DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should a person apologize if they are unaware they did anything wrong? While staying with a friend, my husband stole the covers all night long. When I told him what he'd done the next morning, he said tersely, “I didn’t know,” but didn’t apologize.
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When I said I’d apologize if the situation were reversed, he said he didn’t need to because he was unaware of his wrongdoing. Who is right?
GENTLE READER: Ah, the old “but I didn’t mean to” defense. To which Miss Manners would say, “Well, I certainly hope not.”
If you meant to steal the covers (or step on my foot or hit me with your car), this would be a very different conversation -- possibly one with criminal repercussions.
Accidents are still subject to apology because they have consequences for the victim. They should be accompanied by vows to be more aware in the future -- as impossible as that may be for the perpetrator to guarantee.