News of the Weird

The Pokemon Co. has made Japanese brides' dreams come true with its announcement that it is collaborating with a wedding planner to offer sanctioned ceremonies with its characters in attendance, dressed as a bride and groom. Yes, Pikachu will stand up with you and your betrothed (as long as you go to Japan to tie the knot), and the icing on the cake is Pokemon-themed food items and a Pikachu cake topper. Finally, United Press International reports, for your scrapbook, you'll have a marriage certificate decorated with Pokemon imagery -- surely an item you'll want to preserve in a licensed Pokemon photo frame. [UPI, 5/30/2019]

Stay With Me Here

Around 1:40 a.m. on May 9, as an unnamed Cocoa, Florida, homeowner slept in her garage, a black Cadillac crashed into the structure, missing her by only inches, according to the 911 call. The Cadillac was stolen, it turns out, and was fleeing an Orange County Sheriff's Office patrol vehicle -- which was also stolen and being driven by someone impersonating a police officer. After the crash, WFTV reported, the imposter patrolman continued trying to pull over vehicles before speeding away. The patrol SUV was later abandoned behind a shopping plaza in Cocoa. [WFTV, 5/9/2019]

Least Competent Criminal

Police in Lincoln, Nebraska, responded to a call on May 21 about a domestic assault. They didn't find the suspect, identified as Markel Towner, 26, in the residence, but someone who matched his description was sitting outside in a car. When questioned, the man said his name was Deangelo Towns, but a fashion faux pas led officers to suspect he was lying -- a lanyard around the man's neck clearly bore the name "Markel Towner." After some resistance, KETV reported, Towner was finally subdued and arrested on a variety of charges. [KETV, 5/22/2019]

Oops

An unidentified man in Tuscumbia, Alabama, did what so many of us do every day: He went online to Amazon to order some household items. But when his package arrived on May 23, he was alarmed to discover a urine sample from a private citizen, not the shower curtain and rings he'd ordered. "When I reached in and pulled it out (it was) some kind of urine specimen or something like that," he told WHNT. An Amazon representative said the company was "very sorry" about the mistake and would send his bathroom accessories right away, but declined to have him return the sample. [WHNT, 5/23/2019]

Bright Ideas

-- May 17 wasn't the first time Dan Smith of Seattle found a Car2Go vehicle left in the driveway of his rental property, so he erected a fence around it and posted NO TRESPASSING signs and other warnings. He then informed Car2Go's parent company, Share Now, that he wanted $65 per day for storage, $300 for the fence and $500 for harassment. Share Now responded to inquiries from KIRO saying seven different customers tried to rent the car a day after it was left in Smith's driveway but couldn't because of the barricade. Asad Rasheed, who lives in Smith's building, said the errantly parked vehicles are a common problem: "People are not made aware of where to park, where not to park and how to use them," Rasheed said. Share Now has agreed to work with Smith but told the TV station they wouldn't be paying him. [KIRO, 5/30/2019]

-- Damon Hudson, 25, of St. Ives, England, first noticed his missing milk delivery on May 17. "My milk delivery means the world to me. My little brother and sister can't function without their cereal in the morning," Hudson told Metro News. He could see the thief on his doorbell video footage, but he didn't want to bother the police with such a trivial case, so after two weeks of going milk-less, he set up his own sting. Hudson introduced a couple of new ingredients in the milk bottle: fish oil and his own urine. "Hopefully that's the end. The weirdo deserves it." No word on whether the thief has found a new target. [Metro News, 6/3/2019]

Star Treatment

Gwen Lynch, the lone 2019 graduate of the eighth grade at Cuttyhunk Elementary School on Cuttyhunk Island, Massachusetts, will receive the accolades and advice of a celebrity graduation speaker, actress and comedian Jenny Slate, on June 17. The island, which has a year-round population of only about a dozen people, is familiar to Slate, whose parents live nearby, reported the Cape Cod Times. Gwen has also been working on her own speech. Graduation festivities will include a potluck dinner, and organizers expect a "packed house": "Most of the town will be there," predicted Michael Astrue, who secured Slate for the address. [Cape Cod Times, 6/3/2019]

Fashion Statement

Beachgoers looking to make a statement this summer will want to check out the Jeado, a Speedo-style swimsuit brief for men that looks like it's cut from a pair of jeans, but is really made of polyester and Spandex, for comfort and quick drying. The retailer describes the faux-denim look: "It is like eating a bag of chips in church. Everyone looks over at you with disgust, but deep down they want some too." United Press International reports that Jeados sell for $39.99 through shinesty.com. [UPI, 5/30/2019]

