DEAR MISS MANNERS: My first pregnancy has been 10 years in the making due to infertility. I would like to tell some specific friends the news before I announce it in general on social media.

However, when I try to start a conversation with these friends, such as via text, they talk about themselves and don’t ask how I am, so I don’t have a good lead-in to my announcement. I am not sure that I should call them out of the blue, since I usually don’t, and I don’t want them to think something is wrong.

I am hesitant to just share the news with no lead-in, since one friend was somewhat taken aback when I completely sprung it on her. My husband thinks I should just text people with “I’m pregnant!” and call it a day, or wait until the public announcement -- and then if these friends are offended that I didn’t tell them directly, at least I tried.

But I feel strange about not directly telling some of my close friends simply because I never got a “How are you?” in reply. Am I overthinking this?

GENTLE READER: Or perhaps you are underthinking the quality of these friendships with people who never seem to ask after you. Miss Manners is not sure they deserve a private announcement.

But if you think they do, she suggests you call them (out of the blue -- gasp!) and before they get a chance to launch into their own lives or assume any misfortune, say, “I have good news!” and then proceed. This will also spare them wondering how you are feeling -- since it seems they would not think to otherwise ask.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I love to throw dinner parties, but often our guests stay late into the evening. My husband loves to continue to entertain guests after dessert, but I am more of an introvert and would prefer that they head home.

To that end, I often will do dishes and clean up while my guests are still present, but after the meal is over. I’d much rather have all the dishes done that night than leave them until the next morning.

May I clean up a dinner party while my guests are entertained by my spouse? Sometimes my friends will complain that I should be entertaining them instead.

GENTLE READER: Well, it does convey the message you intend: that although you would like your guests to wrap it up, you will tolerate their presence if your husband does the entertaining.

Miss Manners suggests a compromise, but only for your more intimate friends: Ask one or two of them to keep you company while you put a few things away. Of course, they will likely insist that they help, but you can politely refuse or accept as you see fit.

Again, this is for close friends only. Should you entertain business acquaintances or heads of state, you must stay in the living room until they leave.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a gregarious friend who likes to involve service people, such as cashiers and waiters, in conversations he is having with me.

Occasionally I will make a request, such as asking a waiter about the contents of an entree, for a reason this friend knows. He then often says something to me along the lines of, “Do you want to tell him, or should I?”

This, of course, leads to an awkward pause. I find this rude on several points. First, I am capable of giving the person all the info they need to know, such as dietary or religious needs, to fulfill my request. Second, it feels to me like he is co-opting the conversation so he is now in control of it. And third, it puts me uncomfortably on the spot, as now the service person expects further (unnecessary) clarification that I do not wish to give.

I am requesting your assistance on a non-rude, effective retort to my friend that will prevent this behavior.

GENTLE READER: What your friend is doing is a breach of both etiquette and friendship. But Miss Manners assures you that if you treat it as such, just once, you will not have to repeat yourself: “If you are about to share an aspect of my medical history that there is no reason for him to know, then I would ask that you please not do so.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a CPA who will be retiring in 2025 after 36 years with my employer’s firm. Over the years, I have acquired several tops, sweaters and jackets imprinted with my firm’s logo. They are all in good condition and I enjoy wearing them.

After my retirement, is it appropriate for me to continue wearing these items, as I believe I have earned the right to do? Or should I offer them to other women in the firm when I leave?

GENTLE READER: Military establishments, airlines and other institutions in which the clothing confers authority are fussy about donning the uniform when you no longer work there. But companies usually issue sweatshirts to promote the brand -- not to terrify the enemy -- so Miss Manners sees little reason not to wear them into retirement if you wish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My old college roommate and I were at school together about 40 years ago. Over the years, we have lost touch, but I still enjoy seeing her family in online posts.

In her most recent posts, her husband is not in any of the family pictures. I don’t know if they have divorced, if he was out of town, if he has passed away, or if maybe he was just having a bad hair day. As I haven’t said anything to her for many years beyond an annual birthday message, is there a delicate way to inquire about his absence?

GENTLE READER: Well, no. "Where’s your husband?" is not likely to be received well, whether he died or ran off with the other college roommate during the reunion you missed. But if you reconnect with this friend, Miss Manners is confident that a little patience will eventually be rewarded.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My children’s school district is the first organization I’ve dealt with in my professional career in which employees routinely ignore their customers.

I make an effort to ensure that the person I’m reaching out to is the appropriate person for my question; I send a focused, respectful email, and I receive no response. In one instance, I suspect I didn’t receive a response because I was inquiring about something they had done that they’re not allowed to do. But in other cases, it’s a mystery.

I wrote to the vice principal to ask if my child could attend a community youth leadership conference without it being counted as an absence. The registration deadline came and went with no response, and now it’s too late.

I reached out to another person at the school, whom conference organizers said was their contact person, to ask if she would be willing to give us a heads-up about next year's conference when she receives the materials. Again, no response.

It’s confusing, because our child’s previous school had six times more students and this didn’t happen there. What is the polite way to communicate with people who ignore you when there are no other people to turn to?

GENTLE READER: People in your situation -- which, eventually, is everyone -- sometimes come to believe one of two misperceptions.

The first is that, ultimately, one has to abandon politeness to get a response. The second is that there is no one else to turn to.

One of the few saving graces of bureaucracies is that there is always someone else to turn to. That is how Miss Manners is able to remain polite, knowing that persistence with the boss, the boss’s boss, the boss’s boss’s boss and -- in extreme cases -- school board members and other publicly elected officials will eventually make someone realize that it is easier to fix the problem than to continue to ignore it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were meeting another couple at a restaurant for dinner, and we arrived 15 minutes before our reservation time. The other couple was not in the waiting area. After my wife and I sat for a while, we checked with the hostess and were informed that our dinner companions were already seated.

When we located them in the dining room, they had already ordered drinks. Though we didn’t say anything, I felt it was rude for them to have proceeded without us. I thought it was common courtesy to wait until the entire dining party could be seated at the same time.

I know that many restaurants insist that all members of a party be present before they are seated, but this obviously was not the case here. Am I missing something?

GENTLE READER: Restaurants refuse to seat incomplete parties to maximize revenue, not manners. But as the practice is not uniformly applied, Miss Manners recommends that polite diners share their whereabouts directly with one another upon arrival -- a practice made relatively easy by ubiquitous cellular telephones.

This does not preclude proceeding to a ready table, though she agrees that ordering before everyone is present should be kept to a minimum.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)