DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a housewife and mother of nine children, ranging from toddlers to teenagers. Yesterday, my husband told me he wants a divorce. He says he no longer loves me and believes we should part ways. I have to face the reality of supporting our large family on my own. He proposes splitting custody of the children, but I have no clue how I am going to manage financially when the children are with me. I understand that child support will help, but it won’t cover the high cost of raising nine children, especially considering their varying needs, such as education, clothing, food and extracurricular activities.
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I haven’t worked in 17 years, having dedicated my life to raising our children and managing our household. The thought of reentering the workforce after such a long break is daunting, particularly in today’s competitive job market. My skills are outdated, and my resume has a huge gap, which I fear will be a major obstacle in finding employment. I want to provide stability and reassurance, but my own anxiety and uncertainty about the future make it difficult to maintain a positive outlook. How can I begin to address these challenges? -- Jilted Housewife
DEAR JILTED HOUSEWIFE: I’m sorry that this has happened to you. To start, find an attorney who can walk you through the legalities of your situation. That you have not worked for 17 years so you could care for your family will be fuel to help you regain financial control of your life, as it will most likely entitle you to alimony in addition to child support. You need to know your rights and carve a way forward. At the same time, begin to create a resume that lists both your academic and professional achievements. Work to redefine your at-home skills in professional terms. You have done far more than you realize. Now is the time to quantify that.
Work with your attorney to reach a settlement. Allow your attorney to be aggressive for your children and for you. It will be hard to care for your large family alone, especially since you have not worked for a long time. This is why you must give your attorney the leeway to push hard for the financial support that you will need.