Questionable Judgment

While students at Holy Family Catholic School in Port Allen, Louisiana, took a field trip to Washington, D.C., to learn about our nation's founding and visit historic sites, their principal, Michael Comeau, had another kind of sightseeing in mind. In the pre-dawn hours of May 31, police were called to Archibald's Gentleman's Club in D.C. after "an intoxicated man refused to pay his bill," according to the arrest report. The Advocate reports that officers found Comeau, 47, standing in a roadway, "refusing to move." He was arrested for public intoxication and possession of an open container of alcohol. Comeau immediately resigned his position as principal, along with his role as a reserve police officer at the Brusly Police Department. [The Advocate, 5/31/2019]

Unclear on the Concept

For reasons that remain unclear, a local police officer drove a beach patrol ATV into a marsh on Tybee Island, Georgia, on May 31, where it became stuck in the mud. Officials with the Georgia Department of Natural Resources say the officer then used a City of Tybee pickup truck to try to free the ATV, but the truck also became stuck. City workers next attempted to pull both vehicles out using two backhoes, which also succumbed to the marsh. An excavator was finally able to free one of the backhoes from the muck, but the Coastal Resources Division of the DNR reported to WSAV that it will likely take a barge and crane to extricate the other three vehicles. Tybee city officials are conducting an investigation. [WSAV, 6/3/2019]

Anger Management

Don't mess with Texas ... or with 41-year-old Doris Vallejo-Godoy of Austin, Texas, who pulled a gun on a man at La Catedral del Marisco, a Mexican restaurant, according to an arrest affidavit. The June 2 scuffle began as a disagreement about who would be up next for karaoke, the Statesman reported. The man told police that as they argued, Vallejo-Godoy struck him, then pulled out her gun and pointed it at him. She also threatened a waitress who tried to intervene, the affidavit said. Police arrived as Vallejo-Godoy was arguing in the parking lot with her girlfriend; she was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and unlawful carrying of a concealed weapon. [Statesman, 6/3/2019]

Bill Gibson of Burtonsville, Maryland, drives an iconic vehicle: a custom-built 1966 replica of the Batmobile, complete with rocket launchers, jet flames and a bat phone, worth $175,000. So he wasn't about to stand by and let a criminal escape on May 15, when a hit-and-run driver smashed into his prized car on Route 28 in Silver Spring. "I don't know what the guy was thinking," Gibson told Fox5. "He must have been going about 60 ... and just slammed into the right rear corner." When the driver failed to pull over, Gibson dialed 911 and gave chase, eventually pulling into a church parking lot, where the driver agreed to give Gibson his insurance information without getting the police involved. Gibson estimates repairs will cost around $7,000. [Fox5, 5/21/2019]

Lame

Manuel Muniz, 35, of Amsterdam, New York, didn't fool officers of the Montgomery County Sheriff's Department with his attempt to avoid the lines at the DMV. Muniz was charged on May 20 with driving an unregistered vehicle after officers quickly identified Muniz's handwritten inspection sticker as a fake, made out of red construction paper and including a handmade bar code and January 2020 expiration date, WRGB reported. "We appreciate people who take some initiative," the department posted on its Facebook page, "however this will not work as your vehicle inspection sticker, NICE TRY!" [WRGB, 5/22/2019]

The Litigious Society

Jim and Jen (who asked that their last names be withheld) of Ontario, Canada, decided in 2011 they would be done having children after their twins were born that year. Jen's doctor was supposed to perform a tubal ligation after delivering the babies, but 10 months later, she found herself pregnant again. "I was floored," she told CTV News. "I couldn't imagine having a newborn again." But in February 2013, their fourth child was born, and later that year, Jen and Jim sued their hospital and doctors for $800,000 for wrongful pregnancy. The case is expected to go to trial in spring 2020. It's "not that we don't love her. ... She is everything and more, but it still doesn't mitigate the fact that there are pragmatic costs to raising a child," Jen said. The hospital investigated and uncovered a chain of miscommunication regarding the tubal ligation -- compounded by not letting Jen know the procedure had not been done. "If a man got a woman pregnant, he would have to pay child support, right?" said Jim. Lawyers for the doctors deny that Jen and Jim have suffered any damages. [CTV News, 5/27/2019]

Bright Idea

Indianapolis Metropolitan Police officers were led on a chase late on May 26 after a reckless driver nearly hit a patrol car. Ignoring signs and warnings about a bridge out ahead, the driver tried to jump the bridge "Dukes of Hazzard" style, reported WXIN, but when he came to the end of the pavement, his car hit the exposed beams of the bridge and skidded to a stop. The driver got away, but police apprehended a passenger, who informed them the driver had one leg and had left his prosthetic leg behind in the car. Police said they were confident they'll track him down soon. [Fox59, 5/27/2019]

Fashion Statement

You either love 'em or hate 'em, but if you're going to be mocked for your fashion sense, Crocs' newest style doubles your chances. Developed as part of a collaboration with Japanese streetwear company Beams, the new Crocs sport tiny fanny packs attached to the ankle straps, reported CBS News. The $53 shoes come in teal and purple, and the miniature backpacks are big enough for keys, a credit card and a few dollars -- along with what's left of your dignity. [CBS News, 4/30/2019]

Or You Could Just Walk

Officials in the southern Spanish town of Estepona were forced to close a 125-foot steel slide linking two streets to save folks from a 10-minute walk when people suffered injuries riding down it, Sky News reported on May 13. One woman posted photos of her bruised and scraped elbows, saying her rear end suffered worse. The town council argued that it provides instructions about how to safely use the slide, but closed the conveyance for fresh safety inspections. Local residents said the 28,000-euro slide was a "vanity project" for the mayor. [Sky News, 5/13/2019]

Ewwwww!

