DEAR HARRIETTE: I started gardening as a way to unwind and connect with nature, and I’ve been loving it. However, it seems my enthusiasm might be causing some issues with my neighbors. They’ve mentioned that the noise from my gardening tools and the mess from soil and plant debris are becoming a problem for them. I truly find peace in this hobby and don’t want to give it up, but I also don’t want to create discomfort in my community. I’m trying to balance my enjoyment with being a good neighbor. What are some ways I can continue my gardening activities while addressing their concerns? Should I adjust the times I garden? I want to keep the peace while still enjoying my new passion. -- Gardening Neighbor Trouble

DEAR GARDENING NEIGHBOR TROUBLE: You are wise to consider how to enjoy your hobby and keep peace with your neighbors. Yes, you should adjust your gardening times, preferably to hours when most people are awake so that the noise doesn’t impact their sleep. If your neighbors enjoy eating outside, do your best not to garden at mealtimes, at least not if you have to use loud tools.

You also say they complain about the mess. Commit to being a tidy gardener. Clean up after yourself. Make sure your lawn always looks presentable. Don’t leave debris on the sidewalk or anywhere within view. By making an effort to address their concerns and reassuring them that you are doing so, you may be able to calm their concerns.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been invited to join a reality TV show that focuses on finding a significant other. I jokingly submitted an application last summer, and now it’s become a reality! It’s an incredible opportunity for personal growth and exposure, but I’m feeling anxious about how it will affect my private life and relationships. As someone who’s quite shy, I’m worried about handling the attention and scrutiny from family, friends and colleagues, especially when it comes to returning to work afterward. How do you think I should proceed? Thanks so much for any advice you can offer. -- Reality TV Decision

DEAR REALITY TV DECISION: You already know from having watched this type of TV show that the producers push contestants to the limits and often stage things to make people appear to be in compromising positions. I’m not sure that you can control whether that will happen to you, so you have to decide what you are willing to do and whether it is worth compromising your privacy and possibly your integrity. As you have seen on these shows, some people bow out when the line is crossed for them -- whatever that may mean. If you can make it clear what you are willing -- and unwilling -- to do and think through the consequences of what may happen, you can make an informed decision about whether to participate. What others think about your involvement will vary. What’s most important is whether you can live with your decision. After that, it will simply be defending your choice to whoever may challenge you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 19, and I was invited to a close friend’s major milestone birthday party. Initially, I agreed to go, but I’ve since learned that the theme is “sexy Hollywood.” The mood board my friend created and feels strongly about features tight, skimpy skirts and bralettes, which I’m not comfortable wearing. I prefer more low-key events and feel overwhelmed by the extravagant nature of this theme. I don’t want to upset my friend or mess up our friendship, but I also need to stay true to myself. How can I back out of the invite while still showing that I appreciate being asked? -- Party Theme Dilemma

DEAR PARTY THEME DILEMMA: Yes, your friend created a mood board to express her vision for her big birthday party. That does not mean you have to take it literally. Have you ever been to a Halloween party where some people didn’t actually wear costumes but only added a little touch as a nod to the season? It happens all the time. Rather than bow out of your friend’s party, select something to wear that reflects your (less-revealing) vision of sexy Hollywood. Put that on and go to the event. You can make an appearance, show your friend that you support her and duck out if you feel uncomfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently hosted a housewarming party after moving from my small apartment to a new house, a transition I'd anticipated for months. I put a lot of effort into planning this event, sending out invites to about 30 people a month in advance, including close friends, colleagues and even a few neighbors I've started to get to know. I prepared food and drinks and even set up some fun activities to make the evening special. However, to my surprise and disappointment, only three people showed up. I couldn't help but feel disheartened.

I am a 27-year-old single woman, and it feels like a huge accomplishment to buy a house by myself, but the turnout at my party has left me questioning a lot of things. Did I do something wrong? Is there something about me that drives people away? Or was it just bad timing? How do I move forward from this without feeling like it was a personal failure? -- Party Fail

DEAR PARTY FAIL: I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I can only imagine how bewildering it must feel. I have a few practical questions. Did you follow up after sending out the invitation a month in advance? I ask that because people have such short attention spans these days, some of your guests may have forgotten about your party. Did you schedule it on a day that was particularly busy? Did you talk to your friends about your move, how excited you were and how honored you would be to share it with them? Did you possibly brag too much about your new purchase? Were the people you invited truly close to you, or were they really just acquaintances?

It’s worth contemplating these questions to get a sense of why so few people showed up. Don’t belabor it, though. It is time to turn the page and build your life. If any of the no-shows chooses to tell you why they didn’t come, listen, but don’t ask them. Live your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m starting to feel uneasy about my relationship with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for about a year now, and while I care for her, it seems like when we spend time together, it involves me spending money on her. Whether it’s buying her meals or gifts or covering other expenses, there’s always some sort of financial disbursement expected from me. In the beginning, I didn’t think much of it because I wanted to show her how much I cared. However, now it’s become a pattern, and I’m starting to wonder if she’s with me for the right reasons. It’s not that I mind treating her, but I’m beginning to feel like my value in this relationship is tied to what I can provide financially. Whenever I suggest doing something that doesn’t involve spending money, she seems less enthusiastic or finds a reason to decline. I’m conflicted because I do love her, but I can’t help but feel taken advantage of. How do I approach this situation without damaging our relationship? -- Feeling Used

DEAR FEELING USED: Don’t be shy. Speak directly to your girlfriend, and tell her how you are feeling. Remind her how much you care about her, and add that you do not want your relationship to feel transactional; you would like to do more things with her that do not revolve around spending money. It is possible to enjoy each other without spending a dime. See what she says. This will reveal a lot about who she is and what she values, and her reaction will let you know if she is someone you want to continue engaging as your partner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dedicating a lot of time to a long-term volunteer project at a local animal shelter that I initially felt passionate about, but lately, it's been feeling more like an obligation than a fulfilling endeavor. While I still deeply believe in the cause of helping animals in need, I find myself facing burnout. I'm struggling to find that spark and enthusiasm I once had for this project. Do you have any advice on how I can reignite my passion for this volunteer work and discover a way to contribute without feeling overwhelmed? I would greatly appreciate any insights. -- Volunteer Burnout

DEAR VOLUNTEER BURNOUT: Whether you are volunteering or being paid for your time, it is possible to get overwhelmed and feel burned out. That probably means it is time to take a pause. Talk to the officials at the shelter and let them know you need to step away for a while to rejuvenate yourself. Feel free to explain that you are feeling overwhelmed. As much as you care about the shelter, you have to take care of yourself for a bit.

Just make sure that you fill your time off with self-care. Start with a physical to ensure that your body is healthy. Then schedule pampering activities that tend to you. Invite loved ones to spend time with you. Join a book club. Do something that feeds your spirit. When you feel refreshed, you can revisit your voluntary commitments to see if they are still right for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)