Q: I recently discovered my preschooler playing "doctor" with a neighborhood friend. I've always thought this kind of thing was innocent and normal in very young kids, but when I found my own child involved, I felt uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. Should I be concerned?

Jim: According to our counselors, if you're modeling healthy attitudes toward sexuality at home, there's probably no reason to be overly concerned. Because sexuality is a central part of life, it's only natural for children to want to know about it. This is why it's important to take the initiative to teach your kids about sex in your own way and on your own terms -- otherwise, they're probably going to learn about it somewhere else, and there's no guarantee the information they pick up will be accurate or healthy.

That said, while curiosity is normal and should be expected, sexual touch is a more serious matter. Complications can occur when the game of "doctor" involves this kind of touching, and for this reason, it should not be condoned or ignored. If this behavior was a part of the play you observed, you should talk with the parents of the other child and see what can be done to prevent it from happening again. Be careful not to shame your child, and remember that punishment isn't appropriate in this situation. Again, the best solution is simply to stay current with good sex education in the home and enforce healthy personal boundaries.

If you still have questions or concerns about the significance of this incident, our counselors would be happy to speak with you. You can reach them at 855-771-HELP (4357). The consultation and the call are both free of charge, and are one of the many ways Focus on the Family is here to serve you and your family.

Q: I've been dating a woman for over 2 years. I love her and want a serious relationship. She says she loves me too, but that she wants the freedom to see other guys. At times, I'm so frustrated that I just want to move on. What should I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I can appreciate your struggle. While the emotions you're wrestling with don't make it easy, your decision really hinges on what you ultimately want. If you're at a place where you desire and are eager to be married, you may need to start looking elsewhere. Contrary to prevailing romantic thought and what you're probably feeling, there's no such thing as "the one" when it comes to a life mate. If, on the other hand, you're sold on this girl and are willing to be patient, you can see if her heart eventually turns.

Either way, you might consider adjusting your current pattern of interacting with her. Any message on your part that suggests you're just hanging around waiting for her to see the light is counterproductive. A man who projects a humble sense of confidence, self-respect and independence is attractive and interesting to a lady, whereas a guy who acts like his life is meaningless without her is a major turnoff.

So what does this mean for you? For starters, pursue activities that grow your mind and character, such as reading books and serving others. Look for other quality women whose company you enjoy and spend time with them. What develops may surprise you. You'd also be well-served to not be so available to the current object of your affection. There's a real chance that, subconsciously, she's taken your fondness for granted, and a noticeable shift in your behavior just may cause her to come your way.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: Should I ask my husband to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases? He recently ended an affair, and we're working toward reconciliation. It's a touchy process and I don't want to do anything that might suggest a lack of trust or that I haven't forgiven him.

Jim: I'd strongly suggest that you both get tested immediately. The health risks and ramifications are too serious not to. But I sense you don't need to be convinced of this. Your bigger concern is that any suggestion of mistrust or lack of forgiveness may derail the reconciliation process.

While I can understand your hesitancy, medical testing has nothing to do with trust. It's just a straightforward way of ascertaining some very critical facts. There's also a sense in which trust is a moot point at this stage in the game. Your husband has already proven himself untrustworthy. But if he's truly interested in changing, he should admit this and face the consequences head-on. His willingness to do so is the only way he can expect to rebuild his relationship with you.

Finally, it's important to understand that forgiveness and trust are two different things. You can forgive your husband for his past waywardness, but this doesn't mean that you should give him carte blanche for the future or necessarily take his word for it when he insists he'll never stray again.

Through his actions he's forfeited a degree of freedom and respectability. Real healing and reconciliation between the two of you can't occur unless he's ready to be held accountable. Trust can be restored only if accountability is maintained over a long period of time.

If you haven't already, I'd suggest you locate a good counselor who can guide you through the reconciliation process. Don't hesitate to call our Focus counselors for a referral at 855-771-HELP (4357).

