Q: My teenager just got his learner's permit and I'm nervous! Do you have any advice for preparing him to drive?

Jim: There are plenty of statistics and stories out there to justify your concerns, so you're wise to use this opportunity to teach safe driving habits and influence your young driver's behavior. First, be patient and stay cool. Teaching your son to drive may be nerve-racking for you, but it's more so for him. Give directions calmly and clearly, and be liberal with encouragement and praise.

Second, children will imitate their parents, so model safe driving habits for your adolescent. Know the traffic laws and enforce additional limits based on his attitude and skill. Observe the speed limit and be courteous of other drivers.

Third, consider phasing your teen into full driving privileges in steps. For example, in stage one he's not allowed to drive after dark, while in stage two he can, but only with adult supervision.

Fourth, emphasize basic safety. Always require everyone in the car to buckle up before the engine is started. He should never drive if he is drowsy, and don't fail to drive home the message that drinking and driving kills. Whatever your feelings about alcohol, let him know that he can always call you for a ride to avoid being in a car with an intoxicated driver.

Finally, if he refuses to correct unsafe driving habits, confiscate the keys. The first thing would-be drivers need to learn is that driving is a privilege, not a right. Your first priority is not to win a popularity contest, but to keep him (and others on the road) alive and well while he learns to operate an automobile safely and skillfully.

Q: I know my first responsibility to my kids is as a parent, but how can I build a friendship with them?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There are principles and practices that are foundational to all rich relationships. When it comes to building a friendship with your children, these six are essential.

-- Articulate a lifetime commitment.

A commitment that says, "No matter what happens, I am here for you, and will never stop loving you," provides the foundation of trust necessary for friendship to develop with your child.

-- Become a student of your child.

Instead of forcing your child to do something or be someone they're not, learn who they are: their personality, natural talents, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses. Interact with them and encourage them according to their individual uniqueness and interests.

-- Schedule time together.

Set aside special time for your child every day. Friendships don't develop by chance or accident, but are the result of spending time together on a regular basis.

-- Be available.

Teachable moments, illnesses and memorable events don't always happen according to our schedule. Sometimes we must drop what we're doing, because our children are more important. By doing so, you'll provide them with a sense of security and value.

-- Actively listen.

A good listener never assumes they know what their child is saying. By giving your child your undivided attention and asking clarifying questions, you'll be communicating that your child's words and feelings are extremely important.

-- Use meaningful touch.

Not every friendship requires an element of touch, but for your kids it's absolutely essential. A gentle, tender and warm touch from a parent -- hand holding, an arm around the shoulder and even bear hugs -- provides proven physiological and psychological benefits for kids, and communicates that they are valued.

Building meaningful friendships with children takes time and effort. But if you commit to and practice these principles, then over time a beautiful friendship can blossom.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Our preschooler recently walked in on us while we were having sex. Should we be concerned that this will have any negative long-term effects on him? I tried to cover up as best I could, but I could tell he was upset. I'm feeling very guilty about this.

Jim: Other parents who've experienced the panic of "children interruptus" -- and have since installed locks on their bedroom doors -- know just how you feel. But you don't need to be overly concerned about what your son witnessed. He may have been a bit confused by what he saw, but if he hasn't brought it up since, I doubt that the incident has caused any long-term damage.

There's no reason for you to feel guilty about this. Sex is an important element of marriage and a normal part of family life. When you're a parent, things like this can happen from time to time, and it's best to take it in stride and move on.

I'd encourage you, though, to use this incident as a place to begin talking about sex and sexuality with your son. Approach this as a lifelong learning process, not a one-time "birds and bees" discussion. As a preschooler, he's old enough to understand some basic concepts about human sexuality, provided they're presented in age-appropriate language. At the most basic level, he needs to know that sexuality is not something scary and shameful, but a wonderful gift from God designed to be expressed between a husband and wife.

Among other things, this may help you resolve your feelings of guilt. It will also go a long way toward helping him clear up any remaining confusion over what he saw.