Students in a "Global Gourmet" class at Hyatts Middle School in Powell, Ohio, may have taken things a bit too far on May 16 when they allegedly served crepes laced with urine and semen to teachers who were judging a cooking competition. WBNS reported that the Delaware County Sheriff's Office learned of a video circulating among students purported to show the prank being cooked up and opened an investigation, including lab testing of the food. Charges could include felony assault. Brad Koffel, an attorney representing one of the suspects, cautioned that "we don't know if urine or semen was ever placed in anyone's food. ... (It) easily could have been a prank that may have been mocked up for the purposes of creating a video." [WBNS, 5/20/2019]

Wait, What?

Michael and Kyle Sherwood, father-and-son funeral directors in Cleveland, Ohio, have opened a niche business: Save My Ink Forever, which preserves the tattoos of people who have died as a memorial for their loved ones. The idea for the 2-year-old company came about after a "semi-serious" discussion with a friend about preserving tattoos, according to BBC News. "So we started doing some research and blended a few techniques together," Kyle Sherwood said, to develop a technique for long-term preservation of excised skin art. The company works with funeral homes in the United States, U.K. and Canada, where the tattoos are surgically removed, then sent to a lab for preservation before being mounted and framed behind UV-protected glass. "People put urns on their mantel and to me, my tattoos are more meaningful than an urn on the mantel," Sherwood said. [BBC News, 5/3/2019]

Crime Report

A 40th birthday outing ended on a sour note for Neil Edwards-Cecil, the birthday boy, and Lee Gaudoin, 31. According to Metro News, after a few drinks, the two stopped for a cheeseburger on April 27 at McDonald's in Chester, England, where they found a duck walking around the restaurant. Kindly, the men helped the bird find its way out of the building, but they somehow ended up arguing over it, which escalated into a brawl. When officers arrived, Gaudoin lunged at one of them, shouting about how he had saved a duck. Edwards-Cecil tried to jump in and help Gaudoin, only to be pepper-sprayed. Both men were arrested and later admitted to being intoxicated and resisting a constable. "I am ashamed for the way I have acted," Edwards-Cecil told the court. [Metro News, 5/20/2019]

Florida

Natasha Ethel Bagley, 42, was arrested on May 28 in connection with an April 2 incident at a Miami Burger King, according to WTVJ. The arrest report stated that Bagley and 27-year-old Genesis Peguero demanded free french fries in the restaurant's drive-thru. When a restaurant employee refused their request, they parked the car and entered the store, where Peguero hopped over the counter and, with her hands in her pockets suggesting she had a gun, demanded all the contents of the cash register. After the manager tried to call police, Peguero punched her in the face, the report said, and Bagley piled on to further assault the woman. The two then drove away after destroying two registers on their way out. Bagley was held without bond; Peguero remains at large. [WTVJ, 5/28/2019]

Jennifer G. Hernandez, 58, is nothing if not persistent. On April 22, Hernandez walked through the vehicle gate at CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia, where she was stopped by a police officer. She explained that she had an interview in the complex, but the officer discovered she had no official business there and told her to leave. On May 1, Military Times reported, Hernandez returned, this time in a Lyft vehicle, again asking to see her recruiter. She was issued a written warning and directed to leave. On May 2, she was back (in an Uber this time), telling officers she returned because the recruiter's "phone was off." On that day, officers inadvertently kept her North Carolina ID card, so on May 3, she came back to pick it up, and also asked if she could speak to "Agent Penis." Promising to leave by bus, Hernandez ultimately refused, telling an officer, "Do you really think I'm going to leave?" And that's when they'd had enough. Hernandez was arrested and charged with trespassing. [Military Times, 5/8/2019]

The Continuing Crisis

An employee of Candyland Park in Longwood, Florida, was surprised on the evening of May 12 when he spotted a man shooting hoops without a stitch of clothing on. Police responded to the 911 call and found Jordon Anderson, 29, who said he was working on his game and "feels playing naked enhances his skill level," according to The Smoking Gun. Officers asked Anderson to put his clothes back on, which he did, but he was still charged with indecent exposure. [The Smoking Gun, 5/13/2019]

