DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of ours constantly passes his cellphone around our dinner table to share photos. My husband is immunocompromised, and so we are careful of germ exposure. We don’t want to touch this friend's phone.

What is a polite way to avoid touching his phone and to stop this activity? I think we should just say, “No thanks.” Maybe I should talk to him in private so he isn’t embarrassed.

GENTLE READER: Speaking with your friend, or gently announcing to all your guests that your table is a device-free zone, solves the long-term solution.

But if you forget, or run into a similar problem with someone else -- and phone-passing has become a widespread nuisance of our time -- Miss Manners suggests you simply stand up, go to your husband and intercept the phone before he has to take it.

You can make this look natural -- expressing delight at the photo and showing it to your husband -- before you then pass it to the next person over. After that, you only need to complete the action that ostensibly caused you to rise: a trip to the kitchen if this is your home, or to the bathroom if it is someone else’s.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year a neighbor had a Christmas party. She invited a lot of people and it was quite crowded. She made a number of tasty dishes and provided some drinks.

This year, she has sent invitations for a post-Christmas open house and asked that the guests bring food. There was no RSVP request and no phone number provided.

I do not want to go. Am I obligated to tell her? My husband says we should bring food, stay for 10 minutes, then leave.

GENTLE READER: Nice try: Even though no telephone number was provided and no response explicitly requested, etiquette still requires you to answer the invitation (even though Miss Manners knows no one else will).

You must respond -- but a response declining the invitation is just as polite as an acceptance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are we obliged to travel with friends who do not share the same passions, routines or interests that we do?

Over time, we have vacationed with many of our friends, so we understand whom we wish to be with on our adventures. But how do we manage friends who ask where and when the next trip will be, when we would prefer to travel without them?

GENTLE READER: You are not even obliged to travel with friends with whom you do share the same passions, routines and interests. But Miss Manners does require you to refrain from speaking of the glories of your proposed destination.

When asked where and when the next trip is, you need not share plans at a stage when they can be changed, and you should avoid being drawn into planning meetings. That way, you can describe your trip as “already fully booked” if you are traveling with others -- or “Finally, our chance to get away by ourselves” if not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Help! My husband and I stayed at my parents’ house and slept in their guest bedroom. Friends of theirs had gifted them with a terrible, but very expensive, mattress. It slopes severely toward the edges so that you feel like you’re falling all night long, making sleep impossible.

My mom happened to ask if we liked the mattress, so I said “no,” and explained why. She proceeded to look up reviews for the mattress on her phone to see whether I was right about whether or not we liked the mattress (I guess).

What do we do next time we visit? We seriously won’t be able to sleep on that mattress, but saying that we’ll stay in a hotel would probably start World War III.

GENTLE READER: When you are a parent (if you are not already), remember that exchange when you ask your children for feedback (as you will) and then argue when they give it (as you also will).

Miss Manners notes this merely to grease the wheel of life. The answer to your immediate problem is to remind your mother that she asked, and hope that her own sense of fair play will win out. And to sleep on the sofa.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in an area that is known for terrible coffee, so my friends and neighbors often come over for an espresso drink. They know I take the process seriously to make a quality drink, using an espresso machine/grinder and milk frother.

Although I will ensure the machine is filled, cups are warmed and a filter is ready for making a fresh cup upon arrival, the process is very loud and I can’t hear my guest while I am making their requested drink.

What would be the correct way to let them know that I can't hear them while I complete the five-minute task of making a drink? And should I let them stand there, or seat them?

GENTLE READER: As we are being careful with the coffee, Miss Manners recommends also being precise about the problem. You do not need to tell your neighbors that you cannot hear them over the coffee grinder; that will be obvious as soon as you press the button.

The problem is that you cannot politely press that button while they are halfway through asking you a question. Wait until a pause, therefore, point to the grinder, say, “Excuse me,” and grind away. If necessary, you can repeat this process for each noise-making step.

Even the most situationally unaware neighbor should be able to remain politely quiet in the hope of getting caffeinated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have long been troubled by the carol “We Wish You a Merry Christmas,” specifically the intimation that if we don’t give the uninvited guests their figgy pudding, they “won’t go.”

How are we to address this request? I don’t want to be ungrateful for their wishes, but think that their insistence is a bit beyond what is considered polite and reasonable. Can you advise how to proceed?

GENTLE READER: What was that? Miss Manners couldn’t quite hear you over the ruckus made by the geese a-laying, the calling birds, the French hens and the turtledoves. The partridge, fortunately, appears to have passed out under the pear tree.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several years ago, a divorced woman exactly my age moved in next door. I liked her very much and tried to become friends with her.

Although she was chatty enough outside the house, she never invited me in, and the few times I invited her, she had other things to do. I eventually gave up and settled for the occasional brief conversation in the yard.

Last year she was very sick and completely housebound. I started visiting her, and she seemed very pleased to see me and always encouraged me to return. As she gradually improved in health and began going out again, my visits became fewer. I kept trying to come up with reasons to text her or go over. Every time she saw me, she claimed she was very pleased and that we should keep getting together, but she never initiated a single contact.

At Thanksgiving, I texted her and she enthusiastically wrote back that she was so glad to hear from me. A few days before Christmas, I noticed her car was gone. I realized she must have gone to her daughter’s, several hundred miles away, for the holiday. I felt very insulted that she hadn’t bothered to tell me she was going, and that despite all my attempts at friendship, she never sent me any sort of Christmas wishes.

Should I just give up on this woman? Shouldn’t a friendship be somewhat of a two-way street? I had thought after all the contact we had last year, we had finally cemented our relationship, but it doesn’t seem to have happened. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you are a good neighbor. But too anxious a friend.

Miss Manners suggests that you stop monitoring the lady’s car. She is not obliged to check in with you before going away.

But if it means that much to you, you could encourage her to do so by saying, “If you let me know when you’ll be out of town, I’ll be happy to take in your mail.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our high school reunion committee is planning a 50-year reunion for our class. The committee would like to have a memorial table for those who have passed, including listing a cause of death next to the classmate’s name.

What is your take on this? Should the memorial table include just the names and maybe their age at death? In my mind, including the cause of death is not only gruesome, but also detracts from the point of the party. Others have the opinion that this is another way to honor their lives.

GENTLE READER: Describing their deaths would honor their lives?

Now you have Miss Manners worrying about what sort of education your high school offered. Would these graduates be capable of writing a short essay explaining why that would be considered an honor?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)