Q: I worked at the same job for 23 years, and was just recently laid off. It's been so long since I've had to "market" myself, I don't even know where to begin.

Jim: I'm sorry to learn about your unemployment. This is a reality facing more and more Americans.

Greg Pepe and Jim Vigorito, members of the team here at Focus on the Family, have addressed the challenges inherent to a job search. They write: "There's no sugarcoating it -- looking for a job can be one of the most challenging experiences you'll ever endure. It demands mental discipline, emotional resilience and even physical stamina. You'll have days when you are feeling encouraged and hopeful; you'll also have times when you think it's impossible even to get an interview."

But there is hope! For example, Greg and Jim recommend that job seekers ask for feedback about their skills, talents and gifts. You've probably gained unique abilities during your 23 years of employment. Don't be afraid to seek assistance in putting an impressive-looking resume together.

Greg and Jim also suggest doing some active networking. When you were last in the job market, tools such as LinkedIn, Facebook and Monster.com didn't even exist. It might be tough for someone who hasn't kept up with the latest technology, but using these tools to connect with other people in your field can be invaluable.

Other practical suggestions include making yourself open to temporary assignments until a full-time job comes along; becoming as knowledgeable as you can about a potential employer before an interview takes place; and perhaps most importantly, being yourself and maintaining a positive attitude throughout the job search process.

For Greg and Jim's full list of recommendations for job seekers, visit focusonthefamily.com. Best wishes to you in your search!

Juli: Obsessive gaming and computer use is quickly becoming a common marriage-killer. Although it doesn't appear to be as sinister as porn or gambling, it's a legitimate problem.

Guys get pulled into obsessive gaming because it provides an escape from the stress of real life. Like going to a movie or watching TV, gaming in moderation is a fun form of entertainment and temporary escape. However, it becomes an addiction when it's used to "self-medicate" or to tune out of life. Video games provide a virtual reality that is far more exciting than real life. A 120-pound guy who works in tech support during the day can be a conquering super-stud in the virtual world. Where real life seems mundane and depressing, video games provide endless frontiers to explore and "do-overs" when you fail.

I would start with a serious conversation with your husband about your concerns. Don't just nag him when you see him playing or yell at him when he's not helping out with the boys. Set aside a time to talk about it when there are no distractions. Tell him that you care about him, about your kids and about your marriage. Ask him to agree to some parameters to his computer use and to commit to investing more in the family.

If he doesn't agree, you need to involve a third party. Ask him to meet with a counselor or an older couple to help you work through the disagreement. If he won't see someone, you should meet with a counselor to determine how you should respond.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: Valentine's Day was a lot of fun when I was a kid. But that was a more innocent time. I'd like my child to have the same experience, but I don't want to reinforce our culture's misguided ideas about romance. What can I do?

Jim: In December I encouraged parents to diffuse the materialism of Christmas by teaching their kids about the historical St. Nicholas. And I'm pleased to report that history can also be your ally when it comes to Valentine's Day!

According to Catholic Online, the original St. Valentine, Valentinus, lived during the reign of Emperor Claudius II at a time when the Roman army was involved in many bloody and unpopular military campaigns. Claudius was having difficulty recruiting soldiers, and he believed the reason was that men did not want to leave their lovers or families. As a result, he cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. Valentinus was a Christian priest who performed secret marriages in defiance of the emperor's decree. As a result, he was apprehended and condemned to death, suffering martyrdom on Feb. 14, around the year 270 (www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=159).

While there is certainly something "romantic" about this story, it is not the self-centered, boyfriend- or girlfriend-obsessed brand of romance that we associate with the modern observance of St. Valentine's Day. Valentinus' life exemplified a very different set of values, namely selflessness and sacrifice. And those are character traits that are certainly worth encouraging in your child.

With that in mind, you might also consider a few other activities to help your child maintain a healthy perspective on Valentine's Day. For example, list a few characteristics that distinguish true love from mere infatuation. Place the lists side by side and have your child decide which set of qualities he or she most wants to characterize his or her life. Or, sit down and talk with your child about a romantic movie or TV show. Are the characters demonstrating infatuation or real love? Shallow feelings or genuine intimacy?

