Poor Crumbs. The now-famous corpulent cat, named for his ability to eat, was found in early September in the basement of a hospital in Perm, Russia, the New York Post reported, where the staff had given him a steady diet of cookies and soup. When he was discovered, he weighed more than 37 pounds -- about three times the average size for a cat -- and was unable to support his weight to walk. Crumbs (or Kroshik, in Russian) was moved to the Matroskin Shelter, where workers put him on a strict diet and exercise regimen -- apparently not his cup of tea, as he tried to escape on Sept. 11. Rehab expert Ekaterina Bedakova said Crumbs was "extremely displeased" when, during his escape attempt, he got himself stuck in a shoe rack and couldn't get out. But she was enthused about his effort because it demonstrated that he's a "very active guy." [NY Post, 9/13/2024]

Precocious

A family in Bedford, Ohio, reported their Nissan Rogue and their 8-year-old daughter missing around 9 a.m. on Sept. 15, the Associated Press reported. Police learned that witnesses had seen a small child driving nearby, but it wasn't until they checked the parking lot at Target, about 13 miles away, that they discovered the car. The girl was inside the store; she told officers that she had hit a mailbox during her journey, but otherwise it went fine. Authorities were weighing whether any charges would be filed. [AP, 9/16/2024]

News You Can Use

-- In Japan, the number of people aged 100 or older has hit a new record -- 95,119, AFP reported on Sept. 17. Most of the centenarians are women, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications noted. The world's oldest person, Tomiko Itooka of western Japan, is 116. Japan's oldest man, Kiyotaka Mizuno, 110, told local media that he has "no idea at all about what's the secret to my long life." [AFP, 9/17/2024]

-- About 40 feet off the coast of Miami Beach, the world's first underwater cemetery is already home to about 1,500 "placements," ClickOrlando reported on Sept. 17. The Neptune Memorial Reef's community resource director, Michael Tabers, said the area had already been designated for an artificial reef when "a group of businessmen in the area ... had the idea." The reef was built "from an artist conception of the Lost City of Atlantis"; customers' cremains are mixed with water and then formed into road columns, archways or depictions of local sea life, such as starfish or seashells. Then the coral grows around them. "We have sea turtle placements; those are some of our more popular ones," Taber said. The reef has already been extended once, but when it fills up, "we will launch the next phase," he said. Coral reef conservation activists are thrilled; the reef provides hard surfaces that help coral to thrive. And loved ones can also dive to visit their family members' resting places. [ClickOrlando, 9/17/2024]

Police Report

Javaughn J. Owens, 23, was charged with first-degree attempted murder after he got into a dispute over a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on Sept. 15, the DeKalb County Daily Chronicle reported. A witness told DeKalb police that Owens and another man argued about the victim "not cleaning up after themselves," whereupon Owens swung a butter knife and struck the other man. The victim was seen at a local hospital but had to be transported to Chicago for further treatment of a punctured intestine. He said he believed "100%" that Owens would kill him. Owens faces up to 60 years in prison. [Daily Chronicle, 9/17/2024]

Inexplicable

Beaches along the Atlantic Ocean in Delaware, Maryland and Virginia were closed to swimmers by authorities on Sept. 15 after mysterious medical waste started washing up, The New York Times reported. The trash included syringes and needles, used feminine hygiene products and plastic cigar tips. "We currently have no idea where it came from and will not be speculating about a source," said the National Park Service office at Assateague Island National Seashore. They were unsure how long beaches would remain closed. "We recommend wearing shoes on the beach and avoiding the ocean entirely," warned Joe Theobald, director of Emergency Services in Ocean City, Maryland. [NY Times, 9/17/2024]

Saw That Coming

Norton Havoc, 32, can now "smell colors," they said, after blowing their nose in the shower and dislodging a Lego block that had been stuck inside for "at least 26 years," the New York Post reported. Havoc posted that they suffered from "multiple breathing issues" after the childhood incident; at the time, their mom tried to extricate the piece with tweezers, to no avail. "I can breathe out of this side of my nose now, and it's fantastic," Havoc said. [NY Post, 9/14/2024]

The Way the World Works

Vacaville, California, resident Ken Wilson is VERY careful about his consumption of electricity. "I was being very vigilant on this," he told KMAX-TV. "Every day that I go to work, I turn the breakers off." He also purchased a device that tells him how many watts of energy his appliances use. But recently he noticed that his bill was higher than normal. Wilson has lived in an apartment, unit 91 of his building, for 18 years. After Wilson called PG&E to come out and check his meter on Sept. 10, he discovered he's been paying for unit 90's electricity usage for years. PG&E admitted the mix-up and said it is "fully committed to rectifying the situation." Wilson said he hopes the story can help others with similar problems. [KMAX, 9/16/2024]

Politics, Am I Right?

