DEAR HARRIETTE: As a child, I fell into a strange habit: I always have to wash my feet before I go to bed. I hate putting dirty feet in my bed (where I like to feel clean), so I have gone to ridiculous lengths to covertly wash my feet, especially because no one else thinks this is a big deal. I have washed my feet in sinks, with hand wipes and even using an outdoor hose. I will be going abroad on a World Wide Opportunities in Organic Farming program that has limited showers and water. I don't want my weird habit to inconvenience my trip, but I can't fall asleep if my feet are dirty -- it gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. How can I manage my secret habit in a totally foreign land? -- Clean Toes, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CLEAN TOES: Your secret practice is not that strange. In many parts of the world, it is considered an absolute requirement to take off your shoes before you enter a home so that you don't bring dirt from the road into the home. Same goes for entering sacred spaces. Your philosophy of not putting your dirty feet into your bed makes perfect sense.

Rather than hiding your habit as if there is anything wrong with it, just do it. With limited water, you may want to take extra wipes with you that you can use to wipe off your feet. You can even find wipes with soap in them, which will help to clean your feet more efficiently.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When visiting my daughter a few states over, the topic of grandchildren came up. She told me we needed to talk, sat me down and explained to me that she never plans on having children. My daughter has medical conditions that could be passed down to offspring, but that is not guaranteed.

I am devastated, and I told her that she should still try to have children -- it isn't too late for her. She got upset with me for not listening to her, and she accused me of caring more about being a grandmother than her wishes. I am thinking of how to bring up adoption to my daughter without stepping on her toes further. -- Want to Be a Safta, Denver

DEAR WANT TO BE A SAFTA: Your first job is to apologize to your daughter and admit that your desire to be a grandmother clouded your ability to listen to her fully. Go back to her and ask her to tell you about her concerns again. Your daughter is dealing with the realization that either she can't or won't have a child -- it's possible that her doctor advised her against giving birth. Let her know that you want to support her in any way that you can. Become a good listener. Hear where her head is now. She may not be capable of considering adoption until far into the future, if ever. If you notice a moment that feels comfortable enough to bring up adoption, do so gingerly, but no time soon. Like your daughter, you may have to accept that children are not part of your future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I planned to meet up with my perpetually late family at a trendy new restaurant. I secretly moved the reservation time an hour later because I knew they would be late. After I showed up for the 7 p.m. reservation, I waited another 30 minutes for any of them to arrive. It was so embarrassing for me that the hostess came up to me to essentially ask if I was being stood up.

We enjoyed dinner once everyone showed up, but there weren't any apologies issued to me, just some grumbles about work. To their knowledge, I had been waiting an hour and a half. My blood nearly boiled. I knew everyone had been late in the past, but I expected them to change this time. I am about to go out of town for a while, and everyone wants to meet one last time. I'm refusing. -- Nearly Stood Up, Baltimore

DEAR NEARLY STOOD UP: Rather than simply not coming, request that the dynamics of the gathering be changed. Ask a family member to host something at home that you can attend. Tell them all that you do not want to meet at a public place because you are no longer willing to wait and be embarrassed because they never make it on time. Tell the host that you will stay for an hour, and be specific about that time. Then, you can hang out with whoever is there and leave when you are ready. It is possible to control your life, even when others are unwilling to honor basic protocols of engagement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Through the grapevine, I heard that an acquaintance's boyfriend has been unfaithful to her. This is not hearsay, considering I have received a video of him with the other woman. I am closer with him than I am with the girlfriend, and I do not approve of his scumbag actions. I talked this over with my boyfriend, and he thinks I should contact the boyfriend to let him know I have the video, while I think I should go straight to the girlfriend. I would want to be told if my partner were unfaithful, and there is damning evidence that he messed up. Should I go to the girlfriend or the boyfriend? -- Liar, Liar, Las Vegas

DEAR LIAR, LIAR: Rarely does it work out well for the messenger in situations like this, even when you have obvious evidence. I concur with your boyfriend, especially since you know the perpetrator better. Get in contact with him -- face-to-face if possible. Tell the guy that you have seen a video of him with another woman, and you are very upset. Admit that while his intimate life is none of your concern, you are friends with him and know his girlfriend, so you are in an awkward position. Point out to him that since a video is making the rounds, he had better handle his business. It is only a matter of time before she finds out. Stay out of it after that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe my friend, "Anna," is making up a dairy allergy. When we are at restaurants, she makes a scene about how nothing can be cooked in butter or coated with cheese. However, if we go out for ice cream or desserts, she has no problem eating soft serve and chocolate crepes! I would never call her out in a public situation, but I think she is just embarrassing herself by claiming to have a dairy allergy and not actually knowing what that entails. Should I let her in on what ice cream is actually made of or let this embarrassment play itself out? -- Attention Hog, Boston

DEAR ATTENTION HOG: By all means, pull your friend aside in private, and ask her if you can give her some feedback. It's good to get permission before you go in on folks so that they know some kind of criticism is on the way. Tell her that you have noticed how she dramatically points out the dairy products she cannot eat at restaurants, while she also eats other dairy items. Suggest that she figure out more specifically what her allergies are so that she can honor her body at all times. You can also recommend that she make a little card that lists her food allergies to give to the waiter when she goes to a restaurant so that the message gets across without the need to include members of your dining party in on her eating limitations.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am preparing for my first move out of the house. I am moving five hours away, into my own home, but I feel unsupported by my family. It is clear I need help -- I don't have my own mode of transportation yet, or any furniture -- yet no one is stepping up to help me. I barely have time to borrow my mother's car to get kitchen supplies before she needs it to go out to yoga or dinners. I feel so overwhelmed and unprepared. How can I make this move easier on myself? -- Unfurnished and Unprepared, Atlanta

DEAR UNFURNISHED AND UNPREPARED: It could be that your family is giving you a taste of what living on your own will be like. Rather than being angry, take on this challenge from that perspective. After all, whether they help you or not, you are moving, so you have to figure it out. How can you get to your various destinations without help? What is the public transportation like? Do you have friends who may be willing to pitch in and help? What is your plan for furnishing your new place? You must figure out the steps to fulfilling your life. Now is your time to demonstrate to yourself that you can be independent and pave your way for the future.

As it relates to your family's lack of support, they may also not want you to leave. Separation at any age can be difficult. Instead of being angry or hurt, let them know how much you love them and that this move is important to you, but you intend to stay close to them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)