DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close friend who has suffered a traumatic experience -- she was molested by her uncle. Understandably, she is frightened to talk about it and feels hesitant to press charges against him. This fear and trauma have left her feeling isolated and unsure of how to seek help. I want to support her and help her find the courage to speak out and take action against her abuser. I also want to provide her with a safe space to share her feelings. What can I do to encourage her to confront this issue and seek the help she needs to heal and reclaim her life? -- Silent Trauma

DEAR SILENT TRAUMA: Don’t try to force your friend to go to the police. Hopefully she will do that in time. Instead, encourage her to write down her experience in detail so that she has a record of it and can unload it from her spirit. Since the abuser was her uncle, she probably needs to tell an adult in the family who can help protect her against this man. Ask her who she feels closest to who may be able to help her discreetly. Who will understand and will want to protect her? That’s something important for her to think about, as it is not always someone obvious. Some family members choose to bury their heads in the sand and blame the victim rather than the offender. She should consider carefully who her confidant will be and then talk to that person about the situation and ask for help.

Keeping this experience to herself is unhealthy. She needs to process her feelings and find a way to feel safe. Perhaps after she confides in someone (and with your support), she will find the courage to report this crime to local authorities.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 16-year-old sister who is currently facing the challenges of being a high school student. With the pressure to excel academically and socially, she often feels overwhelmed and stressed, striving to meet the high expectations set by herself and others. I’ve noticed that this stress sometimes manifests as anxiety and mood swings, which can be difficult for her to manage. What can we possibly do to help her so that she doesn't feel stressed out in school and in life? -- Academic Anxieties

DEAR ACADEMIC ANXIETIES: If there is a school counselor with whom she can talk, that would be great. Being able to express her fears and concerns to a neutral party can help her understand her feelings and manage them. Your parents may also want to get her a private therapist who can support her during this time. What’s key is having a professional she can trust to help her navigate what she’s experiencing.

Another great stress reducer is physical activity. What does she do to exercise her body? As her sister, perhaps you can invite her to do something active together, or encourage her to join a club at her school like a walking or running group, cheering or anything that gets her body moving.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 30-year-old Ph.D. student studying psychology, and I feel like my many years of education have gotten in the way of my romantic relationships. I’ve spent so much time focused on my studies and career that dating has often taken a back seat. The rare times I do meet someone, I struggle to balance the demands of my program with the emotional energy and time it takes to nurture a new relationship. By the time I’ve wrapped up my work, I often feel too drained to invest in dating, and I worry that my dedication to my career might be unintentionally pushing people away. It doesn’t help that most of my friends are already in stable relationships or even starting families, which only adds to the pressure I’m putting on myself.

I want to find a partner and start building a life together, but I don’t want to compromise my ambitions or leave my studies unfinished. Am I missing something that would help me balance both? How can I approach dating in a way that respects both my goals and my desire for a meaningful connection? -- Finding a Balance

DEAR FINDING A BALANCE: In the way that you schedule time for your career building, begin to allot time for your personal life. Write it into your calendar. When do you exercise, and where do you do it? Put yourself into a class at a gym or another social setting. What do you enjoy socially? Schedule it so you create an opportunity to meet someone regularly. Carve out time each day for yourself --anything from taking a walk to cooking a meal. Envision doing those things with a partner. You can do it, even though it will be a juggle.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I married my husband three months ago, and already I can’t stand my new father-in-law. He means well, but he’s also opinionated and doesn’t seem to respect boundaries. From the moment we returned from our honeymoon, he’s been around constantly, offering unsolicited advice on everything from how we should manage our finances to what our home should look like, and even how I should be “taking care” of my husband. Sometimes, he just shows up unannounced, as if he’s a part of our daily life.

I want to keep the peace, especially since my husband and his dad have always been close, but I feel like my patience is wearing thin. My husband doesn’t see it the same way I do and brushes it off, saying his dad is just trying to help. But this is starting to put a strain on me and, honestly, on our new marriage. I worry that if I bring it up, it might create tension, not only between my husband and his father, but between my husband and me as well. How do I approach this situation without creating a rift in the family or feeling like I’m coming between them? -- Pushy Father-In-Law

DEAR PUSHY FATHER-IN-LAW: You have to speak to your husband right away and decide on boundaries together. He needs to know how you feel so that he can help strike a balance between enjoying time with his father and fortifying his marriage. You also can ignore some of dad’s entreaties. Let him talk and don’t always respond. As long as you and your husband are on the same page, you can learn to deal with his dad.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is turning 90 this year, and we are absolutely thrilled. As we have been planning her birthday celebration, it has occurred to me that I want to be sensitive to my friends who have lost their parents in recent years. We all grew up together, so I want to invite them to attend her party, but I don’t want to remind them of their own losses. My family and I feel so blessed to have our mother still and want to make this the happiest time for her and everyone who joins us. How should I handle this? -- Love and Loss

DEAR LOVE AND LOSS: First of all, blessings to you and your mother for reaching this milestone. Conflicted feelings about this celebration are understandable, so it is wise to proceed with tenderness. That said, I’m sure that your friends would be more hurt if you did not include them in your invitation list. If they and their parents were integral to your mother’s life as you grew up, they will appreciate the gesture.

You may approach them by saying that as you have been preparing to honor your mother, you have been reminiscing about the wonderful memories of times spent together. Call upon a poignant memory that makes everyone smile. You can even invite them to come to the party prepared to share some of their stories, if they would like. This consciously includes them in the celebration.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been feeling really hurt and frustrated lately with one of my closest friends, and it’s causing a lot of tension between us. For a while now, I’ve noticed that she wants to hang out with me only when her other friend is busy. It’s like I’m her backup plan, and I can’t help but feel like a second-class friend. Whenever her other friend is around, she barely makes time for me, but as soon as that friend is unavailable, she’ll reach out as if nothing is wrong. I’ve tried to brush it off, but it’s starting to really bother me. I feel like I’m being used, and it’s making me question our friendship. I confronted her about it recently, and instead of understanding how hurt I am, she got defensive and said I was overreacting. Now we’re not speaking, and I’m not sure what to do. I miss our friendship, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m someone’s second choice. How do I handle this without feeling guilty for wanting to be treated better? -- Second-Class

DEAR SECOND-CLASS: Open your eyes and start looking for other friends. You are relying too much on this friend to be your one and only. She has shown you already that she chooses this other friend over you. You know this. So stop hoping she will treat you differently and consciously work to expand your friend group.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)