???? How do I let people know my first child has graduated, without letting them know he wasn’t allowed to walk the stage??

GENTLE READER: This is not your son’s finest moment. Miss Manners would think it in his best interest not to call attention to a situation that may get out anyway, as it is probably known to the entire school.

She suggests that you use the announcements as scratch paper, and merely tell anyone who would be interested that yes, your son has finished high school and is now ... (fill in the blank: attending college, starting a job, or whatever he is doing).

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)