DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother died of a sudden heart attack while having dinner with friends. One of his friends called me and I headed straight to the hospital, but it was too late.

Someone at the hospital gave me a bag of my brother’s belongings, which I took home and stuck in a closet while I dealt with calling family and friends, consoling my parents, making funeral arrangements, grieving, etc. (My brother was not married, and did not have a serious girlfriend at the time.)

After a few days, I decided to tackle the bag of personal belongings, where I came across my brother’s cellphone. It had run out of power and needed charging, so I plugged it in. Almost instantly, it started pinging with messages -- the vast majority of which were condolences from my brother’s colleagues. Most of them signed their names as “John Doe, Position at Company.”

Is it acceptable to send condolences to a deceased person’s telephone in the hopes that a family member will read them? I proceeded to send a brief thank-you to each one, signing it “from the family.” Was this an acceptable way to handle it?

Some of the people who had sent messages then started calling my brother’s phone. When I answered, some were polite and civil, wanting to re-express their condolences. But others were inquisitive and prying ("How did he die? How long did it take the ambulance to arrive? Who was with him?" etc.), which made me regret answering at all.

I contemplated calling my brother’s boss just to ask her to tell everyone to stop calling.

What is the proper procedure in a situation like this?

GENTLE READER: Knowingly calling a deceased person’s phone is morbid, and quite frankly, lazy. Not only does it not replace a proper condolence letter, but it annoys and disorients a grieving family.

The obvious solution is to disconnect the telephone line. But if you cannot resist calling your brother’s boss, Miss Manners suggests that you at least do so with an excuse: Inform her where and when the service is -- or at least where his colleagues may send proper written condolences, if they wish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At an evening event, I was introduced to a very high-profile individual. While I was happy to meet him, it was impossible not to notice when he smiled or talked that he had something stuck between his two front teeth.

Had he been an old friend, I would have immediately and discreetly told him about it. Since this was our first meeting, though, I felt that doing so would be inappropriate, so I said nothing.

Was I wrong? What could or should I have done?

GENTLE READER: Immediately and discreetly told him about it. One does not have to be old friends, Miss Manners assures you, to spare another human needless embarrassment.

And who knows? The resulting gratitude could have made you a new old friend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Person A lost his wife after nearly 65 years of marriage. On what would have been their wedding anniversary a few weeks later, Person B texted Person A to say, “I’m thinking of you on your anniversary.”

Person A wrote back and said, “Thank you -- it was a hard day, and I appreciate you thinking of me.” Person B texted back, "You’re welcome."

Now, I know that “You’re welcome” is more polite than alternatives such as “No worries,” “No problem” or “Of course.” But it seems somehow inappropriate in this circumstance, and I can’t put my finger on why.

What is one supposed to say in this scenario? What should Person B have said, if anything, when being thanked for thinking of Person A?

None of this is my business, so of course I said nothing. But it did cause me to wonder.

GENTLE READER: The sentiment being more important than the form, Miss Manners thinks Persons A and B both acquitted themselves most graciously.

How fortunate for you that it is not your business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I are getting married this fall. It will be a very small wedding, with just our immediate families in attendance, and no formal reception. Because we are having such a small wedding, and because we have been living and creating a home together for the past six years, we did not create any kind of wedding registry. The attendance of our loved ones at this special moment is gift enough!

However, my MIL-to-be recently hosted a surprise wedding shower on our behalf, where several relatives who will not be at the wedding gave us gifts. While we are so grateful for their thoughtfulness, our lack of a registry meant that several of the gifts were either not our style or things we already had. The guests did provide gift receipts, so we were able to return some of these unneeded items and purchase a nice knife set instead.

How should I complete the thank-yous for the items we returned? Do we mention that they were exchanged for something else, or just thank people for what they gave?

I don’t want to lie and say, “Thank you for the candlesticks; they have a prominent place on our mantel!” when that is not the case.

GENTLE READER: Welcome to a world where presents are not just chosen off of a list and some thought is put into their choosing. Isn’t it wonderfully tacky?

Being honest would be cruel, but outright lying is not necessary, either. Miss Manners suggests that you compliment the presents without committing to using them. As in: “What a unique and interesting tablecloth. Its Jackson Pollack-like look will be so convenient in hiding spills.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I both have baby girls: Hers is about 6 months old, and mine is 3 months. She has given me a whole bunch of her little girl’s clothes -- such a high volume of items that some still had the tags on.

My friend began offering me these clothes before I'd even had my baby; I initially refused, multiple times, because I was sure that we would have a boy. She dropped them off anyway, without asking, and said, "Give them away if you don’t want them." She also insisted several times that I let her know when we needed the next size up.

I ended up having a girl, and since I had those clothes, I didn’t buy very much for her. But recently, my friend told me that her best friend was offended that she wasn't given these hand-me-downs instead of me. (For reference, her friend hopes to be pregnant soon, but is not yet.) Then she told me to give the clothes to her friend when we are done with them.

I was hoping to hold on to all the clothes because we plan on having more children. I also asked her for the next size up, as my friend had insisted, but was met with a very different response -- as though I was begging for handouts that rightfully belonged to someone else.

The whole situation has made me very uncomfortable, as though I have no right to the clothes I have been dressing my child in since she was born.

I have now given all of the clothes to this person I don’t know; she was very terse with me, furthering my impression. I am honestly quite offended, and feel like I can’t be friends with the first woman anymore.

I am perfectly capable of purchasing clothes for my own kids, but I had come to depend on the ones she had insisted on giving me. Now my daughter’s closet is empty, and I missed all of the seasonal sales, so I am having to order everything full-price.

Is my friend being reasonable? Was this a normal request? Do I have any right to clothing that is given to me free and clear, at least initially?

GENTLE READER: No, no and no.

That is: No, your friend did not behave reasonably in pushing clothes on you, ignoring your polite refusals and then, when you had come to rely on them, changing her mind -- going so far as to make you feel bad for having accepted. And no, it was not normal to pile on demands about what happened to the clothes after you were in receipt.

As to your third question, Miss Manners is admittedly not sure which clothes you refer to: She assumes we are talking about clothes promised, but not yet actually in hand. In that case, no: You cannot realistically enforce the promise of a future gift -- you can only let the friendship go cold.

At this point, that seems the reasonable thing to do.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)