DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can you be responsible for ghosting someone when they never write to you?

Just because I have decided to accept their silence, and return it to them, doesn’t mean I don’t care. But what is the proper way to say goodbye? It actually seems worse to do it formally.

GENTLE READER: Tell the friend/spouse/child who is goading you about this that the ghosted does not become the ghoster. And that it would be wildly insulting to write a letter to Emily/Everett/Eli -- from whom you have not heard in a year, in spite of multiple efforts -- to say that you are breaking off the relationship.

However, Miss Manners suggests that from time to time, you might reach out, if you care to. Sometimes even ghosts change their minds and respond.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was just wondering how one might react when there are people out there -- not just some, but vast blocs -- who promote that one should be able to do, act, say and be exactly who they wish to be with no fear of reprisal from anyone.

Just look around: It seems that ANY level of dissension about another’s actions results in some level of shaming -- name-calling, finger-pointing, etc. If the people in question adhere to their belief in “Hey, pal, this is who I am,” you can bet your bottom dollar they’ll want everyone else to adhere to it, also.

I suspect Miss Manners is one of the old guard, as am I. But if one subscribes to the “be who you want” societal philosophy, where does one draw the line?

GENTLE READER: If you believe that people should behave politely and treat one another with respect, then you and Miss Manners agree. If you mean that we don’t all have to agree on everything, we agree. If you mean that no one should impose their personal opinions on others, then again, we agree.

But if -- when you condemn people “who promote that one should be able to ... say ... exactly who they wish to be with no fear of reprisal” -- you mean that people should fear violence for expressing an opinion, then, respectfully, we disagree.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are celebrating our six-year anniversary soon, and I’ve been reflecting on our first date. He took me to a restaurant, where I ordered a dinner salad. While enjoying this salad, a piece of lettuce fell from my fork onto the table.

What would have been the proper way to handle this circumstance? Leave it on the table? Scoop it into a napkin? Place it on the corner of my plate? I’ve always wondered about this.

GENTLE READER: Ideally, there would be an unobserved moment when you could snag it back onto your plate with a fork or napkin. But Miss Manners is curious what you did do. If it was not unobtrusive, it must have been charming, as it led to marriage.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My birthday is a few days after the new year. It’s a very easy date to miss altogether in the shadow of December and New Year's celebrations. Growing up, I often received “combo” holiday and birthday presents. I was taught to thank relatives and friends and not complain that it "wasn’t fair."

Nowadays, an e-card can be scheduled for auto-delivery to someone’s inbox months in advance, so it’s not even necessary to remember someone’s birthday. A birthday card with a brief handwritten note that I can display on a living room table for a few days to look at would be my preference, but I accept that e-cards or emails with “happy birthday” messages are here to stay.

In the past year, a few people who used to schedule e-cards for delivery on my birthday are now scheduling them for delivery on New Year's Day.

I am an adult, not a 5-year-old, but is there a way to remind friends of my actual birthday without coming across as petty or ungrateful that they “remembered” me at all?

Last year, I waited the few days after New Year's to send thank-you’s on my actual birthday, with a note that my birthday plans got washed out “today” (it usually rains on my birthday), but I still enjoyed myself, and then I mention what I did to celebrate.

Apparently that was too subtle, because this year I continued to receive e-cards and emails on New Year’s Day (and even one on New Year's Eve), some with notes that they hoped my birthday “today” is a good one. Any suggestions, or should I just let it go?

GENTLE READER: Shortchanging a child on holidays is mean, and Miss Manners finds it sad that it has left you dissatisfied with the birthday acknowledgments you get now.

But you are grown up, and well aware that these are now generated mechanically. It is not as though your well-wishers -- and they are well-wishers -- are freshly moved each year to congratulate you. Somehow a mix-up has occurred, perhaps even without their realizing it. Nor are they scrutinizing your response enough to make the change.

These are the most casual of gestures, not comparable to relatives hurting a child. If someone very close to you forgets your birthday, you can mention that you are sensitive about this because of your childhood experience.

But to those who only send e-cards -- please do let it go.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother just earned her Ph.D. She holds many other professional titles, as well. I would like to give her a desk nameplate, but I'm unsure how to approach it.

Should the first line on the plate read her name only, with all credentials underneath? Or should the first line contain her name and "Ph.D.," then the other credentials underneath? There are four titles to include.

GENTLE READER: You can use the title “Dr.” and put the others below -- but please assure Miss Manners that this is intended for your mother’s home desk, and not an office, where her colleagues might find all that alphabet soup laughable -- if not arrogant.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why is it that people see it as mandatory to send a thank-you for a gift? It seems like people give gifts with the sole purpose of being appreciated. This seems contrary to the whole idea of giving a gift.

To explain further, let me tell you how I give gifts. I have a large family that is pretty far-flung. Some years I’m in touch with certain members; other years I’m in touch with others. When the holidays come around and I am shopping for gifts, I look for things that remind me of them and of conversations we've had.

Gifts, to me, are not a chore and not an obligation. If I get a thank-you card, it is nice, but I do not see any obligation on their part to send me one. I got my reward already.

Why are thank-you cards so brutal and draconian?

GENTLE READER: What’s that? People are sending brutal, draconian thank-you cards?

Well, that would be wicked. But Miss Manners guesses that you mean that you consider the requirement to send them to be brutal and draconian.

Usually, that is the claim of people who are on the receiving end of presents. It is unusual for a generous giver, as you seem to be, to make that argument. But you have in common with them the idea that the act of giving should be a sufficient reward.

Don’t you want to know that your present was a success? Or even just that it was actually received? Would it not be rewarding to hear that the recipients of your thoughtfulness were pleased?

It’s called feedback.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother told me, long ago, why table knives are placed with the cutting edge towards the plate, but I have forgotten. Would you be so kind as to remind me, as my mother is no longer available?

GENTLE READER: It was to avoid the knives being used to attack fellow diners -- or at least to lessen that possibility. Really.

In cruder times, if you can imagine such a thing, people brought their hunting knives to the table, with which to tear into the animals they'd hunted (now cooked).

But as they were no more immune than we to strongly held differences of opinion, diners were sometimes known to express their contempt for the beliefs of others.

But blood on the table can ruin a dinner party. So it was decreed that the cutting edges of knives should be turned towards their owners, thus symbolizing their peaceful intent.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Unfortunately, in all my etiquette books, there is no reference on the time interval between receiving a wedding/baby shower gift and sending a thank-you note. Is there a too soon/too late window?

GENTLE READER: That is because there is not supposed to be an interval. Too early is before the present is received, and too late is any interval afterward -- although not while the donor is still standing there.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)