DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my good friends has retreated completely. Last year her best friend passed away, and I think that loss is taking a major toll on her. At first, she was holding up all right, but now she doesn’t really respond to me or any other friends. I don’t think she’s active physically or socially, aside from work. I know grief can be overwhelming, so I worry about her. Would it be invasive to pop up at her home and check on her? -- Tucked Away

DEAR TUCKED AWAY: Looking out for friends during tender times is a sign of true friendship and compassion. By all means, go to check on this person. She may not like it, but your overture could be the lifeline she needs. People handle grief in many ways. It can seem impossible to go on for some people when key loved ones die. For this friend to see that you care about her right now may mean the world to her.

After that initial wellness check, do your best to coax her out of the house. Invite her for tea. Suggest that you two go for a walk or visit a museum. Simple activities that don’t cost much but that require human interaction can be healing for someone deep in grief. Give her the opportunity to talk about how she’s feeling, and let her know that you’re there for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you think of the right person, wrong time when it comes to romantic relationships? An ex and I keep finding our way back to each other -- not in an on-and-off kind of way, but in times of need or celebration, we always end up helping each other or supporting each other in one way or another. Whether it’s job references, catering an event, helping each other’s families or periodic perfectly timed check-ins, we always seem to be there for each other despite general and consistent distance. Am I in denial? -- Too Comfortable

DEAR TOO COMFORTABLE: Clearly there’s a “there” there in this relationship. Some bonds change in dynamics over time. The two of you may not be destined to be lovers, but since obviously there’s something keeping you together at pivotal moments, you can acknowledge and be grateful for that. Why not sit down and talk about it? Speak about the elephant in the room. Ask what you want and need from each other and if these seemingly happenstance encounters are enough, or if you want to try to see if there’s more to your bond.

Speak to each other as mature adults who have the capacity to make sound decisions about something as valuable as your friendship. This is key, as sometimes mature people lose their strength and focus when dealing with love relationships. Don’t do that. You two obviously have something special between you. Discover together how best to nurture that in respectful and loving ways. Don’t believe you have to follow any particular prescription for what your relationship ultimately looks like. Just figure it out together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today I saw and smelled someone smoking crack on a subway platform near to where I was standing. I was stunned. I know it happens all around my city -- in theory -- but I’ve never truly witnessed it in real time, only the aftereffects of it. What could I have done in that moment to help that situation? The subway platform was packed. There were little kids with their parents standing nearby, businesspeople and others. It felt unsafe and gross. None of us should be exposed to these sorts of reckless substances unknowingly. -- Crack Exposure

DEAR CRACK EXPOSURE: Sadly, many people continue to use drugs like crack, and enclosed public spaces are often where they use them, especially when it is cold outside and they are seeking shelter. That doesn’t mean, by the way, that it is OK or that you should look the other way. What you could have done is locate transit police and report the activity so that the person could be removed from the platform. You should never directly approach a person using drugs. Allow the professionals to handle that. Alerting them is certainly in the realm of performing your civic duty.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Growing up, I always felt like my parents favored my older sister. They gave her more attention, more praise and more encouragement because they believed she was destined for great success. No matter how hard I worked or what I accomplished, I never felt like I measured up to their expectations of her. Fast forward to today, both my sister and I have done well in life, but I’ve actually become more successful, particularly through investing, real estate and running my own business. Now, suddenly, my parents are treating me completely differently. They’ve become much warmer, more attentive and more interested in my life, but not for the reasons I would have hoped. Instead of being proud of me for what I’ve built, it feels like their change in attitude is mainly because they keep asking me for money. It’s frustrating and hurtful because I can’t tell if their affection is genuine or if it’s just transactional.

I’m struggling with how to handle this situation. Do I set firm boundaries and risk straining our relationship further, or do I help them out despite my resentment? I don’t want to hold grudges, but I also don’t want to be taken advantage of. -- Don’t Take Me for Granted

DEAR DON’T TAKE ME FOR GRANTED: You should decide how much you are willing to allocate to help your parents, purely out of love and respect for them. Decide on that amount, and when you reach it, tell them that you don’t have any more to offer.

As far as figuring out their motivation for being kind to you, don’t go down that rabbit hole. Family dynamics are often complicated. Yours certainly are. Rather than setting yourself up for more hurt feelings, do your best to forgive your parents for their favoritism and live your life. Be proud of yourself and your ability to help them despite their shortcomings. Consider getting therapy to help you heal from your emotional scars.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve always admired public speakers. I have a desire to sit on a panel and share my thoughts, but a part of me struggles with courage, and another part of me questions the authenticity of this desire. Is it OK to aspire to be a speaker, or is that a role that should be granted to someone based on their professional or academic experiences? -- Public Speaker

DEAR PUBLIC SPEAKER: All kinds of people become public speakers. Ask yourself why this is a goal for you and what you believe you have to offer an audience if you were to take on that role.

I knew I wanted to be a writer since I was 12 years old. I used to write poetry and stuff it into shoeboxes in the back of my closet when I was a child. It took me 20 years before I published my first book, but I kept at it, fine-tuned my craft, worked in media, built a knowledge base on which to write -- and then I did it. Because I had that knowledge base and experience through my work as a magazine editor, opportunities arose naturally for me to speak publicly. Over time, I built up that part of my work, and now I speak to audiences regularly.

The same can happen for you. Choose a topic you love. Become an expert at it. Practice talking about your passion. Volunteer to speak to small groups about that topic. Over time, people will begin to trust that yours is a voice they want to hear.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently started a small business selling baked goods, and while I admire her ambition, the truth is that her products just aren’t very good, and they are extremely overpriced. She’s constantly promoting her business on social media and encouraging friends to buy her cakes or cupcakes, and I feel guilty not supporting her. At the same time, I don’t want to spend my hard-earned money on something I know I won’t enjoy. I also worry that if I buy something once, she’ll expect me to keep supporting her, and I don’t want to get stuck in a cycle of buying things out of obligation. At the same time, I don’t want to hurt her feelings or discourage her from following her dreams. How can I be a supportive friend without wasting money on products I don’t actually want? Should I be honest about my feelings, or is there a way to help in other ways? -- Bad Business

DEAR BAD BUSINESS: Ask your friend if she is open to your input on her business. Suggest that she gather a few confidants and have a session where you give honest feedback about the business she is building. With a few people in the room, it won’t be just your opinion. Sample the items she is offering. Be ready to provide constructive feedback. Note how her pricing compares to similar businesses. Your input can be invaluable -- especially if you offer it in a clear, loving manner.

Friends rarely are the people who keep other friends’ businesses alive. Candid, caring feedback is a way that they can help their friends grow and correct their course as needed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)