DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a lowly communications professional at a technology firm. When we have video calls with upper-level people, our wonderful leader spits tobacco juice into a clear plastic bottle. On camera.

He spits elegantly, but I still want him to stop because it’s gross. He’s chewed tobacco since he was a young man, and when we’re in the office, he also does it elegantly and turns away when he spits. Quite unobtrusive. But when he does it on camera, it makes me, his communications adviser, want to hit him with a large stick.

I am glad we’re working from home. How does one politely notify a senior executive that he has a disgusting habit?

GENTLE READER: No matter how wonderful your leader is, Miss Manners doubts anyone’s ability to spit elegantly.

As a lowly employee, your ability to correct his behavior is limited. But as his communications adviser -- with the best interests of the company, and your leader, at heart -- you have greater latitude. Explain to him that some of the customers have expressed concern about his on-camera habit. You wonder if he is aware that this new technology makes every action more noticeable than it is in person, and you were sure he would want to know.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My common sense and my upbringing are in conflict. Based on my upbringing, if I am invited to a wedding, I always send a gift. No exceptions. Even if I do not plan to attend, and even if I am mystified as to how I made the list in the first place. After all, they extended one of their limited invites to me.

In this time of COVID, however, I have begun to receive invitations to attend/watch virtual, livestreamed weddings. In these cases, there is no limit on the number of people a couple can invite. In many cases, I feel like the only explanation for my invitation is that they invited everyone on an email list (e.g., all members of a church or synagogue).

This feels more like a fundraising solicitation than a real wedding invitation! My common sense tells me that there is no need to send a gift just because I am invited to stream a wedding, unless I have enough of a relationship to the couple that I would have at least considered attending a physical wedding.

What do you think? Are the rules different now? Does an invitation to a virtual wedding require a real gift? Does it matter whether I receive a physical invitation or just an evite?

GENTLE READER: Although she does not wish to criticize your upbringing or your generosity, Miss Manners must protest that requesting a waiver from a rule that does not exist puts her at a disadvantage. Presents are given voluntarily; they are never mandatory. No exceptions.

You are therefore free not to participate -- so long as you keep to yourself your feeling that the invitation is brazen gift-fishing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I found out that when my mother-in-law asks for gifts, she asks for things that she would not buy for herself. This came up because she recently mentioned that she never orders from a specific brand because it is so overpriced.

She had asked for, and I gave her, something from that brand last Christmas. I am insulted that she feels it suitable for others to spend their money on things that she thinks are not a good value, especially since that gift has gone unused since last Christmas.

I realize Miss Manners does not like gift registries of any sort, but since they are a common reality, what is the proper etiquette for what goes on them? I personally never list anything that I would not buy for myself, whether it be the cheapest asparagus tongs or the finest silk scarf.

GENTLE READER: Isn’t it the object of presents to give someone something she would not buy for herself?

By accepting the “common reality” of allowing people to choose their own presents, thus neatly eliminating the need to be thoughtful, you have waived the objection to people stating what they really want.

It is true that what passes for thoughtfulness is now, instead, for the prospective recipient to consider the spending ability of those she hopes will do her shopping.

Do you wonder that Miss Manners considers all this a perversion of generosity and gratitude?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often find myself caught off-guard by family members who don’t invite me to functions, but still make me feel guilty.

I was not invited to my niece’s 50th birthday dinner. When I was talking to her brother (my nephew), he bluntly told me that they’re going to a local restaurant for dinner. The phone went silent on my end, because I didn’t know anything about it and I really didn’t know how to respond. Then, after a long pause, he said, “It’s her 50th birthday!!”

I felt like he was going out of his way to make me feel bad. I just said the first thing that came to mind, which was, “Aren’t you afraid to go out to a restaurant amidst COVID?” He said no, then I said, “I can’t do that. I’m afraid of going out.” Then he dropped it.

But I was not even invited to this party. How should I have handled it?

My husband can’t be in the same room with my family because he doesn’t like them, so they’re used to me making excuses not to attend family gatherings. But at the same time, they fail to invite me and then say things like that to make me feel bad.

GENTLE READER: Well, you could start attending family events, with or without your husband, when the conditions are safe. Or you could even host one to show that you want to be included.

Otherwise, Miss Manners does not understand your complaint: You stopped accepting invitations and your relatives stopped issuing them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dog chased my 6-year-old son in our new neighborhood, and when my husband went over to talk to the dog’s owner, we were assured it wouldn’t happen again. Then the dog chased my son again -- and bit him -- the next week.

After I reported the bite (on the advice of my child’s pediatrician), animal control came out to take reports and quarantine the dog, as per their protocol. Then the dog’s owner came over to chew me out for reporting the bite, rather than to apologize and ask about my son’s well-being.

A week or two later, I told the dog’s owner how scared my kids are to go by their house -- not because of the dog, but because of the “mean scary lady.” A few days after that, while we were out for the day, she left a present for my son, and a couple of notes about how bad she feels. We were all set to make up, until the next day, when my son rode by her house and she called out to him, “Say thank you.”

I am so angry again. She is a grandma, and I feel she should know better. I don’t want my kids anywhere near her -- ever. Do we owe her a thank-you note?

GENTLE READER: To whom do you hope to teach manners -- your neighbor or your son?

The neighbor sounds like a poor prospect, so Miss Manners suggests directing the instruction to your son. The lesson here would be: “We behave well, even when other people don’t.”

This does not mean that you have to be silent victims. You rightly reported the dog bite. By calling her a “scary lady,” rather than some epithets that probably sprang to your mind, you were only reporting your son’s reaction. All within the bounds of politeness -- and your point was made, resulting in an apology and a present.

Then, having finally done the right thing, your neighbor craved acknowledgment. It was rude of her to ask for thanks, but then, you already knew that she was new to good behavior.

Presents do require thanks. Surely you do not want to teach your son that he need not do the right thing if others do not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to start addressing Christmas cards. In this ever-changing world, I don’t know the proper way to address envelopes. Please help. Until now, I knew that if I were addressing a doctor and his wife, the address would read, “Dr. and Mrs. John Smith.” But how should the address read if the woman has the professional title, and not the man?

Also, with so many gay marriages, how would I address a letter to two men or two women? And what if the couple has chosen one surname? These modern times have me quite perplexed.

GENTLE READER: But it is so simple. All you need is another line on the envelope:

“Dr. Jasmine Wright/Mr. Rocco Wright.” “Ms. Lily Hunter/Ms. Isabelle Groton.” Or, on one line, “The Messrs. Everett and Luke Hampshire.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)