DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is the mother of 14 children. Her family is blended, with some of her children coming from foster care and others being her biological kids. I have growing concerns about her parenting approach. It seems to me that she is spoiling them excessively and enabling them in ways that might be detrimental to their growth and independence. For instance, my sister does everything for her children, regardless of their age. She cleans up all of their messes, packs their lunches every single day and showers them with extravagant gifts, often spending thousands of dollars for birthdays.
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While I understand that two of the younger children do require more assistance, the majority of them are old enough to handle these responsibilities on their own. I’m worried that this pattern of behavior is setting them up for challenges in the future, as they might struggle with independence and self-sufficiency. How can I approach my sister about these concerns without seeming judgmental or unsupportive? I want to help her see that encouraging her children to be more independent will benefit them in the long run. -- Touchy Subject
DEAR TOUCHY SUBJECT: Start by commending your sister for having the capacity to parent so many children. That is remarkable. Suggest that she give the children duties to help her with the functioning of the household and to take some of the burden off of her as she also teaches them how to run a home. The greatest gift a parent can give a child is independence. Encourage her to do that more actively by giving them more responsibility.