As candidates for mayor in Sao Paulo, Brazil, took to the stage for a televised debate on Sept. 15, Pablo Marcal referred to allegations of sexual misconduct against his rival, Jose Luiz Datena, the Associated Press reported. In response, Datena picked up a metal chair and approached Marcal's podium, then slammed the chair into Marcal's side. The moderator cut to commercials, and later the debate resumed without Marcal, who was rushed to a hospital with a fractured rib cage. Marcal portrayed the event as "attempted homicide," while Datena admitted his mistake but said he didn't regret it "at all." [AP, 9/16/2024]

Explosive!

Magnet fisher and YouTuber Dani Dip pulled a provocative find out of the Saint Joseph River in South Bend, Indiana, on Sept. 1, ABC57-TV reported. "We believe this is a 175mm Howitzer round from like a stationary cannon back in the day," Dip said. "It took four people to pull this big 2-foot round over the wall to safety so it wouldn't fall back in and potentially go off." The South Bend Police Department said further testing would be necessary to make sure the charge is not live. "We're just here to help and clean out the river and see what we can find," Dip said. [ABC57, 9/3/2024]

Least Competent Criminal

When 33-year-old Ravesh Rabindranauth attempted to steal a Corvette in a Miami Beach, Florida, parking garage on Sept. 17, he encountered a little trouble, Local10-TV reported. He got stuck inside the car, which is where its owner, Julio Solano, found him. "Can I get out?" Rabindranauth asked Solano as Solano recorded the incident on his phone. "No, you can't get out. We're calling the police." Solano said the car's security system wouldn't allow the thief to start the car or escape. "He didn't know about the manual door release under the seat," Solano said. Rabindranauth was held at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center on $2,500 bond. [Local10, 9/18/2024]

When Las Vegas police responded to a call in the wee hours of Aug. 27 about someone lying face-down on the ground outside a funeral home, they might not have expected the most obvious explanation: They found a dead body amid the landscaping, with a casket nearby on a rolling cart. KTLA-TV reported that a door to the funeral home was open, and flower petals were scattered on the floor leading out of the door. Investigators learned that the body was that of a person who had been the subject of a viewing the previous day, and surveillance video showed a woman breaking in and moving the casket outside. Police arrested Patricia Sierra, 47, the next day and charged her with grand larceny, burglary and disturbing human remains; she couldn’t explain her actions, she said, because she had consumed six beers and blacked out. Sierra remained in jail on $11,000 bond. [KTLA, 9/5/2024]

The Passing Parade

On Sept. 10, as Delta Flight 295 taxied toward takeoff at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, the Airbus A350 headed for Tokyo clipped the tail off a smaller plane, the Associated Press reported. No one was injured on either aircraft, but passengers had to deplane and be rebooked on later flights. Jason Adams, who was aboard the regional jet headed to Louisiana, posted to X about the collision: “Well that was terrifying. ... Very jarring, metal scraping sounds then loud bangs. We’re fine. No fire or smoke,” he wrote. [AP, 9/10/2024]

Ewwwww!

-- How else do you celebrate Labor Day in Michigan than participating in a ranch dressing chugging contest? Fox17-TV reported that Zach Orvis of Belding, Michigan, won the first-ever competition at The Harmful Roester restaurant by downing 24 ounces of the creamy delight in 10 seconds, beating 11 other contestants. "I've seen people pour about that much on their salads, so what's the difference?" Orvis said. "I don't feel sick at all." Orvis won a $100 gift card and a free order of all-you-can-eat wings every week until spring 2025. [Fox17, 9/1/2024]

