San Diego photographer Mike Sakasegawa prides himself on seeing the beauty in mundane objects, The Washington Post reports. But something about his latest subject took social media by storm. On July 11, as Sakasegawa returned home from his morning run, he noticed a round, yellow object rolling down the street. "I thought it was a tennis ball or something," he said, but in fact it was a lemon. So he did what any self-respecting photographer would do: He captured video of the fruit as it continued its journey to the bottom of the hill, then posted his 1.5-minute documentary to Twitter. Within 24 hours the video racked up more than 2.5 million views. "I post stuff that's similar to this all the time," Sakasegawa said. "Most of the time, it floats on by." By the next day, the lemon video had gained more than 100,000 likes, was retweeted tens of thousands of times, and a literary agent had contacted Sakasegawa, wondering if he'd like to make the lemon into a children's book. [The Washington Post, 7/12/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Rye Wardlaw, 40, chalked up a big FAIL on July 8 at NW Escape Experience in Vancouver, Washington, when he broke into the business in the pre-dawn hours. According to The Washington Post, Wardlaw tried and failed to enter through a back door using a metal pipe, then knocked a hole through the wall. After climbing through, he knocked over a set of lockers. Then, carrying a burrito and a beer he nicked from the company's refrigerator, he wandered into the "Kill Room," an escape room dressed to look like a serial murderer's hideout. Among the blood-spattered walls and fake cadavers, Wardlaw got scared, but he couldn't ... escape. So he called 911 (four times) and pleaded for help. Clark County Sheriff's officers accepted his confession and charged him with second-degree burglary. [The Washington Post, 7/12/2018]

-- In Mesa, Arizona, two troopers with the Arizona Department of Public Safety were surprised to find themselves being pulled over on State Route 51 by a black Dodge Charger on July 11. The troopers were in an unmarked Mustang and had spotted the Charger behind them sporting law enforcement-style emergency lights, reported ABC15 Arizona. A registration check revealed the car was registered to a private citizen, who soon activated his flashing lights and pulled the troopers over. When the (real) troopers approached the Charger, they found 44-year-old Matthew Allen Disbro of Mesa wearing a security uniform and a gun belt with a handgun, cuffs and pepper spray. The car also contained a siren box, police radio and a vest with a baton and knife. Disbro was arrested for impersonating an officer. [ABC15 Arizona, 7/13/2018]

Fun Suckers

Organizers of Bats Day, a special celebration at Disneyland for the goth community, have called it quits, citing the loss of available tax deductions under President Trump's new tax law. The annual event began 20 years ago and grew to attract more than 8,000 goths each year, with Disneyland offering discounted tickets and hotel rooms for participants. "We did a lot of research," Bats Day founder Noah Korda told Vice, "and, unfortunately, it just wasn't feasible to actually continue ... with the way that we run the event." On May 6, about 800 goths showed up for a final group photo in front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle. [Vice, 5/8/2018]

Awesome!

Rhode Island Gov. Gina Raimondo isn't going to spend her summer sitting in a stuffy office. Instead, she announced on July 14 that she is holding summer office hours at state beaches, beginning with Scarborough State Beach in Narragansett. She and members of the Office of Constituent Services, who will help connect residents with state services, started their new schedule on July 16. The governor told the Associated Press she looks forward to hearing directly from residents while visiting some of the state's most popular destinations. [Associated Press, 7/14/2018]

Hey, It's Florida

-- Indian River County (Florida) sheriff's officers stopped Earle Stevens Jr., 69, on June 27 after another driver called 911, complaining that Stevens' Mercury Grand Marquis kept tapping her bumper in a McDonald's drive-thru lane. The officers noted "a strong odor of alcoholic beverage emitting from his breath ... His speech was slurred and his eyes were red and glossy." He also had an open bottle of Jim Beam bourbon in a brown paper bag on the passenger seat. Stevens, of Vero Beach, struggled to produce his ID and said he's never had a valid Florida driver's license, according to Treasure Coast Newspapers. He also explained he was not drinking while driving, only when he stopped for stop signs and traffic signals. After failing several field sobriety tests and a breath test, Stevens was charged with driving under the influence and driving without a license. [Treasure Coast Newspapers, 7/12/2018]

