DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My daughter has been conscious of her appearance forever. She started comparing her looks and her clothes and her hair to other girls when she was still in elementary school. High school wasn’t easy for her, especially since most of her friends were, like her, enthralled by the glamorous queen bees.
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She was never overweight, but neither has she ever been what I would call skinny. Then a couple years ago she had a health issue that was treated by meds well-known for making people gain weight. She had to be on them for over a year, and once she was able to taper off them, she shed some of the extra pounds, but not all of them.
I hadn’t seen her for three months while she was doing an internship in a clinic in Guatemala. When I picked her up at the airport, I almost didn’t recognize my own daughter. She had lost all the pre-pills weight and at least 25 lbs. more. I thought she looked anorexic and told her so.
She told me she was fine and that she changed her diet and was more physically active than ever before in her life.
When I asked her again a couple weeks later if she was sure she was OK, she blew up at me and said she wouldn’t speak to me again if I mentioned her weight one more time.
I am not the only person who’s noticed how she’s looking. Her father texted me about it when he had dinner with her and two lifelong friends also reached out to me to see if she’s alright.
I don’t want my daughter to make good on her threat to never speak to me again, so how do I ignore my fears that something’s wrong with my own child? --- SHE’S TOO SKINNY
DEAR SHE’S TOO SKINNY: It’s not easy for a concerned parent to ignore their worries, especially when your instincts are telling you something’s off.
Since you’re not the only one who believes your daughter’s looking ill, it may be time to enlist at least one of the other people who share your worries to see if they’d be willing to raise the subject with her.
Best case, she’s perfectly fine and there’s nothing more to discuss with her. But it’s not impossible she picked something up while abroad that’ll need medical attention.
For now, though, it might be wise to keep the peace with your silence on the subject when you’re with her and wait to see how she does as she readjusts to life back home.