Q: I don't like the way my son and his wife are raising their kids. I don't want to interfere, but shouldn't I have a say in what's good for my own grandchildren?

Juli: There is an excellent chance that your son and daughter-in-law know that you have some concerns about how they're raising your grandkids. Young parents harbor a lot of doubts of their own and quickly pick up the vibe when a close friend or relative disapproves of their parenting. Your son and his wife are likely to be more defensive and withdrawn from you the more they pick up on your concerns.

Whether or not you realize it, you potentially have a fair amount of influence in their parenting. They may even welcome your perspective and opinion -- but only if they first feel safe with you.

Influence is a tricky thing. When you overreach with it, you lose it. A lot of parents and in-laws are too forceful with their opinions and unsolicited advice. This causes a young couple to distance themselves in order to ward off potential criticism.

Your greatest influence is your presence with your son, his wife and children. Even if you never mention your concerns or offer advice, the way you carry yourself, show unconditional love, and how you model your character will leave a tremendous impression.

My encouragement to you is to build a trusting relationship, particularly with your daughter-in-law. Find ways that you can genuinely compliment her as a wife and mother, remembering that motherhood can, at times, be an exhausting marathon. Show her that you care about her as a person, and as difficult as it may be, let go of your concerns for now.

The day will come when she is desperate for a word of advice or wisdom. She's far more likely to seek you out if you have built a trusting relationship than if she feels threatened by your disapproval.

Q: My family recently joined a church. My elderly father has no use for religion, and he's trying to convince my kids that they're wasting their time. Should I prevent them from seeing their grandpa?

Jim: We'd advise that you set firm boundaries with your father and make it clear that it's your right and responsibility to oversee your children's spiritual growth. He doesn't have to like the fact that they're attending church with you, but he needs to respect your decision.

At the same time, I can empathize with your desire to maintain a good relationship with him, especially for the sake of your kids. Growing up, I didn't have any grandparents. There's evidence my mom and dad may have been part of the witness protection program (no joke!), and so extended family was nonexistent. I would have loved nothing more than to have someone to call "Grandma" and "Grandpa." With that in mind, it would be tragic if you and your kids were to become estranged from your dad over this issue.

The challenge, then, is to arrive at a point of compromise. Make it clear to your dad that you love and respect him, and that you want your kids to be able to spend quality time with their grandpa. But also make it clear that you need to make your own choices as a parent, and that if he has concerns about your family's spiritual path, he should take them up with you, not the kids.

It won't be easy, but with honesty, open communication and respect from both parties, there's no reason your kids can't continue to have a fun and healthy relationship with their grandpa.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: Our son wants to try out for the football team this year, but I'm concerned. He's only a freshman, and we have friends whose sons have sustained fairly serious injuries playing high school football. Should we forbid him from trying out?

Jim: There's no denying football is a rough sport. I should know -- my own high school football career ended with a broken collarbone!

And there's a significant amount of research suggesting that broken bones are just the tip of the iceberg. According to a 2010 New York Times article, football accounts for 22 percent of all concussions among 8- to 19-year-olds. In fact, 27 percent of football players ages 12 through 17 have had a least one concussion.

And the sport only gets more brutal when you move to the college and professional levels. Researchers have identified a serious condition in some NFL players called chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or C.T.E. It can develop after repeated concussions and other trauma, resulting in serious depression and lack of impulse control. This condition may affect college-level players, too.

Despite these alarming facts, I think it could be a mistake to prohibit your son from trying out for the team. Football is a great sport that teaches kids teamwork and helps them get in shape. At this point, the dangers of college and pro football are not a factor regarding your son, and probably never will be.

However, the "win at all costs" mentality that pervades professional sports can trickle down to the high school level as well. You -- and your son -- simply need to be aware of the risks involved. Most injuries will have no long-term impact, so long as they're allowed to heal properly. Talk to the coach, and make sure he doesn't push his players back out on the field too soon after being hurt. Playing while injured isn't just tough -- it's stupid.