-- Florida Highway Patrol officers pulled over a Nissan sedan on May 16 on I-95 after observing erratic driving, reported the Miami Herald. Indeed, Port St. Lucie, Florida, resident Scott Allen Garrett, 56, smelled of alcohol, had an open bottle of 92-proof Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum on the passenger seat, was slurring his words and had "red, very glassy and bloodshot eyes," according to the police report. Garrett then told officers his dog had been driving -- which would have been notable on its own, but was particularly interesting considering there was no dog in the car with him. Garrett was charged with DUI. [Miami Herald, 7/6/2018]

Undignified Behavior

City Councilwoman Carol S. Fowler, 48, of Huron, Kansas, made a splash in the news when Atchison County Sheriff's deputies tried to arrest her on June 29 for failure to appear on an outstanding warrant. Fowler put up such a fight deputies had to use their tasers on her, and she was arrested for interference and battery on a law enforcement officer. But Fowler was just getting started, according to the Atchison Globe. On July 2, as jail workers tried to remove her jewelry and personal items, Fowler bit one of them on the thumb hard enough to break the bone. Fowler now faces three felony charges of battery on a law enforcement officer and a charge of interference with a law enforcement officer. [Atchison Globe, 7/5/2018]

Bright Idea

In Nashville, 20-year-old Antonio Freeman knew he had a problem on June 25 when three police officers approached him as he rolled a marijuana cigarette. He also knew there was a bigger problem in his pocket: a plastic bag full of cocaine. In a bold move, according to the Tennessean, Freeman pulled the bag out of his chest pocket, crushed it in his hand and sprinkled cocaine over Officer Ryan Caulfield's head and into the air in an attempt to destroy evidence. The officers were able to salvage about 2.5 grams of cocaine and charge Freeman with tampering with evidence along with possession of a schedule IV drug and unlawful use of drug paraphernalia. [Tennessean, 6/26/2018]

Bold Move

A cheeky seagull embarked on a life of crime on July 14 in Gloucester, Massachusetts, by plucking a man's wallet from the top of a pizza box and carrying it onto a nearby roof. Phil Peterson was on a cherry picker hanging lights nearby and offered to retrieve the wallet, which was being picked apart by two baby seagulls "literally trying to eat (it)," Peterson explained. He tried to distract them by throwing bread at them, but that only turned their attention to him. "It was like the movie, '(The) Birds,'" he said. "I was afraid they were going to pick my brains." Quick-thinking bystander Mike Ramos borrowed a flashlight from a police officer and used the the strobe feature to "discombobulate" the birds long enough for Peterson to sneak in, grab the wallet and bring it back to Earth. "It was just the craziest thing I ever saw in my life," Ramos told New England Cable News. [New England Cable News, 7/14/2018]

Many citizens of the world are weary of the war and strife that seem to be consuming the news, and about 200,000 of them have already signed up to put it all in the rear-view mirror by becoming citizens of Asgardia. This coming-soon colony on the moon is led by Igor Ashurbeyli, a Russian engineer, computer scientist and businessman who was inaugurated as its leader on June 25 in Vienna. Asgardia's parliament plans to set up "space arks" with artificial gravity in the next 10 to 15 years, where its projected 150 million citizens can live permanently, Reuters reports, and Ashurbeyli hopes settlement on the moon will be complete within 25 years. Asgardia is named after Asgard, a "world in the sky" in Norse mythology. Its leaders hope to attract a population from among the "most creative" in humanity, perhaps using "IQ tests," according to Ashurbeyli. Best of all: For the time being, becoming a citizen online is free. [Reuters, 6/25/2018]

Ewwwwww!