Q: We just learned our teenage daughter is five weeks pregnant. She and the father are only 17, and we're trying to get them to think seriously about how they're going to care for and support a child. We've assured our daughter that our love for her has not wavered and that we're thankful they've chosen life for the baby. But we're frustrated that neither of them is open to adoption. Do you have any advice?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Although it won't be easy, I'd encourage you to take a low-key approach and not pressure them to make a decision right now. If you do, they may react by proudly and publicly proclaiming that they're determined to become parents. At that point, it will be much harder for them to reverse course and consider adoption later on. You also should refrain from making any commitments of financial or practical support.

After the dust has settled, encourage your daughter to contact your local pregnancy resource center. These centers -- which can be found by visiting the Option Line website (optionline.org), or by looking up "Abortion Alternatives" in the Yellow Pages -- provide practical help and emotional support to those experiencing a crisis pregnancy. According to some experts, many teen couples say early on that they aren't interested in the adoption alternative. But as time passes and they begin to consider what it really means to care for a baby, reality starts to set in. At that point, many teens are willing to take a second look.

In the end, it's important that you honor their final decision. Though the hopes and dreams you had for you and your daughter look much different today, this news doesn't mean your futures will be worse. As only He can, God often surprises us with joy from unexpected places.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.

Q: Our son and his wife both work and have extremely busy lives -- probably too busy. My husband and I frequently take care of our grandchildren so that their mom and dad can keep their hectic pace. We love being with the kids, but do you think this is a healthy arrangement?

Jim: You obviously love your grandkids, and there's nothing wrong with intergenerational cooperation. It's a good thing for family members to help one another as needs arise. But a great deal depends on the attitudes and expectations of your son and his wife. If you're feeling unappreciated, put upon or taken advantage of -- even just a little bit -- then it's safe to say that something needs to change.

If you want your interactions with your son, his wife and your grandchildren to remain positive, I'd encourage you to establish appropriate boundaries. Arrangements like yours usually work best when everyone agrees on some specific limitations. For example, you can say, "We'll keep the kids two afternoons a week until your graduate coursework is finished in December." If things remain vague and open-ended, it's only a matter of time until you'll begin to resent it.

If you're finding it difficult to set reasonable boundaries, it's possible that you're operating on the basis of a guilty sense of obligation or your own co-dependent needs. Neither leads to healthy relationships. It's also important to remember that while grandparents have a critical role to play in the lives of their grandkids, it's best under normal circumstances that they not take on the role of primary caregivers. That's the parents' job.

If you honestly feel that Mom and Dad are missing out on opportunities to strengthen their connection with their own children, it may be best for everyone if you don't make yourselves so available.

Q: My 14-year-old daughter tells us that all her friends are dating now and that waiting until she's 16, like we did, is very "outdated." We haven't budged yet on letting her start dating, but my wife and I are questioning if we're being too strict. What do you think?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: My first suggestion would be to put less stock in age. Birthdays are legal milestones when it comes to a teen driving a car or casting a vote, but they're an unreliable measure of maturity. When it comes to our sons and daughters dating, character is king.

At this point, invite your daughter on a date for some ice cream. After you've broken the ice, bring up the subject of dating. Once you've respectfully listened to her thoughts, tell her how special she is and that you want only good experiences for her when it comes time for her to date. Let her know you'll be observing her (and anyone she goes out with) for evidence of key maturity markers that will indicate she's ready.

Let her know what's on your list, such as integrity, trustworthiness, respect for herself and others, honesty and responsibility. Spell out what these qualities look like, and give both positive reinforcement and corrective feedback based on what you see in the coming months.

That said, you still would be wise to institute some age-related restrictions. Consider limiting opposite-sex interactions to mixed-group settings, such as a church youth group, until your daughter has turned 17. This can offer a more secure environment and allow boys and girls the opportunity to learn how to relate and enjoy one another's company without the awkwardness and sexual tension that often goes along with unsupervised dates.

Above all, keep the lines of communication open. The teen years aren't simple, but your daughter needs you now more than ever.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Focus on the Family counselors are available Monday through Friday between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. Mountain time at 855-771-HELP (4357). Focus on the Family's website is at www.focusonthefamily.com.