DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been an aunt since I was 9 years old. I am 29 now, the youngest of five sisters and an aunt to 11 nieces and nephews. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the default babysitter. I live at home with my mom, which seems to be a prime location for all of my sisters when they need parental relief. Sometimes they show up unannounced or with short notice and simply tell me they need someone to watch their children for a few hours -- or sometimes overnight. I think because I do not currently have a partner or children, they assume I am always home or available. If I tell them otherwise, they ask if my social engagements are as important as my nieces or nephews. I don’t like that they always expect me to cancel plans at their behest, but I’m not allowed to expect them to plan ahead.

Lately, I’ve been saying no more often. Even when I am free, I’d prefer to be alone. I’ve noticed that sometimes they plan outings without me and say, “we thought you wanted to be alone.” I’ve tried explaining to them, for years now, that all my free time being dedicated to child care is overwhelming -- especially when I am not yet an actual mother -- but they tell me I’m insensitive and say I’ll understand how they feel when my time comes. I think this dynamic has pushed me to be defensive with my siblings and not as joyous with my nieces and nephews. I want all these relationships to be more amicable, and I want my sisters to understand my boundaries. How do I get them to see my side? -- Tired Auntie

DEAR TIRED AUNTIE: Speak to your siblings. Remind them how much you love them and their children, but point out that you have your own life. Explain that as much as you like to help them -- sometimes -- you do not appreciate their assumption that you are always on call to care for their children. Ask them to take a more respectful approach this year, where they inquire about your availability and schedule child care ahead of time rather than treating you like their on-call sitter.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an assistant who works remotely. I recently figured out that she takes personal breaks whenever I am at an appointment or otherwise not at my desk. When I called her on this, she admitted that she uses the time to care for her young child. I explained that we work on the honor system. I expect her to work during working hours. She may sometimes need to tend to her child, but it cannot mean hours during the day. I feel like she is taking me for granted. How do I get her to recommit to the schedule? -- Slacker

DEAR SLACKER: Tell her you feel that trust has been broken by her since she is not working when she should. Let her know that you need her to rebuild that trust by doing her work on time and being present during all working hours. That doesn’t mean she can’t occasionally care for her child, but it doesn’t work for her to be primary care provider and full-time employee. Give her a timeline to work out her schedule. If she cannot do so effectively, replace her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in my 20s, and lately, I’ve been struggling with a serious case of FOMO (fear of missing out). Most of my friends are in a position where they can afford to go out regularly, whether it’s dinners at trendy restaurants, nights out at bars or even weekend getaways. I am on a much tighter budget, and I can’t keep up financially. I see their group pictures on social media or hear them talking about the fun they had, and it’s a constant reminder that I’m missing out. They invite me to join, but I often have to make excuses or decline because I simply can’t afford it. I’ve tried suggesting cheaper alternatives, like movie nights at home or potlucks, but they seem more interested in going out and spending money.

I don’t want to isolate myself or seem like a boring, broke friend; at the same time, I’m trying to be responsible with my finances and prioritize my long-term goals, like paying off student loans and saving for the future. How can I deal with these feelings of FOMO? -- Managing Relationships

DEAR MANAGING RELATIONSHIPS: Congratulations on working to be responsible for your life, especially in the face of the great temptation to try to hang with your friends who have deeper pockets. It is not easy to keep your eyes on your goals, but you are doing it.

Look at your friend group, and identify who you feel closest to. Confide that you would like to spend more time with them, but you simply can’t afford it. Ask if that person would ever consider doing alternative fun activities that don’t require too much money. Open your eyes to see who else in your orbit would enjoy your company. It may be time to expand your friend group so that you push past FOMO and create your own experiences.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been married to my husband for a year, and I love him, but I’ve come to realize that he has a lot of unresolved issues from his childhood that still affect him today. He grew up in a tough environment, and while he’s worked hard to build a good life for himself, I can see how the pain and trauma from those early years linger in his behavior and mindset. He struggles to open up emotionally and often bottles up his feelings until they come out in bursts of frustration or anger. I believe therapy could help him work through his challenges, gain some peace of mind and improve his overall mood and outlook on life. The problem is, whenever I bring up the idea of therapy, he shuts it down immediately. He says he doesn’t need it, that he can handle his issues on his own and that therapy isn’t something “real men” do.

It breaks my heart to see him carrying such a heavy emotional burden, especially when I know how much better he could feel if he allowed himself to seek help. How can I encourage my husband to consider therapy without making him feel like I’m criticizing him or questioning his masculinity? -- Therapy Now

DEAR THERAPY NOW: Be patient. It may take time for your husband to consider therapy. Meanwhile, look for books that may provide insight into dealing with childhood trauma that may open his eyes. One title, “Healing Childhood Trauma,” by Robin Marvel, may help, and it is even available as an audiobook.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m struggling to cope with the toxic dynamics within my team at work. Instead of collaborating to solve problems or improve processes, it feels like everyone is constantly pointing fingers and blaming one another for mistakes. This blame game has created a tense and unproductive environment, and it’s starting to take a toll on my motivation and overall job satisfaction.

For example, during a recent project, a deadline was missed due to a lack of clear communication between team members. Instead of coming together to figure out what went wrong and how to avoid it in the future, the team resorted to a round of accusations and defensiveness. No one wanted to take responsibility, and nothing productive came out of the conversation. It’s frustrating because these situations seem to repeat themselves, and the underlying issues are never addressed.

I want to address this issue, but I’m unsure how to do so without putting myself in a vulnerable position. I don’t want to come across as overly critical or risk alienating myself from the team further. How can I create a more positive and cooperative atmosphere within my team? -- Teamwork

DEAR TEAMWORK: Consider bringing in a team-building expert to give your team tools to work together better. They can learn exercises to agree to disagree and to work together despite differences of opinions or work styles. Many companies have found such outside coaching helpful.

Internally, create group incentives such that if the team reaches a goal on time and well, everybody benefits. Encourage them to make the effort to work together and to support one another by drawing upon their strengths.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a stepmother to a 15-year-old girl, and I’ve been struggling to like her. She moved in with my husband and me full-time last year, and while I knew this transition wouldn’t be easy, I didn’t anticipate how much tension it would bring into our household. She’s opinionated, moody and often disrespectful to both me and her father. She talks back, doesn’t follow house rules and makes little effort to build a relationship with me. I’ve tried to be patient and understanding, reminding myself that she’s a teenager dealing with her parents’ divorce and a new living arrangement. Still, I can’t shake the resentment that’s building up. What makes it harder is that my husband and I don’t always agree on how to handle her behavior. He often takes a more lenient approach, while I feel like we need to enforce stricter boundaries. This has led to arguments between us, which adds to the tension. How can I work on improving my relationship with my stepdaughter and managing my own feelings of frustration? -- Stepchild

DEAR STEPCHILD: You and your husband have got to come to an agreement on household rules (including clearly defined penalties when they are broken), which you commit to enforcing together. Continue to offer love to your stepdaughter, but do so while reinforcing what respectful behavior looks like. Address the disrespectful communication, and make it clear that it’s unacceptable. Establish consequences that you reinforce. Also, create many opportunities to bond and show your loving support -- even if it’s hard for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)