-- People in the Netherlands spend more than 900 million euros on drugs each year. How do we know this? KWR, the research institute for drinking water businesses, analyzed sewage samples. NL Times reported that the researchers looked for residue of cocaine, speed and ecstasy between 2015 and 2022 in Dutch sewage treatment plants. "We are assuming a fairly conservative estimate," KWR researcher Thomas ter Laak said. "This provides insight into the size and consumers of the Dutch illegal drug market." [NL Times, 9/12/2024]

Nine Lives

Nicci Knight of Newby, North Yorkshire, England, was enjoying a vacation in Turkey when her neighbors let her know they had found her cat, Ted, drowned in their pond. "I had to break the news to my husband and our four children, and we were all absolutely devastated," Knight said. The BBC reported on Sept. 6 that Knight arranged for her pet to be cremated and went on with the holiday. But four days later, her cat sitter, who had been looking after the family's other cat, called her and said Ted had just walked through the cat flap on the door. Knight realized she had "paid 130 pounds to cremate someone else's cat." After returning home, she collected the cremains, which had been labeled "Not Dead Ted." The family has not been able to trace the owner of the drowned cat; they believe it was probably a stray. [BBC, 9/6/2024]

Overreaction

A man suffered two brain bleeds, multiple skull fractures and multiple facial bone fractures, Las Vegas police said, after a convenience store clerk beat him with a bat for taking too much nacho cheese sauce. On Sept. 3, KSNV-TV reported, officers were called to the store where the man was lying on the ground and bleeding. The person who called 911 asked the clerk, Myron Bullie, to call for help, but he responded, "I'm not going to call 911. He better have learned a lesson." Bullie told police he had warned the victim about taking too much cheese, but the victim said he wasn't leaving without it. Bullie is being held on $10,000 bond at the Clark County Detention Center. [KSNV, 9/9/2024]

Great Art

The Museum of European and Mediterranean Civilizations in Marseilles, France, is offering special visiting hours to naturists -- people who shun clothing -- until Dec. 9, Canoe reported on Sept. 2. Nude patrons will be welcome one evening a month to see the exhibition "Naturist Paradises," which is described as a "journey of discovery of the very first naturist communities, first in Germany and Switzerland, then in France," according to the museum. Although nudity is welcome, the museum will require visitors to wear shoes "to avoid getting splinters," an official said. [Canoe, 9/2/2024]

Wait, What?

Earlier this year, social media star and model Suellen Carey, who lives in the United Kingdom, shared her wedding with her many followers, the Daily Star reported on Sept. 12. The ceremony was unconventional, as Carey married ... herself. She called her lifestyle "sologamy" -- or she did, until she recently divorced herself, even after several rounds of couples therapy. "It's crucial to know when to end a cycle," Carey posted. "Even commitment to oneself can have its challenges, such as dealing with the expectation of being perfect for yourself all the time." She said she felt lonely in her self-marriage and her own company was "exhausting." We can only imagine. [Daily Star, 9/12/2024]

Irony

While Britain's Policing Minister Dame Diana Johnson was addressing senior police officers on Sept. 10 about an "epidemic of antisocial behavior, theft and shoplifting," someone lifted her purse from the hotel where she was speaking, the BBC reported. A member of the Home Office staff also had belongings stolen. Warwickshire Police said they had arrested a 56-year-old man from Coventry in connection with the burglaries; he was released on bail. [BBC, 9/12/2024]

Police Report

Plaintiffs known only as "John and Jane Doe" have filed a $25,000 lawsuit in Florissant, Missouri, against the City of Florissant and an unknown police officer called "Joe Smith." The Does say Smith is "a sexual voyeur and predator of the worst kind," KMOV-TV reported on Sept. 11. According to the suit, Jane Doe was pulled over in February for a broken taillight. The officer asked if she had insurance and directed her to pull up proof on her phone and show it to him. At that point, he took her phone back to his cruiser, turned off the Bluetooth linked to her car, and didn't come back for 10 minutes. He didn't give her a ticket, but, she alleges, he scrolled through her photos and found intimate images that she had shared only with her husband. Jane Doe found out about his snooping when the FBI contacted her in July to ask that she identify a photo of herself that had been enlarged and printed. Agents said it was not the only photo of her that they found in the officer's possession. Jane Doe said she has been disturbed and has suffered humiliation, emotional distress and mistrust. The Florissant Police Department said in a statement that the officer is no longer employed there, and no other officers were involved. [KMOV, 9/11/2024]