Q: I have a 15-year-old daughter who's very artistic and melodramatic. Lately, she's started acting odd -- dressing in black, staying in her room a lot and avoiding the family. Is this normal teenage behavior, or should I be concerned?

Juli: Yes, it's normal teenage behavior, and yes, you should be concerned. The adolescent years often include the behaviors your daughter is exhibiting: mood swings, withdrawal and going through "fads" with music and clothing. Just because these behaviors are normal doesn't mean they shouldn't cause concern.

Teenagers lack both life experience and the ability to think through consequences of their choices. This leaves them vulnerable to high-risk behaviors, including drug and alcohol use, sexual activity and self-injury.

Parents of teens should be especially attentive when they notice drastic changes in behavior. For example, a straight-A student begins neglecting his schoolwork or a social teen suddenly doesn't want to talk to her friends.

While your daughter is pulling away from you, your strategy should be to "lean into" her. It's critical that you work at connecting with her, even if she seems to resist. Find ways to spend time with her, such as running errands or going to the mall. Ask open-ended questions about school, her friends and the music she likes. Is there anything going on in her life -- family conflict, a breakup, or even problems with a bully -- that may be causing her pain above and beyond the normal adolescent experience?

You mentioned that she's artistic. Perhaps her drawings, poetry or other forms of expression can be a window into what she's feeling. While a certain amount of moodiness is normal in teens, if you see consistent themes of despair or thoughts of self-injury or suicide, it's time to contact someone who specializes in teen issues to help your daughter weather the storm.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: This summer our teenager has been spending all of his time with friends, and as a result he's never available to take part in family activities. What should we do?

Jim: Although you're probably disappointed by his unavailability, it's likely not cause for concern. Your son's behavior is part of a normal process that child development experts call "separation and individuation." Between the ages of 6 and 12, a child's need to identify with his peer group starts to take precedence over his sense of identification with family. This continues through the teen years and usually concludes with complete separation and independence between the ages of 18 and 20.

You can make this transition smoother if you keep in mind the following suggestions from Focus on the Family's counseling team, which deals with this question occasionally from parents in your position:

First, as difficult as it sounds, reassess your own motives. Do you have selfish reasons for wanting your child to stay close? Do you have a hidden emotional need that you're expecting him to fulfill? Are you afraid of letting go and seeing him make mistakes on his own? If so, you need to realize that these are your problems, not his.

Next, find a way to embrace and affirm this shift in your son's outlook. Allow for separation while helping him realize that he's wanted at home, too. One way to achieve this might be to host activities for your son's friends. Organize a summer barbecue or allow him to invite some pals on your next family hike. This will provide you with a window into your son's peer group as well as a discreet, relaxed opportunity to chaperone his interaction with friends. While there's certainly a place for family-only activities, there's no reason why you can't devise additional outings of a more inclusive nature.

Q: I have a huge concern about the music my teenager and his friends are listening to. I know when I was a teenager that the music I listened to affected my attitude and heart. How can I help my son understand that music does affect your heart and mind and that there is positive music out there to listen to?

Juli: There are a lot of parenting challenges that have changed over time, but this one has been around for several generations. Teens and their parents have never agreed on music. The stakes seem higher now than when teens were enthralled with the Beatles. The lyrics of today's edgiest music are far more graphic and disturbing, describing violent and sexual acts in detail.

Many American teens have smartphones or iPods that can play music without disturbing Mom and Dad. That's why parents must be proactive to stay in touch with what kind of music their kids are listening to.

To get the point across to your son, here's what I would recommend. Print out the lyrics to the music he is listening to. Then ask him to read them out loud to you. This brings to light the impact of what he is choosing to put in his mind.

The next step really depends on your parenting philosophy and on your teen's age. I would flat out prohibit a young teen from listening to destructive music, but give more freedom for discernment to an older teen who has started making his own choices.

If you need help finding good music and getting another perspective on what your teens are listening to, check out our Plugged In website at www.pluggedin.com.

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)