DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago, and it left me feeling heartbroken and confused. He said he wasn’t sure about our relationship anymore, and while he didn’t give a lot of specifics, it was clear he had doubts. I’ve spent the past few weeks trying to process everything, feeling sad and wondering what went wrong. Then, out of the blue, he reached out and asked if we could get back together. Now I’m feeling even more confused. I still have strong feelings for him, and part of me wants to say yes because I miss him. But I can’t ignore the fact that he was the one who ended things. If he had doubts about us a few weeks ago, how do I know he won’t have those same feelings again? I’m torn between wanting to give him and our relationship another chance and protecting myself from possibly being hurt again. I worry that jumping back in so soon might mean we’re ignoring the deeper issues that caused him to leave in the first place. Should I ask him to explain why he’s had this sudden change of heart? -- Take Him Back

DEAR TAKE HIM BACK: Under no circumstances should you take him back without fully understanding what happened. You should be suspicious and guarded. Investigate the situation. Interrogate him. Why did he leave you in the first place? Did something happen? Was there someone else? Did someone in his life try to turn him against you? Find out what it was. Don’t let him brush it off. He owes you this explanation even if the two of you don’t get back together.

Then ask him why you should trust him now. What is different? How can you be sure that he won’t hurt you again? As you listen to whatever he has to say, remain guarded. He was willing to crush your feelings and then attempt to yo-yo back to you. I find that suspicious. You are probably better off staying away and creating space to find someone who will be more respectful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like such a loser. I lost my job last year, and I haven’t been able to find anything since. I am professionally trained, but it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. I am wondering if I should try to get one of these hourly clerical jobs that I see online. I am a little nervous, though, because I’m not sure if I can trust them. How do you know if a job is legitimate? -- On the Hunt

DEAR ON THE HUNT: Do as much research as you can on the company in question before signing up. Look for employment reviews; glassdoor.com is a good resource. Check with the Better Business Bureau. Do not give any company money. Ask for your paycheck to be mailed to you at first, rather than giving your bank account information. Most important: If it feels wrong, don’t do it. Jobs that come with references often seem safer. Before you give up, ask around in your neighborhood and community to see what options you may have missed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy New Year! We are here at the beginning of a new page in the history of our lives. This can be an exciting time -- especially if you embrace it as a moment when possibilities stand before your eyes. Look through the lens of potential this year. What do you want for yourself and for your loved ones? Pause to reflect on all of the experiences you had that led you to this moment. I believe in writing all of those things down. What were last year’s highlights? The great things and the challenges? How did you weather the storms and handle the victories? Who are the people you want to engage with in 2025, and who can be connections of the past?

As you think about these things, give yourself grace. No matter what happened last year, the fact that you are blessed to be here now means you have the opportunity to write a new chapter of your story. What do you want to title this chapter? What big goals do you have that you want to manifest? I have learned that when you name things specifically, you create space to make them happen. It can be scary to claim your dreams, but I assure you that when you do and you proceed to work on them, amazing things happen. When you set your mind to something and commit to working on it a little bit each day, over time you get to witness your ideas bear fruit.

I will give you one example that will likely resonate for many of us. At the beginning of last year, I had a serious injury that required surgery. I was incapacitated for about six weeks followed by six months of physical therapy. I wasn’t particularly fit, and this set me back further. Along the way, I was working with a therapist and bemoaning my situation. She said to me that I had to change something. I chose to change my health. Making that simple mindset shift began a process that has been beneficial for me. In the midst of healing from surgery, I adopted a new attitude toward what I put in my body. I am happy to report that I have lost more than 20 pounds this past year, thanks to perseverance and commitment. For 2025, I have reupped my intention to continue on the path toward wellness.

I tell you this as my example of something I said I would do, and I did it. For context, I had been trying to lose weight for years, and nothing was budging. The mindset shift was essential to my success. This year, I have a few other goals on my list that are personal and business-related. I recommend that you do the same. Assess your life, and decide how you want to live it. Then take action. One day at a time. It can work. You are worth it!

By the way, when you slip up or lose focus, just recommit when you realize you are off course. Life is a journey. Make the choice to savor each day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: After passing the job final interview at one of the biggest companies in the United States, I’ve been struggling with imposter syndrome. Although I was chosen for this role because of my experience and skills, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not good enough. I worry about making mistakes or being “found out.” To address this, I’m trying to focus on small wins -- like completing tasks ahead of schedule or receiving positive feedback from my team. I’m also reminding myself that no one is perfect and everyone has a learning curve. That said, I’ve noticed that my boss occasionally gets irritated when certain aspects of my work fall short, especially as he’s relying on me to carry forward an important project. This has added to my self-doubt, but I’m determined to improve. Any advice would be a great help. -- Imposter Syndrome

DEAR IMPOSTER SYNDROME: Give yourself a timeline to learn new tasks and build a rapport with your boss. When things don’t go right, be the first to admit it, and ask for guidance to help you understand your mistakes. Everyone messes up on occasion. A sign that you are capable and learning is that you pay close attention and figure out how not to make the same mistake twice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently proposed to me, and to my surprise, I said no. It wasn’t because I don’t love him or because I don’t want to marry him; I absolutely see a future with him. When the moment happened, though, I froze and said no.

I had always dreamed of a special, thoughtful and romantic proposal -- something that reflected the love and connection we share. Instead, it felt rushed and unplanned, almost as if he hadn’t put much thought into it. He didn’t even have a ring. While I know that material things aren’t the most important part, it felt symbolic of the lack of effort. We were just sitting on the couch when he casually asked me, and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed in how unremarkable it was. I’m worried that I hurt his feelings or made him question our relationship. He hasn’t said much about it since, but I can tell he feels rejected. I want to marry him, but I also want to feel like that moment is as meaningful and special as our relationship. I don’t want him to think that my "no" means I don’t care about him or our future together. -- Will I Marry Him?

DEAR WILL I MARRY HIM?: There is no way your boyfriend will be able to figure out why you said no unless you tell him. Start by saying that you do want to build a life with him, but you were caught off guard by the casual way in which he asked you to marry him. Tell him how you have imagined a marriage proposal and how his overture seemed unplanned and nonchalant. Know, too, that people have different views of what a marriage proposal should look like; that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with what the marriage will be like over the years. You two need to get on the same page. Tell him how you feel, and explain what you appreciate in terms of special events. If you want romance, make sure he understands what that looks like.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)