Picture it: a curious young boy at a museum. An ancient artifact unprotected by glass. Bet you can’t guess what happened next. On Aug. 23, reports CNN, a 4-year-old boy visited the Hecht Museum in Haifa, Israel, with his parents. According to the child’s father, the boy noticed a large ceramic container and “pulled the jar slightly,” wanting to see what was inside -- accidentally smashing the 3,500-year-old relic in the process. Museum officials were unfazed: “We are appealing to parents: Don’t be afraid. Things like this happen,” said museum head Inbal Rivin. “We will fix (the jar) and put it back.” The Hecht Museum displays some items without protective cases, a nod to founder Reuben Hecht’s belief in allowing the public to experience archaeological finds with as few barriers as possible. The jar dates to between 2200 B.C. and 1500 B.C., and was likely used for storing and transporting liquid goods such as wine or oil. Finding an intact vessel was something of a rarity, and restoration efforts are already underway. [CNN, 8/28/2024]

Book Lover Booked

A 71-year-old flat owner in Rome woke one night to find a burglar in his residence ... reading a book about the Iliad. The BBC reported on Aug. 24 that the would-be burglar claims he broke into the building to visit someone else and simply found himself in the wrong unit. Spotting Giovanni Nucci’s book “The Gods at Six O’Clock,” a retelling of The Iliad from a divine perspective, the 38-year-old settled in for story time. When the homeowner awoke and confronted him, the thief attempted to get away via the balcony, but was soon arrested. News of the bookworm burglar made its way to the author, who said he'd like to give the criminal a copy: "... he'll have been arrested halfway through reading it. I'd like him to be able to finish it.” Nucci added that his favorite deity is Hermes, the god of thieves -- and of literature. [BBC, 8/24/2024]

Better Late Than Never

The U.K.-based Royal Mail service delivered a postcard to the Swansea Building Society in Wales -- a mere 121 years after it was posted. The BBC reported on Aug. 21 that the Christmas-themed postcard was addressed to "Miss Lydia Davies" and signed by “Ewart.” Among other lines, Ewart apologizes for not picking up a “pair” of an unknown item: “I am so sorry, but I hope you are enjoying yourself at home.” The postcard made waves online after Henry Darby, the Swansea Building Society's marketing and communications officer, found it when sorting through the post. Unable to find any information about Lydia, he took to social media for help. West Glamorgan Archives confirmed that a John Davies once lived at the address in question with his wife, Maria, and six children -- including Lydia, who would have been 16 when the postcard was sent. [BBC, 8/21/2024]

Unclear on the Concept

A groundhog made headlines In Hollidaysburg, Pennylvania, about an hour from Punxsutawney -- but not for predicting the weather. Fun-seekers playing the claw machine at a local arcade realized that one of the “stuffed animals” was blinking back at them, reported the Associated Press on Aug. 14. Manager Lynn Castle of The Meadows frozen custard and mini-golf isn’t sure how the critter got in, but said it almost took an army to release the rodent. Employees contacted the machine’s owners, who passed the buck to the police department, who called in the Pennsylvania Game Commission. Game wardens were able to open the machine and set the rodent, dubbed Colonel Custard, free in a nearby field. Castle and The Meadows wasted no time capitalizing on the incident, making T-shirts that said “Respect the Groundhog” and naming a frozen treat flavor after their furry visitor. “It’s a good story that ended well,” Castle said. “He got set free. No one got bit.” [Associated Press, 8/14/2024]

U R in Trouble

Some people yell, throw things or shut down when they get mad. Not Dr. Giovanni Baula. According to court records in St. Petersburg, Florida, on two separate occasions, the good doctor expressed his ire with Dr. Dylan Dinesh by dousing the latter’s office doors in gallons of fluid that smelled suspiciously like urine. As The Smoking Gun reports, court documents say the liquid “soaked into the front wooden doors, causing irreparable damage.” Dinesh’s practice suffered $6,000 worth of losses, in addition to the $1,500 to replace the doors. Baula was arrested and charged with a felony count of criminal mischief, but released after paying a $5,000 bond. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Baula doesn’t exactly have a clean rap sheet. In 2003, he was fined $10,000 and reprimanded by the Board of Medicine for a number of standard-of-care violations, including improperly prescribing medication for a telehealth client that he never physically examined. His medical license expires in January 2025. [The Smoking Gun, 8/28/2024]

Is Nowhere Sacred?

