DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a big argument with a woman I hired to help me work on a project; she has been flaky pretty much the whole time. I tried to be calm with her, but her lack of professionalism and overall sloppiness sent me over the edge. We tried to get back on course, but she continues to be late and act lackadaisical about her duties. I have written up a strong reprimand that concludes with firing her. I showed it to a colleague, and he suggested that I sit on it and then try to find less intense language. This is hard for me. I want it to be clear to her that the way that she has worked -- or not -- with me has put me in a horrible position. I don’t want to be nice. What do you think? -- Over the Edge, Boston

DEAR OVER THE EDGE: It’s good that you conferred with your co-worker before sending the message. When you are upset, is it wise to sit on a communication for at least a day to allow you to simmer down and look at the big picture. An incendiary firing will only create an incendiary ending that could have lasting negative reverberations. It is far better to speak and write in measured words as you fire someone. Tell her that the relationship is not working. If you must, list breaches of protocol specific to the project. Do your best not to crush her emotionally. In Michelle Obama’s words, “When they go low, we go high.”

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom died a few years ago after a prolonged illness. My dad has found a new woman to share his life, and they are now engaged. The problem is my sisters. We are all adults with families of our own. They don’t like his fiancee at all. They are rude to her and behave like spoiled children. She is different from our mother, but our family has always been open-minded and taken pride in our conviction that “normal” is just a setting on the dryer.

She isn’t after Dad’s money, nor is she forcing her way into our lives. She’s also not trying to replace Mom. It appears she genuinely cares for our dad, which I can understand: He’s a good man -- smart, attractive and fun to be with. Dad is happy as a clam. He’s enjoying himself and has lots more life to live. The thing is my sisters’ attitudes are putting a damper on my dad’s happiness. What can I do to help them? I don’t want to be too harsh because I know they are still grieving, but I hate to see them drive a wedge into what remains of our family. -- Happiness for My Dad, Portland, Oregon

DEAR HAPPINESS FOR MY DAD: Call a family meeting, and address your sisters directly. Remind them that your mother is gone. As much as you miss her, you cannot bring her back. Point out that your father deserves to have joy in his life, and he has found it. You do not have to love this woman, but you do have to respect your father’s decision and be gracious. Ask them to imagine how they would feel if their husbands passed and their children were rude or dismissive about whatever happiness they may have discovered after the loss.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating an awesome man for about three years. Everything was great while we lived separately for the first two years. We decided to move in together about three months ago, and two weeks after that, his son's mother fell into a coma due to drinking. My boyfriend’s 8-year-old son is now with us full-time and will probably be with us for a long time.

I am now acting as a mom and wife, but without the actual titles. My boyfriend has said he's "just not there yet" when it comes to marriage and that at this point he would be marrying me only to make me happy. I feel stuck now that I am living with him and his child even though he doesn't see us getting married. Meanwhile, I’m a successful professional in my 30s. How can he not want to marry me? What should I do? -- Playing House, Syracuse, New York

DEAR PLAYING HOUSE: This is an unusual circumstance that has shaken your boyfriend, and indeed, all of you, to the core. Still, you two need to take the time to assess what you want in your lives. If you want to be married, you need to lay it out for him clearly so that there is no question about your intentions. If you didn’t do that already, you have some course correction to handle. If you want to be committed to him and are willing to care for his child long-term, tell him. If you are not willing to play mom indefinitely without being his wife, say that. He deserves to know where you stand.

If you believe he will not make any changes, help him to figure out ways to care for his son before you leave. You may have to walk away if your boyfriend can’t take full responsibility for the changes that this tragedy has created.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What's an appropriate way to respond to my pregnant girlfriend who told me the name she's selected for our baby? She asked what I think, and the truth is that I think she's punishing our child for life with such a silly moniker. But she's obviously put a lot of thought into it, and I don't think anything positive will come from me sharing my thoughts. Is it OK to lie so she’s happy, saying, "Nice, how original!"? And on a similar subject, what's a good way to shut down the conversation when friends start gossiping about her choice? -- What's in a Name?, San Francisco

DEAR WHAT’S IN A NAME?: You have every right to participate in naming your child. I believe that names help to pave the way for people. In some traditions, the elders “divine” the name of a child with the intention of guiding the child’s steps. Others incorporate family names to ensure that children know whence they come. Tell your girlfriend your thoughts about her name choice. Suggest you discuss it together, and consider a range of names before agreeing on one. Get things straight with her before you have to deal with friends.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I just returned from visiting friends we had not seen in a few years. As usual with each visit, we were given a tour of their home to see the redecorating, remodeling and, of course, the new furniture. We sat and listened all about their jobs, the clubs to which they belong and the committees on which they serve. Not to mention we also heard about all their trips and viewed dozens of photos of their children and grandchildren and heard all about the kids' homes, their families, their honors, their accomplishments -- as if we haven’t seen all of this on social media. However, we were not asked a single question about our jobs, our children or our grandchildren, and when we began to talk about them, the topic was quickly redirected to something about them. What would be the best way to move forward with this friendship? -- Friend or Foe, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR FRIEND OR FOE: You have to decide if you care to continue to visit with these people. Since you call their behavior “usual” for how you interact with them, you cannot be surprised that they are self-centered and impatient when you attempt to share details about your own lives. If this is not satisfactory to you, stop agreeing to go to visit them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 37 and have three children under the age of 12. Two years ago, my husband and I separated. He moved back home with his parents. I just found out he has a girlfriend, but he has not made any effort to file for divorce. Here's my question: How long should I go on trying to salvage my marriage? I honestly feel like I’m the only one working to save it. Should I just get on with my life without him, or keep praying he will have a change of heart and do the right thing? -- Two Years Too Long, Boston

DEAR TWO YEARS TOO LONG: Your husband is demonstrating by his behavior that he has moved on. He has moved out, is living with his parents and has a girlfriend. That doesn’t sound like someone who is trying to figure out how to get back together with you. Your next steps need to have your children and yourself in mind. Contact an attorney and find out what you need to do to protect yourself and your children and to ensure that your husband provides the appropriate financial support for them. Be proactive and file divorce papers yourself. He has moved on, and so should you.

If there’s a chance for the family to reconcile, your serious action toward closure will wake him up and force him to see the truth. It may also help to accelerate the inevitable. Time will tell.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)