Q: My wife and I are giving serious thought to starting a family, and now I'm having second thoughts. The idea of being responsible for a child is daunting enough. But I read a recent report suggesting that parenting often leads to unhappiness. What's your perspective?

Jim: Scientists love to examine the happiness quotient of parents. Year after year studies either find how miserable parents are or how much joy and satisfaction children bring to their parents' lives. One of our staff researchers studied these varied findings and concluded that the reason for the disparity lies in how we define happiness.

Parenthood can be exhausting -- no doubt about it. It's a huge investment of time, money and energy. Couples with young children endure sleep deprivation, and a teenager's back talk can work that last nerve. Still, there's a reason why the happy announcement -- "We're pregnant!" -- is met with celebration.

At some level, we understand that happiness isn't measured by the many things parents sacrifice. There's a deeper satisfaction that comes from living to benefit others and from loving our children well. There's a joy that fills the soul when you see your daughter selflessly serving others or see your son's face light up after he discovers something new and that "aha!" moment strikes. Moments like these make sacrifices worth it. This type of transcendent love causes us to look beyond ourselves and become the people our children need us to be.

As you weigh the prospects of parenting, make sure your definition of happiness lines up with a long-term perspective. If you do, I think you'll see that bringing a new life into this world and then loving and guiding him or her along the way offers a meaningfulness and joy unmatched by any other human endeavor.

Q: Is it a bad idea to become romantically involved with a co-worker? I think I'm in love with a guy at work, but I'm not entirely certain about his feelings for me. Any advice?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You're wise to tread cautiously. Many office romances end in disaster. Here's a typical scenario: A couple begins dating, the relationship doesn't work out, and they break up. If there are hard feelings, the working environment can become a nightmare. This is true not only for the couple themselves but for their co-workers. Some corporations have a "non-fraternization" policy for this very reason.

On the other hand, some office romances work out fine, especially when they involve two mature and thoughtful individuals. Much depends on the nature of the work relationship. Generally speaking, it's inadvisable to date a supervisor or a subordinate. The best case is when two people work in completely separate departments. Then if the relationship sours, there's not the awkwardness of interacting with each other every day.

If your co-worker hasn't openly expressed any romantic interest in you, be careful of jumping to conclusions. Don't read too much into the fact that you've had some nice conversations or feel a sense of chemistry with him. Guard your heart. Avoid building up a romantic fantasy in your mind. If his feelings for you are something more than friendly, you'll know soon enough. Use the time to get to know him before allowing your emotions to run away with you. Watch him on the job. See how he interacts with fellow employees. Then ask yourself if he displays the strong character that you want in a dating and marriage partner.

Finally, I'd encourage you to grab a copy of a great book, "The Dating Manifesto," by my colleague Lisa Anderson. I guarantee you'll be glad you did.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: My wife and I generally get along great, but I'm surprised how much we argue about little chores around the house. Is this normal?

Jim: When couples are asked about stress points in marriage, things like kids and finances usually come up first. But studies show that household chores rank third on that list!

It's easy to understand how something as simple as housework can fuel conflict in a marriage. Life gets busy for couples. Before long, they're each focused on the tasks they care about, while forgetting the burdens their spouse is carrying. The next thing you know, they're locked in power struggles over who does more and who works harder.

I'd encourage you to try to change your mindset, and remind yourselves you're on the same team. The household chores should benefit your relationship, not tear it down. In fact, instead of arguing over who does more, what would happen if you each tried to "out-serve" one another?

There are also practical ways to avoid conflict. Say a particular chore is your spouse's responsibility. Don't dictate how and when they do it just because that's when you think it ought to be done. And don't forget to leave some room for individual preferences. Even though you'd prefer the bed be made each morning, is that really an issue important enough to come between you?

As with any other area of your marriage, sorting out the housework is all about connection and communication. I encourage you to prioritize honoring one another and finding some common ground.

Q: As a first-time parent of a very bright child, I want to encourage her creativity as she grows up. Do you have any suggestions?

