Q: How does a person recapture the romance in a marriage? My husband and I still love each other after 20-some years together. But our life feels ... well, boring and repetitive. Do you have any advice?

Jim: Most people don't get married to work a job, do laundry or pay bills. But unfortunately, many couples' relationships end up revolving around those very things.

It happens to almost every marriage. At some point after the splendor of the wedding ceremony, life settles in to a daily grind of activity. Careers are chased; children are born; a larger home is purchased with two new cars in the garage. And slowly the romance fades. What used to be hours on the phone together and regular date nights becomes two people who talk only about practical matters, like finances or children. Eventually, the emotional connection points that used to draw the couple together disappear entirely.

Eventually, the couple discovers they no longer have an intimate relationship, but a business arrangement. Their daily energy is so devoted to the mundane responsibilities of life, they have nothing left to offer each other. It's in the wake of such difficulties that affairs can arise and divorce is considered -- all in a person's attempt to recapture the romance their life once knew.

It definitely doesn't have to be that way. You can rekindle the romance in your marriage, but it takes the same dedication that drew you together in the first place. Start dating again. Take a class together or explore a new hobby that you can both enjoy. Cook special meals for each other. Exercise together. Go to museums and concerts. Write love notes to one another. Don't just talk vaguely about that dream vacation -- plan and budget for it together, then schedule it and go.

Don't keep allowing the busyness of life to distract you from what's truly important: Connecting on an emotional level with each other and developing an intimate relationship, not just a business arrangement.

Q: My wife and I both work crazy schedules and can't be together as much as we'd like. So we text each other several times a day to say I love you. That's at least something, right?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I commend you for your effort. At the same time, let's be honest: None of us believe "Nothing says 'I love you' like a text message."

Texts and emails are incredibly practical. They're great for staying in touch with family and friends -- or for short messages like, "Pick up some milk, please." And, sure, telling someone "I love you" is always a great sentiment, no matter how it's conveyed.

But studies show that the most meaningful expressions of love hinge on four ingredients: spoken words, body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. Those are all human characteristics that no electronic device will ever be able to fully reproduce.

Research like that confirms what we all instinctively know to be true. Digital communication doesn't make us come alive like the warmth and intimacy of human interaction.

If you want your relationship to be deeply connected, don't rely on your smartphone so much. It's worth extra effort to physically spend time together whenever you can. Proactively schedule dinner or a walk through your neighborhood. Talk. Laugh. Look into each other's eyes. Even when you're apart, skip the texting when possible and actually make a call. Hear each other's voice.

Relationships have life, which is why love isn't best expressed through sterile computer code. Love flourishes in the presence of intimacy, warmth and human interaction.

We have plenty of other tips and advice available to help your marriage thrive; see FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I recently went through a divorce that I didn't want, but my ex has moved on, and there's no going back. I'm starting to look forward myself. How soon is too soon to get married again after divorce?

Jim: There's no one-size-fits-all answer to "how soon is too soon." But this is a question that our counselors at Focus on the Family hear on a regular basis. They have a number of suggestions that anyone in this situation should consider.

One recommendation is that you spend adequate time as a single before remarrying. That season of independence gives you a chance to heal from your previous marriage. Is there unresolved anger -- or something else -- that you still need to work through? Are you finding it difficult to trust again? Resolve all of those tripping points before they complicate your next relationship.

Another key is to be certain of what you're looking for in marriage. Do you want to meet someone with integrity or a stable career? Is a good father or mother for your children at the top of your list? Think through what you really want -- and don't want -- and give yourself some time to search and evaluate. Don't rush into something too fast.

Virtually all relational experts agree that couples counseling is a wise choice. It's been said that: "Marrying someone who refuses to go to therapy is like buying a new car and welding the hood shut; you need to be able to open and repair it."

I would also encourage people of faith to consult with their pastor or spiritual leader before taking the plunge once again. Honestly address issues in your own heart first. Don't just look for the right person; become the right person yourself.

Moving on after a divorce can be tough. But if you're open to learning, you can dramatically increase the chances that your next relationship will thrive.

