DEAR MISS MANNERS: My children’s school district is the first organization I’ve dealt with in my professional career in which employees routinely ignore their customers.

I make an effort to ensure that the person I’m reaching out to is the appropriate person for my question; I send a focused, respectful email, and I receive no response. In one instance, I suspect I didn’t receive a response because I was inquiring about something they had done that they’re not allowed to do. But in other cases, it’s a mystery.

I wrote to the vice principal to ask if my child could attend a community youth leadership conference without it being counted as an absence. The registration deadline came and went with no response, and now it’s too late.

I reached out to another person at the school, whom conference organizers said was their contact person, to ask if she would be willing to give us a heads-up about next year's conference when she receives the materials. Again, no response.

It’s confusing, because our child’s previous school had six times more students and this didn’t happen there. What is the polite way to communicate with people who ignore you when there are no other people to turn to?

GENTLE READER: People in your situation -- which, eventually, is everyone -- sometimes come to believe one of two misperceptions.

The first is that, ultimately, one has to abandon politeness to get a response. The second is that there is no one else to turn to.

One of the few saving graces of bureaucracies is that there is always someone else to turn to. That is how Miss Manners is able to remain polite, knowing that persistence with the boss, the boss’s boss, the boss’s boss’s boss and -- in extreme cases -- school board members and other publicly elected officials will eventually make someone realize that it is easier to fix the problem than to continue to ignore it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were meeting another couple at a restaurant for dinner, and we arrived 15 minutes before our reservation time. The other couple was not in the waiting area. After my wife and I sat for a while, we checked with the hostess and were informed that our dinner companions were already seated.

When we located them in the dining room, they had already ordered drinks. Though we didn’t say anything, I felt it was rude for them to have proceeded without us. I thought it was common courtesy to wait until the entire dining party could be seated at the same time.

I know that many restaurants insist that all members of a party be present before they are seated, but this obviously was not the case here. Am I missing something?

GENTLE READER: Restaurants refuse to seat incomplete parties to maximize revenue, not manners. But as the practice is not uniformly applied, Miss Manners recommends that polite diners share their whereabouts directly with one another upon arrival -- a practice made relatively easy by ubiquitous cellular telephones.

This does not preclude proceeding to a ready table, though she agrees that ordering before everyone is present should be kept to a minimum.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a shower for a friend’s daughter’s wedding. It was called a “suitcase” shower, meaning that everyone was asked to give a gift card since the bride lived out of town.

When they started opening the cards, the family slowly realized that they couldn’t tell what people gave, or pass any gifts around to share, because it was all money on cards. After that awkward realization, they then passed around the wedding invitation -- to show it to those who were not invited to the wedding!

This was how I learned that I was one of the uninvited. I was stunned. The mother of the bride then said that not everyone was invited to the nuptials because “perhaps they couldn’t afford to go out of town” to attend it. It seems to me that if I were invited, it would be my choice whether or not I went -- for whatever reason.

I then felt even more insulted. It seems they were intent on having a small wedding, but by having a shower, they made sure that they got gifts from more people.

After the wedding, the family sent out invitations for a backyard reception for the newlyweds. The invitation did not say anything about "no gifts," so I assumed they were expected. And although I had already given them a gift, I would have felt awkward arriving without another, so I didn’t attend the reception at all.

As a result, my friend didn’t speak to me for several years. Was I wrong for not going to the reception and not giving another wedding present?

GENTLE READER: It strikes Miss Manners that the way to handle such a “suitcase” event is to pack up and get out of there.

If you are looking for validation that it was an insult to wave the wedding invitation in front of you -- and announce that "nyah, nyah, you were not invited" -- Miss Manners can give it to you. The only thing you owe this family is thanks for cutting off relations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have something the doctors call “non-allergic perennial rhinitis,” which means my nose runs all the time, every day, for no reason. Due to this uncontrollably runny nose, I have constant recourse to my handkerchief throughout the day, 365 days a year.

Is the use of a handkerchief permitted at the table, or must I excuse myself every 10 seconds? Either seems likely to be distressing for my friends.

GENTLE READER: Are you honking?

Miss Manners begs your pardon, but cannot imagine what -- other than some quiet sympathy -- could distress your friends if you are merely dabbing your nose with your pretty handkerchief. Accompanying noises do bother some people, but surely those people would have disappeared from your life long ago.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cousin invited me for dinner on a Sunday night and asked me to bring wine and a dessert. When I got there, she said it had been a very busy weekend and she hadn’t had time to cook.

She took me with her to a chain takeout place and bought one item that the sign said was for one to two people (her husband and daughter were joining us). So I bought (and paid for) more food so there would be enough for all of us. She thanked me profusely.

A couple months later, she invited me over on a Sunday again (with a request for wine and an appetizer), and again, she didn’t have time to cook and she brought me with her to another chain takeout place where she hemmed and hawed about prices (she said they were broke after buying a new SUV and taking an expensive Hawaiian vacation) until I offered to pay for half.

I don’t mind chipping in, but I’m wondering why she’s inviting me over at all if entertaining is a burden, both time-wise and financially. Am I rude if I politely decline the next invitation?

GENTLE READER: The expression that comes to Miss Manners’ mind is “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”

Should you still wish to go to dinner at your cousin’s, you might ask her just beforehand whether she has had time to prepare, because if not, you will spare her the rush and go another time. It will at least alert her that you are on to her little scheme.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I entertained two guests on separate occasions: One was a guest for the weekend, and the other just for dinner. Each one put their feet on my coffee table as they were sitting on the couch. (One was barefoot and the other was shod.)

Astounded as I was, I said nothing. What would have been the appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: “Sorry, I don’t have a footstool, but I can get you a pillow. Meanwhile, let me move this coffee table out of your way.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I invited a new friend, who lives about three hours away, to stay with us when they were visiting our city.

We told them to make themselves at home -- "Once you know where things are, please help yourself" -- and they did make themselves comfortable. However, they didn’t clean up after themselves: dirty dishes and glasses left everywhere, dirty coffee spoons left on the counter (right below where the saucers are clearly kept), etc.

I’ve never visited family or friends without cleaning up after myself. Should I follow houseguests around to clean up their dishes? Or should I politely inform them I am not here to be their waiter, busboy and cook? How should I address this politely?

GENTLE READER: Maybe you should have checked out their home before telling them to consider yours theirs.

There is no polite way to chastise your guests. But Miss Manners will allow you to help them feel even more at home by saying, “Here’s where the dishes go after we wash them.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)