Q: Our teenage daughter is out of control. She's disrespectful to us, and she's causing problems in school. She's never been like this before. It's so out of character for her. We try to talk to her, and she just says there's nothing wrong. We're at our breaking point and feel so helpless. Is it time for counseling?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: We often hear from weary parents who have reached the end of their rope with a strong-willed adolescent. You're not alone!

When it comes to her behavior, it's critical that you lay out your expectations in advance and make sure that your daughter understands them. The consequences for rebellious or disobedient behavior should also be spelled out beforehand, and the implementation of those consequences should be prompt and consistent. Your daughter will likely challenge these standards at every opportunity, but it's crucial to keep your cool in the face of defiance. Don't give her an opportunity to seize control of the situation.

Also, keep in mind that teens of all temperaments are in the process of trying to form an identity. This can often play itself out in behavior calculated to define "self" in opposition to the values, beliefs, wishes and instructions of the parents. This is another reason why consistent guidelines are so important. They should be divided into at least three different categories: non-negotiable rules, negotiable rules, and rules that can be discarded as your daughter matures and demonstrates a growing ability to regulate her own behavior.

Is it time for counseling? That's a tough determination to make from afar, but you might start by calling Focus on the Family for a free consultation with one of our licensed marriage and family therapists.

Finally, don't lose hope! We hear from many parents who are ready to give up on their volatile teens, only to see them reach a more mature equilibrium after high school. In the meantime, just hang on and pray!

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: How can we parent effectively when so many of our friends and relatives have values that conflict with ours? This is especially tough when we're all together for the holidays.

Jim: Our counselors would encourage you to begin by making sure that everyone in your household is absolutely clear about the values, priorities and spiritual perspectives that define you as a family. Take the time to provide your children with easily understandable reasons for the rules you live by, and equip them to graciously, but confidently, articulate these principles themselves when asked.

Once this is done, you'll be better positioned to deal with these challenges when your kids spend time in homes where the standards and convictions differ from your own. If you run into conflicts, humbly tell the friends or relatives concerned that while you love them and respect their feelings, it's your responsibility to raise your children in the way you feel is right.

Naturally, you should try to understand the motivations behind their behavior. If it's obvious they're contradicting you out of pure spite or simple lack of concern, don't hesitate to limit future visits until things change.

But if it seems clear that they really love your children -- if, for instance, it's a case of doting grandparents who dole out too many sweets in an attempt to gain a place in their grandkids' affections -- then look for creative ways to defuse the situation by enlisting them as members of your "team." Explain that you're trying to raise your children according to a certain set of standards, and that you won't be able to succeed without their cooperation and assistance. They'll probably jump at the chance to help you out.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: The scenario you've described, though very common, can have many causes. Communication is a complex thing and is influenced by underlying emotions and learned behaviors.

For many of us men, much of our lives have been spent trading jabs and poking fun at other guys. It's often how we bond with each other. Unfortunately, we have to learn the hard way that it doesn't always have the same effect with the opposite sex.

It may also suggest that your husband's not comfortable having a serious conversation with you. This behavior is sometimes passed down through families who have a hard time expressing their feelings or dealing with difficult issues. The old proverb, "Many a truth is spoken in jest," may also apply here. Often a person may be upset with their spouse, but the only way he or she feels safe in expressing this is through hurtful humor.

Or it could be a problem of sensitivity -- either his lack thereof, or possibly your overactive sense. Both are obstacles to emotional intimacy and should be evaluated honestly. I'd start by looking at your relationships with mutual acquaintances other than your respective families. Does your husband routinely offend them? Do they see him as self-centered and unfeeling? Are you frequently hurt by others? Are you critical, or do you struggle with low self-esteem?

The goal here isn't to assign blame, but to gain an understanding of each other, which is the first step toward resolution. Since this typically works best with the help of a caring counselor, I'd encourage you to contact Focus on the Family for a referral to a qualified marriage therapist in your area. Call us at 855-771-HELP (4357). We're here and happy to help.