Danny Huerta, Executive Director, Parenting & Youth: Every child is born with creative potential. Creativity is essential in art, science and business, and also allows us to express ourselves in constructive and beautiful ways -- playing an instrument, cooking a meal, building furniture, etc. Helping our kids develop imagination, original thinking, and innovative problem solving is one of the greatest privileges of parenting. Here are just a few ideas:

-- Let them play. Some structured activity, like a team sport, is healthy. But, especially as she gets older, leave room in the schedule for your child to exercise her imagination and experience wonder at the world around her.

-- Nurture curiosity. A toddler's favorite question is "Why?" But inquisitiveness can get quashed as children get older. Use open-ended questions in your conversations -- from practical ("How could we clean up all these toys faster?") to abstract ("What do you think that cloud looks like?"). Focus on the Family's conversation-starter app, "Make Every Day Count," provides lots of fun and thought-provoking questions.

-- Don't be afraid of boredom. Children don't have to be constantly entertained, and definitely shouldn't resort to electronic devices every time they're bored. You'll be surprised how quickly imagination kicks in with just a few simple tools for creative expression.

-- Don't micromanage creativity. Some creative people color inside the lines, some don't. Let expression be about creating, not about yielding a perfect product.

-- Allow for messes. Developing creative problem-solving skills can sometimes be messy. Find a safe, appropriate place, and then let your child experiment!

-- Encourage "failure." Let your child attempt things without the pressure of doing everything perfectly. If she is taught to fear making mistakes, she's less likely to engage the world creatively and take a confident approach to life.

-- Create alongside your child. Pursuing creative interests with your child -- piano lessons, baking, photography, etc. -- allows for fun interaction and strengthens relational bonds.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Q: Our family always seems to be in a reactive mode -- it seems like there's some small but stressful crisis every day. My husband and I are both tired of this pattern, and how it's affecting us and our kids, but we feel stuck. Are there any strategies we can use to help?

Jim: Since it's football season again, and as a former quarterback, I'd like to share an analogy and tactic from the game that works well off the field, too.

One football scheme that translates well into real life is called the "hot read." Here's the setup: The defending team typically rushes the quarterback with three or four players. But sometimes, the defense will blitz using extra players (five, six, even seven) to put extra pressure on the QB. To counter that, the quarterback will run a "hot read" -- when he sees the blitz, he immediately passes to an alternate receiver before the charging defenders can get to him.

But here's the key: For that strategy to work, everyone on the offense has to understand what to do before the pressure comes, and what their responsibility is if certain defenders blitz.

That same principle works well in life, too. Challenges drop into our lives without warning from all directions. Maybe it's a car that unexpectedly breaks down or the sudden loss of a job. Creating a "hot read" plan ahead of time can help families keep their bearings when unexpected pressure hits: If "X" happens, then we do "Y."

Take some time to "huddle up" with your spouse and discuss how everyone in your family reacted to past unforeseen crises. Then talk through what you'll do differently when another one happens. With a little advance planning, you'll be better prepared to handle the next blitz life throws your way.

Q: I've got a big problem in how I speak to my wife and children; too often, I fly off the handle and yell at everybody. I desperately want to be a better husband and father, and I need to change my behavior. Do you have any suggestions?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: You've taken an important first step by realizing that you have a problem with anger and verbal abuse. In a very real sense, that's more than half the battle, and I commend you for it.

You can start moving in the right direction by getting some intensive counseling with a pastor or a professional marriage and family therapist. This might involve extended sessions (up to three hours each) for several days in succession. There are a number of therapists in the field who specialize in brief intensives. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department can help you with referrals to qualified practitioners in your area; call 855-771-HELP (4357).

As you go forward, remember that anger is often fueled by feelings of fear, hurt and shame (a sense of not being good enough). Counseling will help you identify these triggering patterns. It will teach you new coping skills and help you practice more effective communication techniques. It will also uncover underlying wounds and highlight "re-enactment behaviors" resulting from unfinished business with your family of origin and/or difficult life experiences. This, in turn, will enable you to avoid the reactionary type of language that can take such a devastating emotional toll on the people around you.

A book that can help jump-start the process is Robert McGee's "The Search for Significance," which addresses the fear of failure, rejection, punishment and shame that is often the source of the kind of anger you've experienced in your family relationships. It can be ordered online and found in most bookstores.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

INTERNATIONAL COPYRIGHT SECURED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.