With a little guidance and creativity from you, Valentine's Day can be both fun and educational for your kids. Supplementing your discussion with chocolate wouldn't hurt, either!

Q: My mother-in-law is extremely controlling and critical of my parenting. My husband seems oblivious to how much stress she causes me. How should I handle this?

Juli: One reason why "in-law tension" can be so difficult is because it is not primarily your relationship. Anything you do or say will impact your mother-in-law's relationship with your husband, so you probably feel like you are between a rock and a hard place.

I would first encourage you to view this as a marriage issue. You and your husband must decide together how you want to interact with his mother. How often should she come over? What comments will you tolerate? How will you respond if she is critical? Your question implies that you and your husband disagree about how you would answer these questions. Because your husband probably doesn't recognize how controlling and critical his mother is of you, you may need to meet with a third party (such as a counselor or mentor) to talk this through.

I would also encourage you to consider why your mother-in-law acts the way she does. Her controlling and critical behavior is most likely a reaction to her fears and insecurities. Perhaps she views you as a threat to her relationship with her son. Or she may even be reacting to her own parenting failures. Remembering this may help you to respond with empathy rather than anger.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: How do I deal with my wife's continuing relationships with her ex-boyfriends? We have been married two years and she still likes to communicate with them. I trust my wife, but I don't understand why she feels the need to keep reaching out to them.

Juli: I think you are right to be concerned about this, even if you trust your wife. A person's friendships with the opposite sex need to change after marriage. This is particularly true with ex-boyfriends or girlfriends. Even if the relationships are strictly platonic, they present the potential for a romantic relationship in the future. When you go through difficulty in your marriage, it will be too easy for your wife to confide in another man.

While your wife needs the support and companionship of close female friends, her friendships with men need to be more superficial and distant. Unfortunately, that is not a popular thing to say today. But guarding a marriage means protecting it from the potential of competing intimate relationships.

I would ask your wife why she continues to communicate with her former boyfriends. Explain to her that it is important for you to be the one man she confides in. Tell her that this isn't about trust. It's about being her one and only.

Q: My wife and I have been married for less than a year, and I was just diagnosed with cancer. Even more than my own health, I'm worried about what this means for our marriage. My wife didn't sign up for this, and frankly, neither did I.

Jim: I'm very sorry to learn of your diagnosis. Cancer is not an easy thing for any family, let alone newlyweds who are just beginning their journey together. Like most couples, when you pledged to love "in sickness and in health," you were likely only thinking about the flu or the occasional broken bone. This diagnosis has cast a cloud over all of that.

Author Erin Prater has developed a list of tips for dealing with a serious diagnosis as a couple. I hope you and your wife will take it to heart as you look to what lies ahead:

1) Accept offers of help. If you're involved with a church or a close group of friends, you'll likely receive more assistance than you know what to do with. This will allow you to focus on healing and coping as a couple.

2) Find a support group. Contact your doctor's office or church for referrals.

3) Find a good counselor. A certified family counselor can help you navigate the emotions associated with this time. Contact Focus on the Family for a local referral.

4) Continue to make intimacy a priority. Sex is one of the greatest tangible bonds between a married couple. If it's still possible, make it happen.

5) Reach outside yourself. You and your spouse may start to spiritually and emotionally "drown" in hopelessness if you constantly focus on your situation. Find ways to help others in need.

6) Realize it's OK to question God. Present Him with your questions and uncertainties.

7) Reflect. Journal your thoughts, feelings and reflections. Then share them with your spouse.

8) Refuse to be owned by your condition. Life, no matter how painful or confusing, is precious and worth living. Do your best to make lemonade out of lemons.

The road before you may be rough, but the strongest marriages are founded on trials such as the one you're facing. May God grant you and your wife strength as you weather this storm together!

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)