Q: Our daughter's first semester away at college was an academic disaster. We haven't seen evidence of any other troubling behaviors, so we're not quite sure what to think. Should we threaten to withdraw funding for college?

Jim: Sending a child off to college can be an emotionally difficult event for a family, and when the initial result is disappointing, it's hard not to feel upset. Even the best of students often experience a drop-off in grades during their first year in college. The world of the university is very different from that of high school, and a freshman typically undergoes a certain amount of culture shock. She has to learn her way around a new and confusing campus, and adapt to a strange schedule that involves a great deal more time working outside of class than sitting in a lecture hall.

In your daughter's case, she has to adjust to a new living situation and being responsible for her own eating, sleeping and study habits. It also involves processing a whole host of new friends and acquaintances. On top of everything else, she may suffer from homesickness. Once she's navigated this, she has to find time and energy to devote to physics, English, geography, French and chemistry. It's not an easy assignment.

You should certainly retain the option to defund her education if things don't improve. But for now, I'd encourage you to find out what's going on, what she needs from you, and what will help ease the adjustment process. It's possible that she's longing for some reassurance from you. She may be desperate to know that you have confidence in her and are willing to stand by and support her during this challenging transition. I have a feeling that specific answers will emerge out of your relationship with your daughter. So don't jump to conclusions. Instead, take the time you need to talk things through.

Q: My wife and I are constantly getting in power struggles. How can we get beyond this?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Why do power struggles cause us such trouble? It's simple. In every power struggle, couples see themselves as adversaries. This can be as subtle as insisting on "making a point." The problem is, even if one member of the pair "wins" the point, it means an automatic loss for the relationship. If one person in the marriage "loses," then both persons in the marriage lose. There is no such thing as a win/lose scenario in marriage.

I encourage you to make a commitment to a new way of doing things and to abandon the failed, old model. This begins by establishing what my colleague, Bob Paul, calls a "No Losers Policy." In a No Losers Policy, couples agree that it will never be acceptable, from this point on, for either of them to walk away from any interaction feeling as if they had lost. Each spouse has to feel good about the solution.

Creating a No Losers Policy goes a long way toward creating the kind of relationships that yield joy and satisfaction rather than grief and frustration. It's worked for my wife, Erin, and I, and it can work equally well for you, regardless of the type of relationship in which you apply it. Although it takes some work, we have yet to be unable to find a win/win solution when addressing a decision or issue.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: What's the best way to handle grandparents who play favorites? My parents are partial to our oldest child, and our youngest child has noticed and is beginning to ask questions.

Jim: Your first priority is to affirm and reassure your youngest. Let your child know that you've seen signs of favoritism as well. Avoid blaming the grandparents, but make it clear that this is an issue that needs attention.

Hopefully you can address it by means of a good-natured, non-defensive discussion with your parents. Begin by telling them how much you appreciate their interest and involvement in your kids' lives, and point out some positive contributions they've made to your children's upbringing.

Once you've set the right tone, explain your concerns. Let them know that while you're certain that they've always acted from the best of intentions, some of their words and actions have nevertheless been hurtful to your youngest child. Ask them to help you find a way to counteract this unintended effect.

They may deny the charge of favoritism, in which case you should thank them for listening and let the matter drop. It's possible that after a period of sober reflection they'll come to see the sense of your words and quietly make the necessary changes.

If, however, they react in anger, there may be deeper boundary issues below the surface. If so, you may want to invite them to discuss the problem with you in the presence of an objective third party -- a good friend, a disinterested relative, a pastor or even a qualified family therapist.

Finally, in extreme cases where grandparents refuse to cooperate, it may be necessary for you to limit the amount of time they spend with your children -- at least until they begin to take some positive steps in the right direction.

Q: How can I, as a father, counteract the influence of our self-centered culture and teach my kids to be grateful?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: A famous philosopher once said, "Gratitude is the mother of all virtues." If that's true, then you're doing your kids a huge favor by looking to cultivate this attitude in them. Here are three suggestions:

-- First, point out the sacrifice and positive contributions that others make in our society: the fireman or police officer who risks his life to protect us; the public official who diligently serves to better our community; missionaries who leave the comforts of our country to help the poor and needy. And so on.

-- Second, model thanking others for what they do. Let your kids hear you telling your wife what a wonderful meal she cooked. Let them hear you thank the motorist who lets you in front. I'll never forget the morning my father had me wait with him so we could thank our garbage collector. I was about 10 years old when he explained that garbage collecting was a demanding profession. He said, "Greg, do you think anyone ever thanks them for their hard work?" You should have seen the look on their faces when a father and his young son stood in the cold of the early morning to say thanks and to shake their hands.

-- Third, teach your children to give back. Gratitude and appreciation is encouraged when your kids make a charitable gift with their own money. As a family, find a volunteer activity you can do together. Take presents to an underprivileged family during Christmas.

By taking these three steps, you will be cultivating in your children one of the best things you can give them: a thankful heart.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: How can I help my 14-year-old son turn his grades around? I used to tutor him when he was younger, but lately he's refused my help. Right now the only thing he's into is basketball. I don't want to take that away, since it's all he has. We're also isolated from family and friends. What should I do?

Jim: During their early teen years, most kids are looking to establish some sense of independence. This may be the reason your son is resisting your help. Fortunately, this is fairly easy to get around. I'd suggest you work closely with his school to find him tutors in subjects where he's struggling. You should also keep in close contact with his teachers, preferably on a weekly basis. That way, he can get the help he needs without feeling that he's dependent upon you.

While you have some thoughtful concerns about not wanting to restrict his basketball privileges, it's possible that you're forfeiting the most effective weapon in your arsenal. Since it's the one thing that matters most to him, it may be your best option to motivate him to work harder academically. I'd encourage you to have a private conversation with his basketball coach and ask him if he'd be willing to make continued participation on the team dependent upon your son's grades. Chances are he'll go along with the plan. Most good coaches want their players to succeed in class as well as on the court.

Finally, where you find yourselves isolated from family and friends, it's possible that depression could be contributing to your son's problems in school. If you think he's depressed, your first concern is to look into this possibility. Our Counseling Department would be happy to assist you in this process. You can contact them at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: My husband and I recently learned that we're expecting. We're thrilled, but I'm also afraid that the demands of a baby will cause us to neglect each other and our relationship. Do you have any advice for us?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: First of all, congratulations! That is very exciting. I remember feeling just like you. Erin and I really struggled early in our marriage, and when we learned we were pregnant, I thought our marriage was doomed. Boy, was I wrong!

The truth is, no one is perfectly prepared for having children. The key for each of us was learning how to balance being a parent and a spouse, and specifically, learning each other's love language. Our love language is made up of those things that our mate does which make us feel loved or cared for. Not everyone's language is the same, and that may be true for you and your husband.

One simple way to discover your mate's love language is by asking what he needs to feel loved. We use the phrase: "I feel loved when you ..." Make your love language specific and measurable. Instead of saying "I want intimacy," say, "I need you to say you love me at least once a day," "Let's make love twice a week," or "I need you to ask me about my day." It's also critical that you follow up. On a regular basis, ask each other: "On a scale from zero to 10, how have I done this week in making you feel loved according to your unique needs?"

As you look forward to growing your family, remember that the best way to love your child is to love your spouse. By discovering your mate's love language, you'll be better equipped to meet the exciting challenges awaiting you.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.