DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a recently divorced mom with three adult children. My husband was physically and emotionally abusive throughout our marriage. He originally left me and my young children when they were just toddlers, but we eventually reconciled. When the kids were in college, he sent me divorce papers, but he eventually reneged after I begged him to reconsider. Several years later, after two of our children got married, he again filed for divorce, moved out and purchased a new home without me. The divorce was acrimonious and, to this date, despite the judgment against him, he has failed to pay alimony and still owes assets from the original settlement. Because of this, I haven't been able to properly settle down. Meanwhile, he appears to be living happily ever after and has even remarried.
My two sons don't want anything to do with him, but my daughter continues to communicate with him. She has even hosted him at her house. I can't believe she would want anything to do with him after all of the terrible things he has done. She has mentioned that he will be visiting and bringing along his new wife. I have tried to explain to her how hurtful it is that she is letting this new woman into her life, but she doesn't seem to understand. How can I convince her to change her mind, or at minimum persuade her to tell her dad that his new wife is not welcome? -- Devastated Mom
DEAR DEVASTATED MOM: Your relationship with your ex is separate from his with his children. Stop trying to control how they engage with him. You should get therapy to help you heal. Your children are going to forge their own path with their father. Don’t try to guilt them into siding with you. Do your best to live your life and get stronger for yourself and your family.