Q: As a fairly new parent, I'm scared to death of having to discipline my child. Do you have any practical advice?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: In many ways, being a parent is the most natural thing in the world. But there's a lot to learn, as well. The word "discipline" comes from the Latin word for "disciple," "pupil" or "learner." Discipline is about teaching -- and all of us have the skills to teach.

First, make sure your child understands the rules before you discipline him. If Junior hasn't been told ahead of time a particular behavior is wrong, he shouldn't be punished for it. And remember: There's a difference between defiance and mistakes. So, if your child acts out because of immaturity or clumsiness, there's no reason to punish him at all. Just come alongside him and help him learn and grow from the experience.

Second, when your child breaks a rule, be sure your discipline fits the offense. Don't put out a match with a fire hose. In other words, don't overreact. A small act of defiance should receive an equally small form of correction. Again, you're teaching.

Most importantly, stay in control. Never discipline in anger. Unless your child is facing immediate danger, you don't have to address a problem the moment it happens. Instead, step back from the situation until your emotions are under control. Discipline isn't about tearing a child down. It's about teaching your child right and wrong and helping him to learn and grow.

In a nutshell, parenting is about balancing love with clear and consistent limits. If and when you need help, visit our website at FocusOnTheFamily.com or call us at 800-A-FAMILY (800-232-6459).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: I really struggle with worrying about ... well, almost everything. Do you have any practical suggestions for controlling my anxiety and keeping my perspective?

Jim: Let me turn back the clock to a well-known author and speaker, Dale Carnegie. Although he died in 1955, his books and seminars continue to sell the world over. He's probably best known for his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People." But another of Carnegie's classic works, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living," is a timely and insightful message for this anxious era in which we live.

Here are Dale Carnegie's seven rules to stop your vicious cycle of worry:

No. 1: Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage and hope. As a man thinks, so is he.

No. 2: Don't waste time trying to get even with an enemy. Let it go.

No. 3: Be grateful.

No. 4: Count your blessings. Never look at what you have lost -- look at what you have left.

No. 5: Be yourself -- don't imitate. If you do, the best you can ever hope to be is second best.

No. 6: Make the best of bad situations. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

No. 7: Forget about yourself. When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.

I would tack on my own addendum -- a spiritual one -- to Carnegie's thoughts. There's a real sense of peace in knowing that we're directly connected with something bigger than ourselves. And I believe that "something" is Someone. The Creator who made me knows everything I'll ever face and walks with me on my journey, regardless of what comes along. I hope you connect with Him, too.

Q: With three teenagers in the house, I'm concerned about the dangers of substance abuse. What can I do to "drug-proof" my home?

Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting and Youth: Drug abuse is so widespread in our culture that you can't expect to completely isolate your kids from exposure to it. But you can take ongoing, deliberate and proactive measures to build up their immunity to using drugs.

First and most important, model the desired behavior yourself. If the kids see you smoke, vape, drink or abuse prescription medications, they're more likely to do the same. (Remember: it's never too late to quit.)

Secondly, create an environment that consistently balances love and limits while pursuing genuine relationships. Kids who know they're loved unconditionally are less likely to seek escape through substances. Those who have learned to live within appropriate boundaries supported by parental involvement will have better impulse control and self-discipline. Research affirms that balancing healthy love and limits helps set up children with the strong foundation necessary to make wise decisions.

Speaking of limits, help your children understand why drugs are harmful. "Just say no" is a great motto -- but understanding the negative physical, social, psychological and emotional effects will build a more complete and helpful conversation. Social pressure is real and difficult; role-play different scenarios with them about how they would respond to pressure and why.

Meanwhile, don't be afraid to confront when necessary. Be clear about the limits in your home, and the consequences -- loss of driving, dating, and/or phone privileges, etc. But remember that drug abuse is often social; you truly become who you "run" with. Help your kids learn to be discerning in relationships. Who gets a vote in their lives? Who is influencing whom?

Finally, remember that even in families that hold strong values and practice ongoing "drug-proofing," there are no 100 percent guarantees. Ultimately, these decisions are your kids' to own. So if a problem arises, face it squarely. Seek help, if necessary. Maintain interactive relationships with your kids balancing warmth and limits.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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