Susan Allan of Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada, was driving with her son on May 9, enjoying the beautiful weather with the sunroof open, when they were suddenly hit with a cold material that smelled to them like feces mixed with chlorine. "Like a clean poop smell if that's possible," Allan told Vice. "My son threw up, and we had so much in our faces. Both of us, our faces were covered in poop." Apparently, poop is falling from the sky all over Canada; Transport Canada has received 18 such reports this year. But the government has not issued an explanation for the phenomenon. Allan thinks it is related to airplanes flying overhead and the Canadian government is covering it up. But Transport Canada pooh-poohed her theory and has declined to comment further. [Vice, 6/29/2018]

Oh, Fudge

KCCI TV in Des Moines, Iowa, reported on June 27 the loss of a tractor-trailer load of chocolate when the truck caught fire near Dexter, Iowa. The trailer, full of chocolate from Hershey, Pennsylvania, was westbound when it experienced brake problems that caused it to ignite. The driver pulled off and was able to detach the trailer from the cab before it caught fire. No injuries were reported, except to the chocolate, which was a total loss. [KCCI, 6/27/2018]

Weird Science

Montgomery, Alabama, resident Kayla Rahn, 30, had been trying for months to lose weight, but instead experienced dramatic weight gain and pain in her stomach. She became out of breath just taking a short walk. Finally, in May, Rahn's mother took her to the emergency room at Jackson Hospital, where doctors discovered a growth attached to her ovary and removed what turned out to be a 50-pound, benign cyst, reported WSFA 12 News. The cyst resembled a large watermelon in size. "This is one of the largest I have ever seen," Dr. Gregory Jones told reporters. "We are very excited things went well for her." [WSFA, 6/27/2018]

Litigious Society

In Norman's Bay, East Sussex, England, Nigel and Sheila Jacklin are studiously keeping their eyes down after being threatened with prosecution if they look at their neighbors' house -- an adjoining property bought five years ago by Dr. Stephane Duckett and Norinne Betjemann. The Jacklins, 26-year residents of the beachfront community, had repeatedly complained to authorities about noisy builders, verbal abuse and light pollution as Duckett and Betjemann turned a former workshop into a weekend retreat. In June, The Sun reported that after police were called into the dispute, the Rother District Council sent the Jacklins a "community protection warning" that defines an "exclusion zone" around Duckett and Betjemann's home, forcing the Jacklins to take a roundabout route to the beach. Nigel Jacklin said: "We can't walk to and from the beach or through the village without fear of being prosecuted." The Jacklins plan to fight the order. [The Sun, 6/28/2018]

Weird Food

Minor league baseball teams come up with some wacky promotional ideas, and "Sugar Rush Night" at the Erie (Pennsylvania) SeaWolves game on June 23 didn't disappoint. WNEP TV noted that one highlight was the cotton candy hot dog: a wiener nestled in a cloud of cotton candy, then sprinkled with Nerds candies. Brave SeaWolves fans could top off the meal with a cotton candy ball: ice cream covered with sprinkles and enclosed in cotton candy. Maybe the sugar rush was too much for the players; they lost 5-3 to the Altoona (Pennsylvania) Curve. [WNEP, 6/24/2018]

Recurring Theme: Airport Nudity

Travelers aboard a Delta Air Lines flight that had just landed at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta on June 26 were startled when a nearly naked man ran up to their plane and jumped onto a wing, then attempted to open an emergency exit. Jhyrin Jones, 19, had scaled a fence topped with razor wire to reach the runway; just minutes before, he had jumped on some parked cars at a nearby construction site and threatened to "kill y'all, I'm going to blow this place up, trust nobody, you better believe me," according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. A police report indicated Jones "appeared to be under the influence of narcotics." He was charged with criminal trespass and public indecency, among other things. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 6/28/2018]

Perspective

An 82-year-old Japanese man who has lived as a naked "hermit" on a deserted island near Taiwan since 1989 has been forced to return to Japan. Masafumi Nagasaki made his way to Sotobanari Island 29 years ago and told Reuters in 2012 that he wished to die there. "Finding a place to die is an important thing to do," Nagasaki said, "and I've decided here is the place for me." Earlier reports indicated that he at one time had a wife and two children, and he ran a hostess club in Niigata, Japan. "In civilization people treated me like an idiot and made me feel like one. On this island I don't feel like that," he said. Nagasaki explained that at first he wore clothes on the island, but a typhoon destroyed his belongings. Alvaro Cerezo, who documents the stories of island castaways, told News.com/au that in April, authorities removed Nagasaki from the island and placed him in government housing in Ishigaki, Japan, because he was ill and weak. "They took him back to civilization and that's it," Cerezo said. "They won't allow him to return." [News.com/au, 6/26/2018]

