DEAR HARRIETTE: There has been a lot of growing tension amongst my family members. My family is normally easygoing and eccentric; however, lately things have been a bit toned down. One such incident that sparked this awkward tension is when my uncle openly stated his conservative political views. He made some pretty extreme comments to my aunts, who are all liberal. They had a huge fight, which led to screaming at the top of their lungs. Thankfully, the argument subsided after a while, but afterward, they have been talking less frequently. What can they do so that they can carry on the bond they once had and settle their differences? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: When family members disagree about politics, it can certainly cause a rift if and when they choose to talk about it. Since your uncle’s beliefs have been revealed to the family, you cannot take that knowledge away. What you can do is speak to everyone and suggest that you call a truce. In our country, one amazing reality is that we have the right to have individual opinions and to voice them, no matter where we are or what family we belong to. The freedom of speech is a precious right that all Americans are granted.

That said, you need to decide how you want to exercise that right. You can choose to engage in arguments whenever you are with people of differing opinions to try to get them to convert to your way of thinking. Or you can agree to disagree and decide to table political discussions when family gathers. This latter idea can help to keep the peace. It doesn’t mean that you are acquiescing. It means that you can all agree to avoid political discussions to keep things civil.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at a cocktail party recently, and a woman I was talking to sneezed. She needed to blow her nose, so I immediately handed her a handkerchief that I had in my pocket. She was very grateful, as this helped her in an otherwise awkward moment. My question is, what should happen to the handkerchief now? Is that just the cost of having good manners -- sometimes you have to give up a perfectly good new handkerchief and not get it back? -- Rules of Engagement

DEAR RULES OF ENGAGEMENT: It was gracious of you to share your handkerchief with that woman. And yes, your assumption should be that you will not get the handkerchief back. It would have been unhygienic for her to hand it back to you after blowing her nose. Since you didn’t know her, there would be no way for her to find you to return it.

On the flip side, if you ever do lend your handkerchief to someone you know, there’s a chance the person may return it to you when cleaned, but I wouldn’t count on it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Even though I am a college student, I still live with my mother; it’s much cheaper than living in a dorm. I may be an adult, but every time I go out, I have to tell my mom where I am going. If I am out planning on being out late, I have to tell her how long I will be. Whenever it is dark out, my mom picks me up by my bus stop.

Recently, I have been telling my mom that I want to move out, mostly since I feel bad that she feels she has to take care of me. Plus, I have to contact my mother about my every move, and it feels like I have no privacy or freedom.

I love my mom, but I feel like she is a bit overbearing. I want her to trust me to be independent, but I don’t want her to think I am mad at her. How do I tell my mom that I am responsible for myself and that she shouldn’t baby me? -- Mom’s Little Girl

DEAR MOM’S LITTLE GIRL: The cost of living at home with your mom is following her rules. It is in her DNA to worry about her daughter. I remember when I used to come home to visit my family as a young adult. Even then, my mother would stay up until I got home from wherever I was. At first I was frustrated and angry at her for trying to control me, then I took some time to think about it. While under her care, I became her little girl again. She could not rest without knowing my whereabouts. That’s the deal with motherhood.

So, you need to accept that while you live with your mother, you have to keep her updated. You can remind her that you are becoming a woman and need to be independent. You can ask to establish guidelines for coming and going that may put her at ease. But ultimately, this will not change much until you have your own place.

DEAR HARRIETTE: THE IRS has been breathing down our necks for some time now because my husband has neglected doing his taxes for years. I have begged him to get on it. I reminded him of that saying that the only constants in life are death and taxes. He scoffs at all of it.

Now the IRS is threatening to garnish his wages if he does not comply. I haven’t worked for years, so all of the financial responsibility in our family is on him. I have offered to help him get his papers together, but he refuses. I am afraid that if he doesn’t do the paperwork, we will lose everything. If his wages are garnished, we won’t be able to pay our rent or anything. How can I get him to take this seriously? -- Do Your Taxes

DEAR DO YOUR TAXES: Sit down with your husband, and lay out your worries. Tell him that you will do anything you can to help him to get your taxes in order. Remind him of the threat that you have received. In case he doesn’t know, tell him that not only can the IRS garnish his wages, they also can put him in jail. Nag him every day. Look through his papers yourself, and try to sort things out. Since it is not just his taxes but yours as well, you have every right to intervene.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my friend was in elementary school, there was this boy in my class who would constantly harass her. His bullying was so severe she was almost always crying and would ditch weeks of school just to avoid him.

This was over 10 years ago. Now she is an adult and has completely moved on. She is doing much better. She has a good-paying job and a large group of friends. However, recently, her bully messaged her asking if she wanted to meet up with him and “catch up.” She called me in hysterics, and it left me at a loss for words. I told her not to respond if it made her uncomfortable. Now she has been getting constant messages from him, and she is unsure of his intentions. Any tips? -- What To Do

DEAR WHAT TO DO: Your friend should face this guy from a position of strength. There is a good chance that he is reaching out to make amends, meaning to apologize for his behavior in the past and to attempt to make things right between them. This is not to say that she should make space to welcome him into her life. She can be crystal-clear with him about how she feels -- including that she does not want him to contact her anymore.

If she agrees to meet up with him, it should be in a public space during daylight hours. If she feels more comfortable with someone accompanying her, that’s fine, too. She should be in control of the meeting. She can give him a moment to explain why he has resurfaced and ask him directly what he wants. She should let him know that she has no interest in speaking with him anymore. He was rude, disrespectful and mean to her when they were in elementary school, and she has no interest in establishing any type of relationship with him now. If he asks for forgiveness, I recommend that she agrees to that. It will help to soothe her conscience. To forgive is not to forget, but it can clear the air.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband goes on and on about aliens, saying that they are living among us. Now there is a cable channel devoted to them, and he is even more passionate in his arguments -- though, honestly, they seem nuts. When we are hanging with friends and he starts in about aliens, I cringe; I can see that most of my friends don’t want to hear it. How can I get him to tone down this talk? It’s embarrassing in public and overbearing in private. -- No More Aliens

DEAR NO MORE ALIENS: When it’s just the two of you, you can excuse yourself from the conversation. If he wants to know why, tell him that you are not interested in the subject and that it bothers you how obsessed he is. You may want to add the recommendation that he curb his enthusiasm about aliens when you’re hanging out with friends. Suggest that he notice how people react when he goes on and on. As with any other obsessive conversation, people typically don’t want to be held hostage listening to it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)