DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm reaching out for your advice regarding my elderly neighbor, “Mrs. Thompson.” Over the years, we've developed a good connection, and I've gladly assisted her with tasks like fetching her mail and running occasional errands. However, Mrs. Thompson has been increasingly dependent on me for these tasks. While I genuinely want to help her, the growing frequency and extent of her requests are starting to overwhelm me. I'm struggling to find a balance where I can continue being a supportive neighbor without feeling burdened. How can I gently set boundaries with Mrs. Thompson while ensuring that she still feels supported and cared for? -- Elderly Neighbor
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DEAR ELDERLY NEIGHBOR: Now is the time for you to do some research on behalf of Mrs. Thompson. Do you know her family? Can you find out what blood relatives she has? If and when you do, get in touch with them and let them know that Mrs. Thompson is in need of a new level of support. While it is kind and thoughtful of you to continue to help her as best you can, now may be the time for those responsible for her to step up.
If she does not have family, talk to her about her plans for the future. Has she thought about whether she might one day move to assisted living or hire someone to help her around the house? Be gentle yet firm with your questions. If you are unable to do the things she needs at the level she currently needs them, you must let her know. Do your best to help her find alternative care.