Bright Idea

"ARE YOU BLIND IT 25 MPH" is Ron Ward's in-your-face (and grammatically lacking) attempt to slow down drivers along his street in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Ward has been making signs for years, neighbor Patrick Schmidt told FOX 17 in June. Ward claims, "By the time (drivers) hit this here driveway, they're doing at least 50-55 miles an hour." He just wants people to follow the Richmond Street speed limit. "Slow down, the whole neighborhood's got kids," he said. The City of Grand Rapids, however, has no specific plans for speed monitoring on the street. [FOX 17, 6/26/2018]

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

-- Early on June 26, a man who had been sleeping on the South Miami Avenue bridge over the Miami River got a rude awakening as the drawbridge started to raise to allow a boat to pass underneath. Witness Khadijah Andrews had seen the man as she was walking to an early yoga class, she told WSVN TV, and she looked for him when the bridge began rising. Fortunately, he woke up after sliding down a ways and was able to hold on until the bridge was lowered. Andrews said the unnamed man walked away with no apparent injuries: "You think you're about to watch a man lose his life. It's just terrifying. I never want to see that again." [WSVN, 6/26/2018]

-- In Devon, England, on June 30, a couple who had just exchanged vows at the Furrough Cross Church gathered their wedding party at Tessier Gardens next door to take pictures. But a sunbathing woman who was squarely in the frame of the wedding photos refused to move from her towel. So the party just posed around her. The groom's son approached the woman and asked her to move, but she "pretended to be asleep," he told Metro News. Later she did move but left her belongings in the same spot. "It was bloody rude and disrespectful," claimed Natalie Ming, a relative of the groom. [Metro News, 7/2/2018]

During the 2014 World Cup, five friends in Durango, Mexico, made a pact to travel to the 2018 tournament in Russia. They saved their money, bought a bus, painted it in Mexico's colors and booked passage for themselves and the bus on a ship going to Spain, where The Daily Mail reported, the friends planned to drive the bus to Russia. But just before they boarded the ship in April, one of the five, Javier, told his friends his wife had put the kibosh on his trip. So the remaining four did the next best thing: They made a cardboard life-size cutout of Javier, looking grumpy and wearing a shirt that says, "My wife didn't let me go," and set off for Russia. The cardboard Javier has been very popular at the soccer venues, attracting female admirers, appearing on the big screen, crowdsurfing and being photographed with fellow football fans from all over the world. [The Daily Mail, 6/18/2018]

Anger Management

In North Port, Florida, a witness watched on June 17 as 75-year-old Helena Molnar beat an unnamed man with a water jug after he watered her plants. When he emptied the rest of the water in the jug on her plants, she went inside her house and returned with a different weapon, which the witness didn't see but said "made a different sound" than the water jug. According to WWSB TV, North Port police arrived to find the victim soaking wet, with blood drops on his shirt. Molnar was charged with battery. [WWSB, 6/19/2018]

Undignified Death

Samen Kondorura was joined by dozens of male relatives mourning his mother's death in North Toraja, South Sulawesi, Indonesia, on June 15, as they carried her coffin to a lakkean, a wooden stilt structure where dead bodies are stored during traditional funeral ceremonies. But as they hoisted the coffin up a bamboo ladder, The Jakarta Post reported, the ladder broke and the coffin fell, striking people in the crowd, including Kondorura himself, who suffered a severe head injury and died on the way to the hospital. [Jakarta Post, 6/15/2018]

Art Makes a Statement

-- At the Royal College of Art's annual London fashion show in June, one graduate unveiled a unique approach to accessorizing garments: crystallized bodily fluids. Alice Potts displayed a pair of ballet shoes decorated with crystals formed from sweat, along with a fake fur adorned with urine crystals. Potts told Reuters the "more natural materials" could offer environmental benefits not possible with traditional plastics. [Reuters, 6/20/2018]

-- To kick off an exhibition focused on the opioid crisis at his Stamford, Connecticut, art gallery on June 22, gallery owner Fernando Alvarez and artist Domenic Esposito placed an 800-pound, 11-foot-long steel sculpture of a bent and burned spoon in front of the headquarters of Purdue Pharma, makers of OxyContin. Purdue has been the subject of lawsuits alleging deceptive marketing and, therefore, responsibility for opioid addiction and overdose issues. "The spoon has always been an albatross for my family," said Esposito, whose brother has struggled with drug addiction for 14 years. The Associated Press reported police arrested Alvarez for obstructing free passage and confiscated the spoon as evidence. [Associated Press, 6/22/2018]

Awesome!