Thanat Thangtewanon of Thailand recently had a bathroom break that was, well, nuts. India's Deccan Herald reported that on Aug. 22, what started as a routine trip to the washroom ended with Thangtewanon killing the python that had bitten his testicles. "I felt something biting my balls, which was very painful, so I put my hands in," he said. After whacking the reptile on the head with a toilet brush until it died and released its grip, Thangtewanon headed to the hospital for a tetanus shot. Doctors assured him that his injury wasn’t too deep, and that no stitches would be required. Perhaps he should count himself lucky, all things considered -- pythons are known for suffocating and squeezing their prey to death! [Deccan Herald, 8/22/2024]

Party Hearty

On Aug. 28 in Almhult, Sweden -- the site of the first IKEA store -- 2,052 of the furniture giant's employees donned two-piece pajamas and set a Guinness World Record for "the largest-ever gathering of people wearing two-piece pajamas in a single venue" ... or, you know, the world's largest pajama party. The matching pjs featured images of lingonberry jam and gravy, an homage to the store’s iconic Swedish meatballs. The party was scheduled to align with IKEA’s new yearlong initiative to “innovate a range of sleep products to improve every aspect of home that supports better rest,” according to a company statement. [IKEA, 8/28/2024]

Take It Down the Road

One surefire way to go viral online? Call out Wendy’s. Tired of customers complaining about long waiting times, The Myrtle Beach Sun News reported that Patti Childers, owner of the Salt Water Grille in Longs, South Carolina, posted a sign on the restaurant door that said: “Other than the buffet -- our food is cooked to order. If you are in a hurry, Wendy’s is right down the road or come another time. Everybody in Horry County cannot eat between 5-8 on Friday night. Please don’t expect speedy service during those hours.” The sign went viral after being picked up and posted by a Facebook page called Bitchy Waiters. “It was more or less a joke,” Childers said. [Sun News, 8/29/2024]

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Amy Slaton, 36 -- best known for starring on TLC’s “1000-Lb Sisters” alongside her sister, Tammy -- was arrested on Labor Day on charges of drug possession and child endangerment, after an incident at the Alamo safari park in Tennessee. Police were responding to reports that a guest had been bitten by a camel, but they noticed “suspicious odors” coming from Slaton's vehicle, leading to the arrest. The Daily Mail reported that Slaton has lost 176 pounds since she had weight-loss surgery five years ago. [NY Times, 8/26/2024]

The Solution Became the Problem

On Sept. 3, the Kyodo News reported that a decades-long effort to eradicate mongoose from Amami-Oshima Island in Kagoshima Prefecture has been declared a success by Japan's Environment Ministry. One minor detail: The mongooses (mongeese?) were not native to the island -- they had, in fact, been introduced on the island in 1979, when about 30 mongooses were imported to eradicate the habu, a species of venomous viper. One problem: The mongooses are active during the daytime, while the snakes they were supposed to cull are nocturnal. So rather than doing the one job they were hired for, the mongooses, whose numbers swelled to around 10,0000 by the turn of the century, played havoc on the rabbit population and destroyed crops and native fauna. The eradication effort included the placement of 30,000 traps and even a mongoose-sniffing dog. "This is an achievement that could contribute to the preservation of rare species and the natural heritage," Environment Minister Shintaro Ito said. [Kyodo News, 9/3/2024]

Malpractice

William Bryan, 70, died during a splenectomy at Ascension Sacred Heart Emerald Coast Hospital in Walton County, Alabama, on Aug. 21. But USA Today reports that Bryan's family has filed a lawsuit against the hospital, alleging that surgeon Thomas Shaknovsky, who was supposed to remove Bryan's spleen, removed his liver instead, causing massive blood loss and killing Bryan. After the fatal procedure, a pathologist identified tissue from the removed organ, which had been labeled "spleen," was actually liver tissue, and an autopsy on Bryan confirmed that his spleen was still in his body. "We take allegations like this very seriously," said a statement from Ascension emailed to USA Today, "and our leadership team is performing a thorough investigation into this event." [NBC News, 8/27/2024]