Unconventional Weapons

-- We don't know what brought 29-year-old Coffii Castellion of Largo, Florida, to the Mease Dunedin Hospital emergency room on May 13, but we know where she went afterward: the Pinellas County jail. According to The Smoking Gun, Castellion first caused a stir when she nicked seven bathing cloths and 10 pairs of hospital slippers, valued at a combined $10.79, earning her a felony charge because of her two previous theft convictions. But her most grievous crime that evening was "taking a (used) feminine pad from underneath her pants" and throwing it at a health care provider, striking her in the stomach. For that, Castellion was charged with battery and held on $7,000 bond. [The Smoking Gun, 5/15/2019]

-- Shonta Bolds, 36, was arrested on May 11 and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after she threw a coconut at a man who was sitting on the porch of the VIP Gentleman's Club in Key West, Florida. The man had started filming Bolds, which upset her, leading her to yell at him and call him names. Fox News reported that Bolds admitted to throwing the coconut but noted "it did not hit him." Police explained to Bolds that since she was outside of the club, she could have no expectation of privacy. [Fox News, 5/15/2019]

A Birthday Girl Scorned

Georgia Michelle Zowacki of West Newton Borough, Pennsylvania, celebrated her 55th birthday on May 15 by drinking vodka all day, according to her boyfriend, David Rae. They also went out to dinner to mark the occasion, but after they returned home, Zowacki became angry that there were no gifts or cards or a cake. "Next thing you know, I'm getting stabbed," Rae told KDKA. He told Westmoreland County Police Zowacki came at him with a box cutter: "She went to my neck, she says, 'I'm going to kill you.'" She ended up cutting his arm. Then she "destroyed" his bedroom, throwing his TV to the floor and breaking his bed. She was charged with aggravated assault and spent the rest of her birthday in jail. [KDKA, 5/16/2019]

Fine Points of the Law

In December, three dancers at the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence, Rhode Island, were arrested after allegedly offering sex in exchange for money. On May 15, the last of those dancers to appear in court, Lindsay Hoffmann, 30, was cleared on those charges. It all came down to one word: "anything." Officer Sean Lafferty, an undercover investigator at the club that night, testified that Hoffmann approached him and told him that for $300, he could get anything he wanted in a downstairs VIP room, reported the Providence Journal. Lafferty believed her offer was of a sexual nature, but Judge Melissa DuBose said "anything" could have meant, well, anything. "You could ask 50 people... and it would be a range from really freaky stuff to stuff that would be completely benign," she said. Lafferty admitted that Hoffmann did not explicitly offer sex, even during a $160 nude lap dance. Hoffmann declined to comment. [Providence Journal, 5/15/2019]

Precocious

A preschool student at St. Cyprian Children's Center in Philadelphia arrived at school on May 14 with a little something extra in his pocket: a baggie containing 22 purple plastic bags of crack cocaine. Fox29 News reported that a teacher's aide noticed the bulge in the 5-year-old's pocket and asked him to take the item out. He told her the person who had handed him the bag had asked him to hide it. Philadelphia police are investigating. [Fox29, 5/15/2019]

Unclear on the Concept

-- Jesse Barner-Walton, 39, of Webster, Massachusetts, got a free ride from police after refusing to leave the Cadillac Ranch bar in Southington, Connecticut, on May 5. But as he sat in the back seat, he repeatedly called 911, according to WTIC. Finally the officers pulled over to make him stop, but he became uncooperative when officers tried to put handcuffs on. Barner-Walton was charged with misuse of the 911 system and interfering with an officer. [WTIC, 5/14/2019]

-- Leonard Olsen, 70, was arrested in Lakeland, Florida, on May 10 for reckless driving after an off-duty sheriff's deputy filmed him sitting on his sunroof while his Cadillac motored down the road at about 40 mph. When Florida Highway Patrol troopers asked him about riding on his sunroof, Olsen said he "didn't know about that" but later admitted that the car was on cruise control. "The car drives itself and has a gigantic computer in it," he said, according to WTSP. "I thought it would be a nice way to praise God for a minute ... and that's what I did." After his arrest, Olsen told officers he would rather be taken to jail than back to his wife, who "treats (him) like a servant." [WTSP, 5/11/2019]

What's in a Name?

Dog owners in China are advised to take great care when naming their pets, as was demonstrated by the case of a man from Anhui Province. The man, a dog breeder named Ban, was summoned by police on May 13 after posting on social media that he had two new dogs named Chengguan and Xieguan -- titles given to law enforcement personnel dealing with petty crimes and traffic issues, the BBC reports. He was sentenced to 10 days in a detention center in Xiangyang. One police officer said Ban had "caused great harm to the nation and the city's urban management, in terms of their feelings." For his part, Ban said he "didn't know this was illegal." [BBC, 5/14/2019]