On June 23, firefighters of Engine 642 of the Henrietta, New York, Fire District went the extra mile after responding to an accident in which the injured driver was a pizza delivery man, according to Fox News. "Once the patient was cared for and loaded into the ambulance, the crew decided to finish the delivery so the pizza wouldn't go to waste," the fire department posted on its Facebook page. "If it's not delivery it's Di ... Fire dept?!" [Fox News, 6/23/2018]

Oops!

-- James J. Rynerson, 38, was being held in the Mesa County (Colorado) Jail in May after being charged with menacing, disorderly conduct and trespass. But on May 21, the Grand Junction Daily Sentinel reported, sheriff's deputies at the jail released him, having mistaken him for Marvin March, 35, a different inmate. Jail staff gave Rynerson March's belongings, and he wore March's leather jacket as he signed March's name to the release papers and left the facility. Rynerson's wife was startled to see her husband in the garage at their home, and after he explained what happened, she convinced him to go back. She "personally drove him back to the Mesa County Detention Facility," the report noted, and he was back in custody by 11 p.m., with new charges, including escape and forgery, added to his list. [Grand Junction Sentinel, 6/21/2018]

-- A woman in Wenling, China, was so thrilled to be driving the Ferrari 458 she rented on June 21 that she recorded herself while waiting at a stoplight: "First time driving a Ferrari. This truly is the most amazing feeling." But within minutes, reported the Daily Mail, she swerved out of control, striking a metal traffic barrier and a BMW X3, destroying the front end of the $660,000 Ferrari and deploying its airbags. Neither the driver nor her passenger was injured in the accident. [Daily Mail, 6/24/2018]

Recurring Themes

In this week's installment of foreign objects stuck in body cavities: Mr. Li of China's Guangdong Province went to the doctor on June 15 at Pingshan Hospital in Shenzhen after feeling discomfort and pain in his ear. Using an otoscope scan, the doctor discovered a live cockroach burrowing into the 52-year-old man's ear canal. "It's still alive, still moving," the doctor can be heard on video saying, according to The Daily Mail. She cut the roach into pieces to remove it and disinfected Li's ear with alcohol in case it had laid eggs. [Daily Mail, 6/18/2018]

News That Sounds Like a Movie

When Juan Ramon Alfonso Penayo, 20, of Santa Teresa, Paraguay, failed to return after leaving his home June 14, his family assumed the worst. The town lies on the border with Brazil, reported the BBC, and is a hotbed of illegal drug activity. Police found a charred body three days later and called Penayo's family, who, despite being unable to identify the remains, accepted that it must be him and proceeded with funeral arrangements. As they mourned over his casket during the wake, Penayo walked nonchalantly into the room. The body in the casket was returned to the morgue, and Penayo's family celebrated his return. [BBC, 6/19/2018]

Suspicions Confirmed

Visitors crowding into a Vancouver, Canada, street festival on June 17 were invited -- at $38 a pop -- to try a new health craze: Hot Dog Water. The drink is marketed as a gluten-free, Keto diet-compatible, post-workout source of sodium and electrolytes, and every sleek bottle, which promises to help with weight loss, also contains a hot dog. It's also a prank. Hot Dog Water CEO Douglas Bevans told Global News the product was dreamed up as a response to the "snake oil salesmen" of health marketing. In small print at the bottom of the sales sheet is this disclaimer: "Hot Dog Water in its absurdity hopes to encourage critical thinking related to product marketing and the significant role it can play in our purchasing choices." Touche. [Global News, 6/17/2018]