Q: My spouse doesn't get along with my parents and siblings. The situation has gotten so bad that he doesn't even want to travel to attend our annual Thanksgiving celebration at my parents' home. I'm tired of the tension and dissension. Can you suggest a solution?

Jim: All too often, family gatherings that are supposed to be filled with love and warmth end up turning into tense, uncomfortable confrontations. You may have resigned yourselves to the fact that things will never be hunky-dory between your husband and your family, but that doesn't mean you can't take steps that might lead to positive change.

First, you and your husband need to sit down together and discuss this problem rationally. It's vital that the two of you come to a meeting of the minds over this issue. Interactions with extended family are an important and inevitable part of every marriage. This is a fact that you're going to have to face together. Don't let it create a wedge between the two of you.

Perhaps it would be possible to work out a compromise. For example, consider the option of skipping certain big family gatherings every other year. This Thanksgiving, could you tell your family that, while you appreciate the invitation, you and your husband have decided to spend a quiet holiday with your immediate family? This may remove some of the stress and tension and make it easier for your husband to face the family gathering next year.

You might also go ahead with your Thanksgiving plans, but arrange to stay at a local hotel rather than in your parents' home. If things become absolutely unbearable for you or your spouse, you can politely excuse yourselves and take refuge in the tranquility of your hotel room.

Again, the most important thing is that you and your husband agree on the course of action. Short of a miraculous breakthrough in your husband's relationship with his in-laws (although that's certainly something to hope and pray for!), these are some practical steps you can take to minimize the holiday stress.

Q: How can we teach our daughter good problem solving skills? Whenever she encounters a challenge, such as putting together Legos, she quickly abandons it and runs to us for help.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries:

Teaching kids to problem solve begins with parents modeling AND verbalizing how to solve common problems. Modeling alone is not sufficient. We must explain the process we used to arrive at the solution. Instead of simply having your daughter watch you fix something around the house (or put together Legos), verbally walk her through the steps.

Also, parents should praise their kids when they attempt to solve problems. I had a rotation in a children's therapeutic treatment center during my doctoral internship and residency. One of the treatment goals was to foster better problem solving skills. Any time we noticed a child working on a project, we would say, "Nice problem solving. I like how you ..." We always encouraged their attempts and explained what they had done that was positive.

It's important to find the balance between encouraging your kids to ask for help and simply solving the problem for them. One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to teach them to ask questions -- but then allow them to wrestle with the solution. If we immediately solve all of their problems for them, they won't learn how to think through the problem solving steps.

Finally, take advantage of teachable times when your children make mistakes. You can use this opportunity to probe ways they could have handled the situation differently to get more positive results.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: I feel like my daughter's slipping away. I want to be a great dad, but I don't know how to connect with her now that she has reached the "tween" years.

Jim: The single most important thing you can do is spend quality time with her. This is a constant challenge for me as I try to invest in my two boys. Dr. Kevin Leman suggests that the bond fathers develop with their daughters during times of real conversation and connection can pay huge dividends.

According to Dr. Leman, during the tween years fathers need to adopt the policy of "dating" their daughters on a regular basis. Showing your daughter that she's a high priority is essential for many reasons. For one thing, it will help her seek out men who will respect her later in life. Affirming your daughter's femininity and treating her special conveys this important charge: "Honey, seek out someone who will treat you right." If you can demonstrate for your daughter what a true gentlemen is like -- someone who honors, respects and values her -- she'll be more likely to gravitate toward men like that when she begins dating.

So take your daughter out for dinner or a round of miniature golf, or something else that interests her. I know this can be tough, especially when you also need to make time for your other family members. But it's so important. The investment you make in your daughter now will impact her for the rest of her life.

Q: Can you suggest guidelines for modesty in the home? I assume it's OK for my husband and me to shower with our children and change clothes in front of them while they're still toddlers. I'm just wondering when we should stop doing that. Any ideas?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There isn't a hard and fast rule for dealing with this issue. Most pediatricians and child development experts agree that when a child begins to express a desire for privacy when naked or going to the bathroom, that's the time parents should begin to express more personal modesty. This typically occurs around the age of 3 or 4. For some kids it may be a little later.

It's also important that you begin to instill a healthy view of sexuality in your children from an early age. You should start when they're toddlers, using age-appropriate concepts and language.

For example, when a young child asks questions about where babies come from, answer their questions in a positive, straightforward manner. Deflecting the question or making an awkward reference to "the stork" won't cut it! You might say something like, "God made a special way for mommies and daddies to have babies. He uses a tiny little seed from Daddy and a tiny little egg from Mommy. The seed and the egg come together inside Mommy's tummy, and then God does a miracle and makes a new baby." This kind of explanation is typically sufficient for most kids. You don't need to go into a detailed description of human physiology.

One more thing that is bound to come up in your home, if it hasn't already: Most experts also recommend using accurate names for male and female genitalia. Cutesy names or code words can be confusing to a child, and can unintentionally lead to shame and embarrassment down the road, especially with other children.

For more guidance in this area, check out Dr. Kevin Leman and Kathy Flores Bell's book, "A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex."

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Our teenage son's girlfriend is pregnant. He's 17 and she's 16. It's difficult to admit this to anyone. What does he most need to hear from us?

Jim: We're sorry to learn of this difficult situation. Your son and his girlfriend have clearly made a serious mistake, but mistakes of this kind can be important stepping-stones to maturity and adulthood.

Our counseling team suggests that your whole family can play a role in guiding the expectant mother through this frightening new experience. She needs to be reminded of the value of the precious life she's carrying. In partnership with her parents, you can help her weigh and balance her options and determine what her personal goals ought to be at this point. She won't be able to do this without the assistance of caring, life-affirming adults.

Your son also needs your understanding. At his age, he's trying hard to become his own person. Unfortunately, his bid for independence has put him in an awkward position.

Unlike the girl, who has to deal with the realities of pregnancy, a teenage dad can find it easy to dissociate himself from the situation. Part of your role will be to see that this doesn't happen. Gently but firmly compel him to face the implications of his choices. Talk to him about the sanctity of human life. Help him think about the tremendous and awesome responsibility of bringing a child into the world. Encourage him to discuss these issues openly with his girlfriend and her parents. Urge him to explore ways in which he can take an active role in the pregnancy, the birth and the crucial decisions that lie ahead.

We'd strongly suggest that all of you seek professional counseling as you attempt to navigate these waters. Contact Focus for a free consultation and referral. May God grant you strength during this emotional time!

Q: Should I accept a "friend" request on Facebook from an old boyfriend? I'm very much in love with and committed to my husband, so I feel sure that this will not pose a threat to our marriage.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: The first thing you should do is sit down and discuss this with your husband. Tell him about the "friend" request, and ask him how he feels about it. It's important to be open and honest and lay everything out on the table. Keeping secrets only undermines trust. If your marriage is as strong and healthy as you say it is, then it's worth protecting.

A recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers revealed that Facebook has been a major factor in U. S. divorces the last few years. You need to be careful about exposing your relationship to threats of any kind, no matter how remote they may seem.

Since your former boyfriend has initiated this contact, you should consider his motives. If you suspect that his intentions are not entirely appropriate or honorable, ignore the request and move on. Plus, you don't know what's going on in his life, and this might cause him to stumble.

If you're still confused, apply this basic litmus test: Would it be helpful or harmful to your marriage to re-establish a connection with this person? If you're feeling inclined to grant the request, you may need to pause and evaluate your own motives. Are you certain that you don't feel compelled to revisit the past because of present discontent? We're not suggesting that this is the case, but it's a question worth considering. In the final analysis, it's a decision that you and your husband must make together.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.