DEAR HARRIETTE: Three years ago, I had a falling-out with a woman who, at the time, had been my best friend for eight years. Our friendship was one of those rare, deep connections that felt more like family than just friends. We went to the same college, were in each other's weddings and spent so much time together that we’d see each other at least once a week without fail, even after we both got married and our lives became busier. Out of nowhere, we had an argument over something so trivial that I can’t even remember what it was about. At the time, it felt significant enough to cause a major rift between us. We both said things in the heat of the moment, and before I knew it, we stopped talking altogether. What had once been a solid friendship became an empty void, and neither of us made any effort to reach out and fix it.

It’s been three long years since we last spoke, but this week, she sent me a text asking if I wanted to get coffee. Part of me misses her and wants to rekindle our friendship, but another part of me is hesitant. Should I take her up on her offer and try to repair the friendship, or is it better to leave the past where it is? -- Lost Friend

DEAR LOST FRIEND: You clearly miss your friend. If you can’t even remember what happened to create the chasm, why not reconnect? Things often seem important in the moment but wane over time. Go to see her. Listen to what she has to say. Rather than trying to figure out why you stopped being friends, look to see if there is real hope for rekindling your relationship. If so, take it slow, and see how things unfold.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter was recently accepted into both the University of Minnesota and Ohio State University! However, she’s now facing a difficult decision, and I’m feeling conflicted about how best to guide her. We’re from Minnesota, so if she chooses to attend school here, she will qualify for in-state tuition, which makes it a much more affordable option for us as a family. We’ve saved some money in a college fund, and with the in-state tuition rate, that savings would cover a significant portion of her education, leaving her with little debt upon graduation. However, my daughter is leaning toward attending Ohio State, which, unfortunately, comes with a much higher price tag. Even though we can apply our college savings toward the cost, she would still need to take out a significant amount in student loans to cover the remaining expenses.

I’m torn between encouraging her to pursue her dream school, even if it means taking on substantial debt, and advising her to choose the more affordable, practical option. What should I say to her? -- Make a Choice

DEAR MAKE A CHOICE: First, don't forget to apply for every scholarship you can find! Then do the math with your daughter. Figure out how much she will have to pay back with loans if she goes to OSU and what she would have to pay locally. Talk about grad school and any other higher education she may need. Let her decide if she is willing to carry debt to go to her dream school. This may be her first adult decision. Let her make it. She will ultimately have to live with the consequences.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I live in Wisconsin and are fortunate to own a second lakeside property. Over the years, we’ve extended invitations to various loved ones, offering them the chance to stay and enjoy the lake. Recently, my husband’s close friends asked if they could spend a weekend at the cabin with their family, and we said yes. They seemed to have a wonderful time, and everything seemed fine when they left. However, when we went up to the cabin a week later, we discovered that the dock was badly damaged: Boards were broken, some sections were loose and the entire structure was in disrepair. We were shocked, as the dock had been perfectly fine before their stay. When we called them to ask what had happened, they casually mentioned that their teenager had had a mishap with the dock, but the damage was minor so they didn’t think it was necessary to tell us. They didn’t provide much explanation, and we were left feeling both disappointed and uncertain about how to proceed. How do we approach this situation without causing tension or awkwardness while still addressing the damage to the dock? -- Violated

DEAR VIOLATED: First, get an estimate of the cost for the damages to the dock. Next, contact your friends and tell them that you are disappointed that they did not immediately tell you about the damage, but it was measurable. Let them know the cost to make the repairs, and ask them to send you the money. Be direct.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just got engaged to a man I disapprove of. I have watched her fall into a relationship with someone I believe is not good for her at all. Over the past two years, this man has shown increasingly controlling behavior toward her. He often belittles her in front of others, and he manipulates her emotions. She has changed so much since she began dating him, both physically and emotionally. She’s lost a significant amount of weight, about 15 pounds, and her vibrant personality has dimmed. She no longer laughs as she used to, and she seems to be walking on eggshells around him. Even worse, she’s grown distant from her family. We used to talk every day, but now our conversations are rare and strained. We’ve tried to gently urge her to reconsider the relationship, but she refuses to listen. She seems completely under his spell, unwilling to see the negative impact he’s having on her. My husband and I feel helpless and scared for her future, but every time we bring it up, it pushes her further away. Now that they’re engaged, it feels like we’ve run out of time and options. How can we help her see the truth without alienating her completely? -- Lost Daughter

DEAR LOST DAUGHTER: It may be impossible for your daughter to see what you see. One option could be to recommend premarital counseling. Perhaps you could even help your daughter find a therapist or clergyperson to meet with.

Another option could be to stage an intervention with loved ones and your daughter where multiple people share their concerns. Know, however, that it could take your daughter crashing before she is able to see the truth.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I am claiming this space to celebrate my mother -- and, in turn, all mothers in our lives.

Today, my mother turns 95 years old. When I spoke to her a few days before her birthday, she said, “Well, this is not as far as my mother.” Her mother, Carrie Elizabeth Alsup Freeland, a woman who stood a strong 4’9” tall, lived powerfully until she was 101 years old, and she rarely had a sick day in her life. My mother, Doris Irene Freeland Cole, has struggled a bit in recent years -- this year in particular -- yet still she reigns.

I often talk about my mother during speaking engagements, on broadcasts, in one-on-one coaching sessions and in this column. Why? Because she has taught and continues to teach me how to be the best person I can be in any situation. She teaches on a need-to-know basis. What does that mean? She shares what someone needs to know based on what the moment requires. She doesn’t share gratuitously. She doesn’t brag. She doesn’t meander. She incisively and lovingly teaches in a way that is specific to the moment. She is uplifting -- always.

Recently, my mother had a health emergency and was hospitalized. I had the privilege of being in the room with her for much of the week she was there. I watched her agonize in pain but always thank each individual -- the doctor, nurse, physician’s assistant, tech, food deliverer, room cleaner and transport person -- for coming into the room to care for her. My older sister Susan called it “teaching us how to be gracious in our elder years.” Indeed.

At every turn, Doris Cole has led with light. She told me once, when I was feeling low thanks to so-called friends treating me poorly, “Notice the bright lights in the room.” She explained that we always have a choice as to where we focus our attention. Why stay miserable and stuck by focusing on people who are cruel or dismissive? Pay attention to those who greet you with a smile, who offer love and support, who believe in you.

Upon being hospitalized, my mom worried that she hadn’t taught us enough about living in faith. I assured her that she had done a great job. She anchored us in her understanding of God, of how to treat people in all manner of circumstances and of how to balance effort with God’s grace. As she worried, I reminded her of my sister Stephanie, our anchor. She lives near my mother and has always been her rock -- our family’s rock -- even as she has built an incredible career while rearing three beautiful children. Stephanie always has a hand outstretched to serve those in need. She ensures that others thrive when they may have felt despair.

I could go on and on. My point is that I am blessed to have a mother who nurtures her family, as well as all who cross her path, with the tools and the vision to be loving, strong, kind and beautiful. On that note, Doris must have on her red lipstick and earrings to be ready for her day!

As I honor my mother on her 95th turn around the sun, I invite you to think of the matriarchs who have loved and supported you and who inspire you to be your best self. Invoke them now! Feel free to share stories about them with me. I will, in turn, share a few with all of you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)