DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently told me that she thinks we shouldn’t be friends anymore because I am so closed off. This has hurt me because I value our friendship, but I also understand where she is coming from. I am naturally introverted, and I tend to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. It’s not that I don’t care about her or our friendship; it’s just that expressing myself openly is challenging for me. I often find social interactions draining, and I need a lot of alone time to recharge. This can make me appear distant or uninterested, but that’s not the case at all. I care deeply about my friend and our relationship, and it hurts me to think that my introverted nature is driving a wedge between us. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I also don’t know how to change this aspect of who I am.
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I have tried to be more open and communicative in my friendships, but it feels unnatural and exhausting. I’m worried that if I push myself too hard to be someone I’m not, I’ll end up feeling even more isolated and stressed. On the other hand, I don’t want my friend to feel neglected or undervalued. How can I find a balance between honoring my introverted nature and being a good friend? -- Reconnecting
DEAR RECONNECTING: You are a good writer. Why not write your friend a heartfelt note telling her what you have said here -- how much you value her and her friendship and revealing your introverted nature. Ask her not to leave the friendship, but to have patience with you. Pledge to do your best to say more about what you are thinking and feeling. Then make a big effort to communicate with her.